The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Any dirt on Joe Jonas? And do you think he really did cheat on Taylor Swift? Too bad, I liked them as a couple.
—Phii 

Dear Joe Dirt:
I like Tay-squared better. And no new dirt on Jonas, other than he's in Madrid alone right now. Pity the poor Spaniard chicks there who get treated like he did Taylor. Who does Joe think he is, Doug Reinhardt? And it's just dumb that Joe's still supposed to be so clean and innocent. Give me Nick any day. And as for Swift—how come she always comes out from these Hollywood relayshes unscathed? It's very suspicious, I'm keeping my eye on that cutie.

Dear Ted:
You know, I think Brad Pitt likes his women skinny. Gwyneth Paltrow got even thinner when they were together and so did Jennifer Aniston. I bet Angie lives on celery and lettuce out of fear that if she puts on the pounds, Brad will leave her for a younger, sexier and thinner starlet.
—Hmph 

Dear Nice Catch:
You know, thinking back on it, they all did skinny up while with him. But they don't all share the same eating habits, trust.

Dear Ted:
Did you see the Taylor Lautner interview the other night with Giuliana Rancic? She asks him what he likes to do on a first date, and he mentions that maybe "going to a game, like a hockey game." Oh really? Like the one he went on with Taylor Swift? More proof Tay-Tay is really happening? What do you think?
—Vanness

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Despite Carrie Underwood's near-Kanye West moment at the CMA Awards last night, gotta say these babies weren't exactly our cup o' gossipy tea, is that putting it delicately enough? Oh, who cares, let's just say we were hoping for a little bit of drama onstage, Underwood quasi-bitch, notwithstanding.

Nevertheless, we had one of our fabulous E! spies out in Nashville who's feeding us all the gab on what you didn't see go down on the boob tube.

Was Taylor Swift as nice as she very much tries to appear to be? And which babe was acting too big for her botoxed-looking britches?

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Dear Ted:
Love you much. So since True Blood hasn't started up again and we are all anxiously awaiting New Moon, I have been forced to get my vamp fill from The Vampire Diaries. Never really watched Lost, but I am loving Ian Somerhalder. What's the deal with him?
—R.bird 

Dear Supernatural Lover:
Mr. Somerhalder is one hot piece of ass, and as with all gorgeous types, he's got the bad-boy stories to boot, right along with the bad-boy looks. But he hasn't been a Vice'r...yet. Soon, very soon.

Dear Ted:
What the hell was wrong with Kim's face on the Atlanta Housewives reunion show?! It looked fat or puffy or swollen?
—Kc

Dear Desperately Overboard Housewife:
It's called Housewife syndrome—when these paid-for wives have nothing else to do but, shall we say, experiment with their pusses and how to stay young.

Dear Ted:
There are rumors out that Angelina Jolie is participating with the author(s) of books coming out about her. What do you think are the odds that it may be true?
—Curious

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Dear Ted:
I follow you every day online, but with all this Robsten thing going on and now the two Taylors rumors, it makes me think about the move America's Sweethearts. Is it really all just a setup to promote a movie? Or is it really happening?
—adrical

Dear Cinephile:
You are the only person in the world who is thinking about that movie anymore. Lautner and Swift interested in each other? Very likely the real thing. Them dining in super pap-friendly locales together? Don't be surprised if somebody's management got them a killer reservation knowing the press they'd get (and their concerts/flicks) when spotted together.

Dear Ted:
Met that nerdorkable hottie Joseph Gordon-Levitt the other night and he couldn't be sweeter. What's the scoop? Is he really as down-to-earth and talented as he seems or has he got a few Blind Vice skeletons in his closet, too? Much love to you and the Awful Truth team!
—sweetdaschund

Dear Looking for Trouble:
There is none. Every time any of Team Awful's hung around JGL, he's been a peach. Not sayin' he's sinless, but he keeps it on the DL whenever we've had our eye on him. Maybe he'll crack sometime soon? Hope so!

Dear Ted:
Are Josh Peck and Drake Bell (of Drake & Josh) Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? They seem to be all about that "brotherly love."
—Milena

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Looks like Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are on the fast track from being "just friends" to a little bit more. Tay-Squared stepped out together for the first time officially last night, hitting up the Los Angeles Kings game.

T & T, both dressed in black, took in the game from second-row seats and looked like they were having a fab time together, onlookers tell us.

As for their nightcap?

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Peggy Sirota/GQ

Is it unhealthy to lust after Twilight's Taylor Lautner, or any of the myriad oversexualized teens in H'wood?

But that's what they want us to do, ain't it? Why else would they so easily just ooze sex appeal, even though they aren't old enough to pull the slots in Vegas or throw back a flute during a fete (at least not here in the States).

But not everyone's against it: Tina Fey told us at the Emmys, "I consider it a rite of passage for all our young daughters to work the pole."

We couldn't agree with her more! We're totally for all of the hot young things in movies, TV and music being free to explore how they want to express themselves—be it an oversexualized photo shoot, age-inappropriate fashion choices or sharing the minutiae of their dating lives on Twitter. This is the best time of their lives to make mistakes, no?

Check out our gallery, chock-full of Twilight peeps, Disney kids, H'wood royalty and all the other sizzling pop-culture young things who we can't believe are still too young to get into L.A.'s hottest clubs (not like that stops some of them!).

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Dear Ted:
I really like Taylor Swift. Is she as sweet as she seems, or is she secretly like Jennifer Garner behind closed doors?
—Michelle

Dear Tooth Ache:
About as sweet as it gets. She's everything Garner wishes you thought she was! Seriously, it makes the whole Kanye incident that much worse 'cause the d-bag couldn't have done it to a nicer gal.

Dear Ted:
With Taylor Swift getting the SNL gig, have you heard if they may try and pimp (I mean hype) her connection with Taylor Lautner by having him do a guest spot (showing his abs, since he has done that a lot lately) to promote the New Moon release coming up?
—L.B.

Dear Pimping Out Tay-Squared:
Not a bad idea! Plus Justin Long made a cameo when Drew Barrymore hosted, same for Scarlett Johansson when her hubby, Ryan Reynolds, was on the show...getting your significant other to guest spot is all the rage these days! Would be one helluva great way to tell the world they're more than amigos.

Dear Ted:
I realize Obama's inaction on gay rights is frustrating, and I agree that he needs to do more. However, I am disappointed in you that because of this one issue, you are writing him off as someone who only cares about fame. Do you really believe that to be true? I would hope you wouldn't dismiss someone like him who has been working tirelessly on other important issues (for example, healthcare, international relations, etc.) that easily.
—Lindsay

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Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
I am digging the Taylor Lautner-Taylor Swift thing. In the Entertainment Weekly interview with Taylor and Kristen this summer, he mentioned how much he really likes her music after working with her in their upcoming movie Valentine's Day. I can't help but notice that he may have a thing for Ms. Swift. Lautner even made a comment during the VMAs red carpet interview that he was excited to see Ms. Swift perform. Is there a real Tay-Tay in the making?
—Egger Fan Monielove

Dear Swiftner:
We sincerely hope so! It's just too precious not to happen. Plus, this is how people get hooked up in H'wood—they put it out there themselves, and complimenting your crush in an interview is a surefire way to get her attention. We don't think a gentlemanly T.L. would break li'l Swifty's heart over the friggin' phone, à la Joe Jonas.

Dear Ted:
Regarding the Kanye West-Taylor drama: Maybe it's just my Southern roots, but I can't believe that Taylor Lautner (the only guy on the stage) didn't intervene. He should have taken the microphone away from the attention-seeking fame whore that is West and handed it back to Taylor Swift. Wouldn't that have been the gentlemanly thing to do?
—lavereeland

Dear Intervention:
He's a sweet guy all right, but he's not stupid. Who knows what crazy crap Kanye's capable of? Think he wants to get clocked on TV by a Hennessy-drinking rapper who can't control his outbursts?

Dear Ted:
We all know Megan Fox is one heck of a manipulator. Wouldn't it be better if she kept some air of mystery and keep her mouth shut instead? I would be much more interested if she did something bizarre and not know the reason.
—coolangel

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Dear Ted:
Am I the only one that thinks the Taylor Swift-Kanye West fiasco is ridiculous? It's not like she was accepting the Grammy for Best New Artist! It's a VMA—the cable equivalent of a People's Choice Award! Is anyone shocked that Kanye is a tool? No. But what really pisses me off is the uninvolved, irrelevant "celebrities" who are taking to their blogs, twitters, talk shows etc. to condemn Kanye just at the moment they have projects to promote (ahem, Pink). Besides, I think Kanye is just still upset that he's a big, gay fish.
—Miranda

Dear Team Kanye:
You really think Pink called Kanye a piece of merde so you'd go see her on tour or something? She's actually talented (as if her high-flying VMA performance didn't showcase than enough)—she doesn't need manipulative tweets just to get you to notice her. And the VMAs might not mean anything to you or some other celebs, but winning her first Moon Man was an important moment to teenager Taylor who prolly grew up watching VMAs.

Dear Ted:
I wasn't exactly surprised to hear that Megan Fox is actually dumb and talentless, but I was a little shocked to read the letter from the members of the Transformers crew. She seems like an awful person! Do you think this will hurt her career?
—Skyler

Dear Believe What You Read:
Fab question, which we'll be addressing in length a little later today. Does it shock me that Megan is supposedly difficult to work with? Absolutely not. She's an actress—many have a sense of entitlement and are extremely divalicioius behind the scenes. But I also couldn't help feeling that whoever wrote the letter had a score to settle, like it was written by either guys who couldn't get a second glance from Meg or girls who want to be her. Ya feel me?

Dear Ted:
Do Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed like Ashley Greene? You never see them together. And why is it that the vampire part of the cast never hangs out with the "human" side?
—theburns

Dear Twilight Clique:
We've told ya for some time that not all the girls in the cast are BFFs with each other. They all get along just fine—but I would say Ash is closer with Kellan Lutz than with Nikki or Kristen. As for the last part of your question, what do you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen are doing?

Dear Ted:
How's Nevis Divine and Miss Costar's current relationship status?
—J-Rod

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Jean Baptiste Lacroix/Getty Images; Venturelli/Getty Images; Jun Sato/Getty Images

To those who say the goss biz isn't a respectable or intelligent world, we say, "Suck our science, bitches." Yes, the Awful Truth may reveal some pretty, well, awful truths at times, but at least we do it with dazzling theoretical skills and one damn fabulous execution of the scientific method!

In looking back at some of our polls over the last month, we've come up with some pretty cool hypotheses. And don't ya know, they're all based on the things that you've told us through the online democratic process of poll voting. So here's a nice roundup of the results of what you have to say about the divalicious world of celebrity dirt doers like Matthew McConaughey, Sienna Miller, Megan Fox, Taylor Lautner and so much more.

The conclusions we've drawn are...

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Fame Pictures

You've seen the pictures, you've read the stories, but we just couldn't wait any longer to say it: Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift together are absolutely, positively, incomprehensibly mouth-friggin'-watering...

Could they be giving Robsten a run for their doable money?

Both youngsters are undeniably some of the sexiest, most appetizing, eye-pleasing (we're running out of adjectives!) heartthrobs to hit their respective H'wood scenes: T. Swift in the music world and T. Lautner in the land of fangirls and vampires. But when the two of them got together to film a cameo for upcoming flick Valentine's Day, in which the stud and the babe play a gym-clothes-wearing couple at a fictional high school, we knew that everyone would be talking about this insanely perfect pairing.

Isn't it about time that the male Taylor got some media attention for his romantic exploits?

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