Kevin Mazur/WireImage.comDear Ted:
What ever happened to the Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey bicycling group? Was one of the trio not manly enough?
—Poga
Dear The Three Amigos:
Which one, babe? Jake and Matt's time right now is clearly all taken up by their gals and kids. They're both on tight leashes. Not to worry, though, they still bike 'n' sweat together, just not as often as we'd like to see. And Lance gets in on the buddy action, too, just not as much now that he's rethinking running for political office.
Dear Ted:
Why would celebrities risk their reputation to have an affair with those that will ultimately sell them out to the tabloids? Don't the celebs know that most people who will sleep with them are opportunists?
—Dnnro
Dear Celebs Get Horny, Too:
Who are you talking about anyway, Bristol Palin?
Dear Ted:
So I know that you don't want to talk about Lindsay, but what do you make of Michael's release of the phone calls? Do you really think he has something that will actually make Lindsay get herself straightened out or do you think he is only after exploiting his daughter? He is such a douche, so I wouldn't put it past him to use his daughter for publicity in this way, but I can't help but wonder what we don't know.
—Jryan
Dear Daddy Douche Bag:
Obvi he's a d-bag, so why even wonder if he's going to help her? She's a mess, she needs help ASAP and her oh-so-loving "father" will definitely not be the one to get her clean.
Dear Ted:
In light of the Rihanna/Chris Brown abuse story, I was wondering what you thought about Twilight and the relationship between Bella and Edward. Because Bella can only think about Edward, she doesn't care about her friends or family and ultimately ends up abandoning them so she can live with Edward. While people think the story is about true love, I think that it's also a bit dark, and I hope that a generation of girls doesn't grow up to think that that kind of obsessive love is acceptable because it equates true love. Particularly since Meyer says Wuthering Heights is an influence, which is about the torturous nature of love. Any opinions?
—Cthomas
Dear Deep Thinker:
Just that you're going too far? Honey, Twilight's ultimately all about Mormon abstinence, plain and simple. You're really making this baby far more sophisticated than it is.
Dear Ted:
Love you, first of all. But I have a question: What is the deal with Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino? They seem a little closer than just good friends.
—Lynne
Dear Hoping for Brantin:
Wow, seriously trying to make a story outta nothing, hon! Even if Pitt did swing that way, we don't think Quentin would be his type. Clooney, maybe.
Dear Ted:
I caught a commercial for Bones with my dad and he asked a question that got me thinking. Is there anything fishy going on between David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel? They seem really cozy in the commercials for Bones and when they do interviews together; and of course their onscreen chemistry is great. You probably can't answer all the way, but I figured I'd still ask.
—JustWondering
Dear Badass Boreanaz:
Let's just say David's not the most spankin' clean of the Hollywood bunch, but then again, who is?
Dear Ted:
I have to say, the concept of a double-beard leaves me somewhat confused, given that lesbianism is so hot right now. Why would the gal in question feel the need, especially if she's more of a Lindsay Lohan than Sam Ronson? Are there many double-beards in Hollywood? Also, if a lesbian is dating a straight man, is he her Merkin?
—Radha
Dear Cover Up:
No, she's a hot commodity at the box office and Maxim's latest panting cover porn. Don't you know how these double standards work in Hollywood by now? As to your first question, it's the exact same reason the guys do it: moolah.
Dear Ted:
Wow, came back from class and look at what I missed—the million dollar picture—sort-of PDA. So, you and I already knew all this! Now you know good ol' Ellen is not going to let Robert Pattinson get away with no comment! Do you think she will play nice or let Rob have it? I think she is out for the kill, what say you?
—Kristzo
Dear An R.Pattz Answer:
I think she'll play nice on the outside but get to the bottom of things...hopefully. But it won't be easy. Robsten is determined to keep their love mouth shut for us! So not fair.
Dear Ted:
Hey Ted, is George Eads Judas Jack-Off?
—You-Won't-Answer-This-Because-I'm-Right
Dear Overly Confident:
Nope! Try again, love! Though you got the right chiseled jaw, I'll say that much.
Dear Ted:
Your column keeps this Aussie girl sane during boring work hours. Now tell me, Ted, got any goss on the amazing John Cusack?
—Aussie
Dear Curious Cusack:
He's a little bitch on the red carpet, not a press lover. But his movie that's coming up is pretty entertaining!
Dear Ted:
Love you, love Robsten. Something classic about these two. My prayer is that they find a new studio and sign up for a series of movies à la Richard Burton/Elizabeth Taylor. Thoughts?
—Statcat
Dear Robsten 4ever:
I'd love to see that, although if they do, people might get sick of 'em real fast, and won't that be just terrible? I say they just stick to vamp love-makin' and all will be good.
Dear Ted:
Were you feeling a bit bitchy when you answered the question regarding the woman with R.Pattz? You said it could be his manager or a chambermaid whom he just had a romp with. Huh? Pull the claws back, baby. Remember, we love our R.Pattz, and romping is saved for our Kristen Stewart. Don't rattle the fans.
—Gg
Dear Rebel R.Pattz:
What, you don't like the thought of R with another gal?
Dear Ted:
What's Tara Reid's deal?
—Jacob
Dear Downhill Tara:
Is this really a question? There's a lot up with Tara—she's a mess! But maybe there's hope for her cuz she's getting married? Who am I kidding, she'll always be a not-so-hot turd pile.
Dear Ted:
Wow, major disappearing act by Megan Fox! She was on the brink of overexposure there for a bit. Was she smart enough to pull the plug on her own publicity, or did her handlers put a cork in it? I have a bitchy confession to make. I was ready to enjoy the backlash to her inane sound bites. Then I read the Rolling Stone article and actually ended up with a strange impression that she is potentially a product of a very weird, unhealthy upbringing. Heard anything like that?
—Down the Foxhole
Dear Hiding Fox:
Well, Meg is on again with Bri, so all her time is spent with him instead of the press, unfortunately. Miss her in the spotlight, though. I'm just waiting for her to do something nuts so we can talk about her again!
Dear Ted:
Who do you think is going to take home People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive title for 2009? Pattinson? Hugh Jackman? George Clooney? Will Smith? Bradley Cooper? Gerard Butler? Blair Underwood? Jon Hamm? Which do you want to take SMA '09 and which do you have your money on?
—Fan
Dear Hotties in Line:
They're all so effin' smoldering, don't know which one to pick. I bet Cooper could easily take it. He was sorta the It boy this year. Not enough people appreciate R.Pattz—but he'll def be in the issue, just not sure cover. Idiots.
Dear Ted:
Clearly Jessica Biel needs Justin Timberlake to remain relevant, but what could possibly be in it for him?
—Anna
Dear Hatin' on Biel:
He strikes me as a cuddler. And I hear the same as well. Shame or great?
Dear Ted:
When you say that Rocky Trailer finds sexuality "empowering," are you implying that he or she might do such things as...oh, employ their radiant comeliness in a campaign for the benefit of the less fortunate on our planet? Or simply get lots of nookie?
—Ebby
Dear Wonderin' about R.T.:
Nothing nearly as designing as the former, it's all about the latter for randy Rocky.
Dear Ted:
Talk to me about Katy Perry and Russell Brand. I know it's new, but I just don't know how to feel until I get your take on it!
—Darcie, England
Dear Match Made in Heaven:
I think they're perf for each other! They are both wild, crazy and don't care what people think. Plus, he was seen at an erotic store, so that def says something 'bout their steamy love life.
Dear Ted:
I don't get it, why does Rob refer to himself as an idiot? He's smart and funny, he sings and plays the guitar and he's (maybe) dating a really great girl, why would he then refer to himself as an idiot, or the fact that he does might make him an idiot.
—Me
Dear No Fun:
What, you've never made fun of yourself before? Don't be so uptight, this shows that he's a down-to-earth guy and doesn't take life too seriously.