Morning Piss: Throw the Users in Jail, Too, America!

99 out of 100 celebs get a hand slap when they do wrong…Cameron Douglas is just not as lucky

By Ted Casablanca Aug 13, 2009 11:44 AMTags
Lindsay Lohan, Cameron DouglasMichael Buckner/Getty Images; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Per usual, celeb drug abusers are getting hand slaps left and right while unlucky Cameron Douglas is apparently going to have to pay the price for everybody else. And just because he pushed dope instead of snorting it in every bathroom stall around Hollywood, like most everybody else does.

Latest idiotic development being that Douglas's girlfriend, Kelly Sott, according to police documents, tried to smuggle an electric toothbrush crammed with heroin into the Upper East Side apartment in which Douglas is currently under house arrest. Is this really any stupider than what half the starlets do quite openly in the women's restrooms of myriad public clubs? Hardly.

Despite the sheer ridiculousness of the whole Douglas situation, which we definitely don't condone, we can't help but wonder why the blame has to fall entirely on Douglas, who faces possible life in prison. Shouldn't his buyers be the ones to pay, too?

Celebrity starlets like Morgan Mayhem, Fake à la Ferocity and Emma Uh-Oh are constantly spotted doing blow en masse at Hollywood hangs and events, yet how can justice possibly be defended when they get off without so much as a warning? But when there is some kind of judicial chastising, it's hilariously inept: The most offensive may be Redmond O'Neal, son of Ryan O'Neal and the late Farrah Fawcett, who had been given billions of chances to go to rehab and who hadn't take any of them before he got his ass thrown in jail for possession in April. Where the hell is his potential life sentence?

This is just completely out of whack. Cameron Douglas is just the Martha Stewart of the celeb drug set; he's the sacrificial dime-bag lamb and an ineffective one at that. Not going to do a goddamn thing to curtail drug use in Hollywood. Now, throw Lindsay or Mischa in jail, that'll send a chilling shout-out to substance-addled T-town. But some Oscar-winning legend's pathetic son?

Nobody buying or using illegal pills and junk in this town is going to blink. Guarantee it.