PacificCoastNews.comDear Ted:
Just now you realize how dull Jenny Aniston is? She's not a bad actress, although she's always playing herself in every role. Jolie is more exciting in every way—maybe that's the major reason why Brad left Aniston for someone kickass. J.A. doesn't have the talent to win an Oscar for her acting. It's all good, everyone seems to like her heart.
—Ornetari
Dear Burn:
Ouch, that's like saying J has "a good personality" or something. You're too cruel. Even for me!
Dear Ted:
I just can't shake the Blind Vice about Nevis Divine. It just seems too obvious as Nevis is a mountain range in Scotland. Also, he is supposedly "slightly younger" than Simon Baker whose B-day is in July of 1969. Gerard Butler is Scottish, born in November of 1969 and seems less socially awkward with men than women. Am I hot or cold on this?
—Dixiematlack
Dear Det. Kilt:
Slightly deranged would be my assessment.
Dear Ted:
Why is it that other gossip sites keep saying that Nikki Reed and Rob are dating? Just the thought of it is disgusting. I know you disagree with it because you actually know something. You have no idea how many people are loving you right now, but can you please tell us more? Please? Pretty please? With a Robert on top?
—Denee
Dear Assume the Position:
Now, if you'd just said bottom, perhaps we'd have a deal.
Dear Ted:
Love your column, love your Blind Vices! I have to make an observation on the picture you use for the guy-pooftah B.V.'s. I swear the guy on the right is Patrick Dempsey. That so looks like McDreamy's mouth. What a joke you have been having on us, I'm right! Can't place the guy on the left though.
—Claire
Dear Dream Daze:
Too funny, but you've got a hairy case of mistaken identity. P.D. is the family man he appears to be. Isn't he?
Dear Ted:
Who would have ever thought that a Midwestern state would be more advanced than California in "liberal thinking"? I could not be more proud than to call myself an Iowan right now. Iowa Supreme Court just ruled the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. I am happy to know we are now the third state that allows everyone to marry. It's about time!
—Nikki, Des Moines
Dear Slowly But Surely:
Now, if we could only figure out a way to get California with it.
Dear Ted:
OK, listen: I'm a 39-year-old woman who always goes for the big he-man type, i.e, Russell Crowe, Harrison Ford, Gerard Butler. But I, too, have inexplicably fallen under the spell of—amazingly enough—Robert Pattinson. And yes, I believe your story about his hygiene. But I could honestly give a crap if he doesn't always bathe. I would take him any way I could get him. He's smelly? Who cares?
—Kara, Atlanta
Dear Dirtier the Better:
I think most people feel that way. And remember, I said most.
Dear Ted:
Saucy Bossy just has to be Vin Diesel, right? He's got a delightful case of the gay face.
—Paul , Calif.
Dear Roughed-Up:
Gay face he might have, but wrong ethnicity for Mr. Boss!
Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Oded Good-Head was Ne-Yo?
—Brit
Dear Closer:
Sweet little Ne-Yo? No way! OGH could eat him up for breakfast, though.
Dear Ted:
Tell me it ain't so! Saying Jen A should move to the suburbs because her roles aren't "meaty" enough is elitist. What's wrong with a working actress making funny movies? And suggesting that she go away because of her bad choices in men borders on sexism! You haven't landed Brad Pitt 2.0...so out to pasture with you, Ms. Aniston! I heart you, Ted, but I'm putting you on time out (in my head)! Let the chick work and bang whatever she likes.
—Faith, Atlanta
Dear Faniston:
It's not who she's banging that's bothering me. Hell, that gives me too much to write about! It's the fact that I do think this gal can do more. I loved The Good Girl. Right now, she's on the path to becoming the female Matthew McConaughey, though.
Dear Ted:
Is Anderson Cooper Grey Goose? He doesn't appear hetero to me. Is he too old or young to be G.C.? Love you love your column.
—Goosey Hunter
Dear Cooped-Up Coop:
Sorry, darling. Too old.
Dear Ted:
I'm still waiting to find out if George Clooney has ever been a subject of your Blind Vices. I'm serious. Yay or Nay. So many seem to fit him.
—Myy Place
Dear Come and Play:
With those dimples? Absolutely!