Morning Piss: Kidman, Kiss My Ironic Ass

Nicole Kidman testifies about violence against women, why not against paparazzi?

You've heard about Nicole Kidman, the United Nations's fancy-ass Women's Goodwill Ambassador, testifying to congress about violence against women, right?

Uh, yeah, great point, Nic.

But who's gonna testify to congress on behalf of photographers and journalists who get beaten to a bloody pulp by celebrities' goon-guards? Not into that bit of charitable mouthing off, are ya? Obviously not, since you've never, ever spoken about how badly your bodyguard messed up that pap—despite butt-loads of requests from us to explain it.

This is Hollywood at its best: Scream out to the world, with perfect curls cascading down around your perfectly powdered forehead, about the atrocities of the world while you're participating in one that approaches the same level of inhumanity. Oh, but that's right—we journos don't count, do we? We're scum. We deserve what we get because we sought to make more famous a person who chose to become a public figure?

I love the way you think. Oh, and that's irony, darling Nic—you know, like saying The Stepford Wives was your best work.