Jason LaVeris/Getty Images, Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images, Jason LaVeris/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
I saw your True Blood poll results, where you wondered if Stephen Moyer lost to Alexander Skarsgård because Mr. Moyer said rude things about our Rob. While I am sure some people wouldn't vote for Stephen because of the aforementioned unkind comments, may I suggest that Alexander won because he is just way more attractive? What do you think?
—Believer
Dear Agree to Disagree:
Even though S.M. was talking about "Edward" not "Rob," I think most Twi fans still consider that a big no-no. And def probably why he didn't win! I'm totally into Alexander, just more partial to the abtastic Ryan Kwanten.
Dear Ted:
What is wrong with Perez Hilton? Seriously, why is he blogging your Twilight/Breaking Dawn gossip without even crediting you? I see the Black Eyed Peas didn't teach him a lesson.
—RKlover
Dear Journalistic Integrity:
Tell me about it! Perez and his minions "borrow" a great deal.
Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Hugh Grant?
—Lovely Libra
Dear "Almost," but Not Quite:
Wrong age group, darling. Also wrong style, mannerisms, 'tude, like, everything!
Dear Ted:
Do you think Michael Jackson was happy? I watched him shopping on a documentary. He hardly looked at anything and didn't really seem to be enjoying himself. But he spent millions! Made me think his demons only disappeared when he was on stage.
—Mary
Dear Michael the Entertainer:
Michael may have gotten some joy in his life by not having to be accountable for many of his actions, but ironically, I also believe that's what helped kill him.
Dear Ted:
Twilight is for kids. If you are interested in some insanely hot vamp actions, read the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R.Ward. It starts with Dark Lover and gets hotter from there. Let me know what you think.
—Regina, Birmingham, Ala.
Dear Mature Vampire:
Deelish, will do.
Dear Ted:
Is Terry Tush-Trade none other than Anna Kendrick? Please, please confirm. She's the last badass left.
—S
Dear Tricks for Terry:
Oh, she's hardly the only badass left. But you're getting closer now.
Dear Ted:
As much as I would hate for there to be anything dark or devious about Gerard Butler, could he possibly be a subject for a Blind Vice? BTW, don't you just love the sex scene in 300 (the one with Gerry, of course)! I can't wait for The Ugly Truth to come out. It makes me think you could have your own movie, what with the similar title and all.
—One R.I., Quahog
Dear Hot for Butler:
Gerard has narrowly escaped being on of our B.V. subjects. He's too dull!
Dear Ted:
Where is Kristen Stewart now?
—Jly405
Dear Where in the World Is K.Stew:
Being miserable. Totally over it. (I am, too.)
Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Diego Luna?
—Isa2des
Dear Divine Intervention:
Right idea, wrong out of this country stud.
Dear Ted:
Are the Jonas Brothers as solid as they make themselves out to be, or will we be hearing about Kevin Jonas' divorce in a few years?
—Audrey
Dear Jocking Jonai:
Kevin is hardly the interesting brother. Which means he has the best chance at a real relationship. Lookout for Nick, though! You know he reeks of a future good boy gone bad. Love it!
Dear Ted:
Where in the world is Nikki Reed? I've seen every major castmember in the media but her. Robsten rumors really true, that she and K.Stew's friendship was ruined and thus will not surface in the real world? Maybe Summit has her "bound and gagged" on the subject? Ted, what's the deal? Help!
—Lisa
Dear Pining for Nikki:
To say Ms. Reed was hardly thrilled to learn of anything going on between Kristen and Rob is an understatement. I think N.R. is being the über-crafty babe she is and staying out of the limelight for good reason right now. But expect to see her revenge-flirting all over Vancouver next month.
Dear Ted:
I love all your daily Robsten updates, but I definitely feel like you know more than you let on. Seriously, with this dry summer, how can you leave us hanging like this? And please, don't try to pacify the haters by claiming they are just young and stupid kids hooking up. Considering the way they fought Summit for the chance to be together, it's obviously about more than sex with these two.
—Wandering Child
Dear More Than Friends:
Never said it was only about sex with Robsten. Just that people forget they are young, superhorny people. It's not going to be a boring Gyllenspoon-type courtship. Isn't that why we love them, and love them together? The fiery relationships are always the best.
Dear Ted:
Can you tell us what's up with Super Duper Cooper lately?
—Georgia
Dear Snoop on Coop:
He's been flying under the sleazy radar, actually. Sure that'll change soon when he launches on some innocent famous babe.
Dear Ted:
Really enjoy you and your column. I was very sorry to hear about your cat. Horrible, painful experience—I know, and my heart goes out to you for your loss. I was curious, have you seen this article? Seems to me to be the most plausible about the whole Robsten thing. Also, definitely—Melinda Miscreant is Shanna Moakler without any doubt. My guess on Toothy Tile is Tom Cruise. Makes the most sense. Keep the Robsten stories coming. Like millions of others, I can't get enough! Thanks for being so great at what you do.
—Just another Rob/Twilight/Edward obsessed girl in Wash.
Dear Too Close for Comfort:
You're two B.V. guesses would seem spot-on, but unfortunately you're off just a tad on both. As for the Robsten dating item, it was very thorough indeed. But they're off on a few of their facts.
Dear Ted:
I want to hear more about JJO and DDD and less about Robsten. I hate the idea of Robsten, even though I am an avid fan of the Twilight series. I'm not in love with R.Pattz or anything like that, I just think people want them to be a couple for all the wrong reasons. People are confusing real life and fantasy. Rob and Kristen are not Edward and Bella, they are actors. Anywho, sorry, just a little rant.
—K
Dear Jaded on Love:
Judas Jack-Off and his on/off love are finally being smart. Covert's the word more than ever (which, of course, I think is ultimately being pretty dumb, but whatever).
Dear Ted:
Just wondering if Crotch Uh-Lastic has ever worked with Drew Barrymore or Jessica Alba?
—BMB
Dear Not So Commando:
Yep. Just not telling you which one!
Dear Ted:
With all the closeted gay actors in Hollywood, where do straight actresses find men?
—kLa, Atlanta
Dear All the Wrong Places:
The smart ones go for the behind-the-scenes guys. The dumb ones play along as beards.
Dear Ted:
You really are confused if you believe that what Perez Hilton said to will.i.am is the equivalent of one black person calling a friend the N-word. In no way did Hilton intend to take the sting out of the F-word by calling will.i.am that. There's a world of difference between the two. There may be occasions where gay men call each other that name in friendship, but this wasn't it. Shame on you for not acknowledging the difference.
—Khia
Dear Black and White:
Of course, there's a difference. I just think the policing of a gay man using a gay term is just that…policing. And I don't see the same intent-hunting in the black community nearly as much. Can we please drop this now?
Dear Ted:
Have you listened to the rumors that Kristen Stewart is pregnant from Rob? This is the cover story from NW magazine.
—Juliana
Dear Heard It All:
Of course I have. Will discuss how it's affecting Robsten soon.
Dear Ted:
I cannot listen to music anymore without taking the story line of each song and comparing it to Bella and Edward. I have even made playlists! Help me!
—Hayz
Dear Twilight's Anonymous:
That's taking it a step above me, for sure.
Dear Ted:
Love you to pieces! I'll get right down to it: Rob Pattinson. Everyone makes a big deal out of him and Kristen sharing shades and shirts. There have been lots of pics that prove he and his "best friend" Tom Sturridge share clothes, too.
—Jules
Dear Wink-Wink:
And your point is?