The Awful Truth

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Has Jennifer Aniston started a trend that isn't her damn haircut? Hanging around unavailable men is the new postdumped way to behave in H'wood, à la Aniston. Oh no?

Then explain recently separated Robin Wright Penn traveling back from Toronto to L.A. on the same flight as Keanu Reeves. The two costars of the Brad Pitt-produced flick Private Lives of Pippa Lee, which premiered at the Toronto Film Festival, got close and personal on the five-hour flight back. 

"They checked in at the airport together and then sat next to each other in first class on the plane," an eyewitness tells us. "They were smiling and seemed happy, but they were both wearing hats and seemed like they didn't want to be recognized."

So does this mean Robin's totally over sleazy ex-hubby Sean Penn?

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Dear Ted:
You say Sean Penn is pathetic, but what about David Duchovny? He's as pathetic, even more pathetic that Penn, I'd say. He's stupid for not setting up with Gillian Anderson and coming back to Téa Leoni instead. I can't believe he's into that fake marriage again. I thought he was getting a divorce? I was starting to admire him again when I read your stuff about Gillovny. I totally think Gillian and David make a great couple and they do love each other for real. I'm tired of the same David and Téa s--t again. Their attitude cannot be good for their kids.
—Cris

Dear Old Habits Die Hard:
You're right, David and Sean are both pretty damn slimy. This is what makes other guys out there think it's totally acceptable to step out on a wife or girlfriend, 'cause they are always taken back! Women do the same and they're sluts.  

Dear Ted:
Will Earth actually stop rotating if there is one day without Twilight and overrated Robert Pattinson posts? Try it and let's see!
—In the dark about that whole Twilight thing

Dear New Gloom:
The world might not stop, but my inbox would overflow. Give Twi a chance—it's way more fun than any Lindsay, Paris or Jessica Simpson shenanigans. Don't you agree? 

Dear Ted:
Three questions actually: (1) You have used the word "fiery" to describe Robsten on two separate occasions since your Fourth of July post. Are you hinting that Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart actually did have a secret rendezvous that weekend? (2) You have alluded to R.P. and K.S. having "dating rules." Do they really, and what are they? (3) How much drama and secret controversy can a 19-year-old and 23-year-old who have been dating for less than six months (or so) have? Can you spill at least one thing? Thanks. P.S.: My daughter and I will be picking up an orangey-cinnamon tabby at the local shelter tomorrow. He is missing one ear and has several scars where fur will never grow. We fell in love with him the minute we saw him. I am naming him Teddy. Thanks.
—Ann

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What do Rihanna and Robin Wright Penn have in common? Their mouths. Both talented women keep their traps shut way too much, I say. Way.

Sean Penn, and take it from me 'cause I hear the sleazy juice on this dude regularly, has been one of the worst Hollywood husbands in recent times. And in an age of Alec Baldwin, Mel Gibson and Eddie Murphy, this is saying quite a lot.

Yet, here we have Mrs. Penn with the opportunity to reunite with her divorcing, sparring spouse yet again! How many chances does this woman need to figure out her hubby's just not that into her, ultimately? Will Robin pathetically, sadly, predictably take him back one more time? Let's pray not.

Just like I'm sayin' a prayer right now for Rihanna. Can't she ditch the silly playtime girlie thing (if only for a sec, mind you, girlfriend more than deserves to get her kinky fun on) and finally speak out against or call out the schmuck who her hurt her so badly? It's what all of us are thinking every time we look at her healed face. Name the freak for exactly what he did and be done with it—and him.

But then, these are Rihanna's and Robin's lives to lead, not mine. It's just painful to watch, that's all.

Denise Truscello/Getty Images; Allstar/Globe Photos/ZumaPress.com

Dear Ted:
I had to fire back on your comment to "Hypocrite"—Miss California does rock. Perez may not have agreed with her opinion. However, America was founded on tolerance of dissenting beliefs, not condemnation. I support gay marriage, but Perez's actions were intolerant and out of line, and for someone seeking acknowledgement of an ideal universally, it should not be at the cost of forcing down another person on the basis of their beliefs because you are empowered to do so at your discretion. I am certain he can relate to that feeling as an advocate of gay rights, and to exert that onto another person, that is hypocritical.
—Sam

Dear Debate Rolls On:
God forbid a judge actually judges someone! Sheesh.

Dear Ted:
As hot as Robsten is, I have to say they look like they could be brother and sister. Perhaps there is something to say for people being attracted to those that look like them...
—Andrea W., Powhatan, Va.

Dear Scowling Sibs:
They both sure do glower the same!

Dear Ted:
Is Hugh Jackman Hard-Nipple Nick?! I just saw that his wife also has a career in the Biz, so it makes complete sense. Also, he does have hard-looking nipples, both children are adopted and there's been gay rumors about him and his Biz partner! I'm know I'm right, but I love H.J. just the same!
—C Sutherland

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AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

'Member back at the Oscars when Sean Penn completely avoided thanking his wife while accepting the Best Actor Academy Award for Milk? And Sean's excuse was, "she knows how I feel."

Total ass-wipe put-down, right? Ha! Now that Sean's filing for separation—again—well, we all know how Penn truly feels.

Wonder why the Penns decided to play the man-and-wife thing throughout the whole damn process? Did it make Academy voters more comfortable with voting for a guy who played a gay man, as long as deep down, he had a hetero, pretty, happy nuclear family by his side, and one he wasn't supposedly stepping out on, to boot?

And jeez: You'd think it'd be the left-at-home wife wanting to get the ef away from a husband who spends evenings with the ever-trustworthy Lindsay Lohan (who at this point has more experience busting up relationships than acting), not to mention similar eyebrow-raising honeys in hotel suites.

ABC/Donna Svennevik; Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images for VH1

Backstage at the Oscars, I apparently started something when I asked Milk's Best Original Screenplay winner, Dustin Lance Black, if he felt President Obama should reverse his stand against gay marriage.

"Absolutely," Black (who was raised a Mormon, interestingly enough) exclaimed to me.

A reporter later also asked Sean Penn my same query about the president's unfortunate stand on gay unions. Penn, brow-wrinkled, replied that he hoped Obama's anti-gay-marriage stance was a "political" one, and not one from the heart, and that he, too, felt the 44th prez should reconsider his intolerant position.

This was such a personality change for Penn!

Last time he was backstage with his Oscar (for Mystic River), Robin's naughty hubby was chewing ice from his cocktail tumbler the whole time, ranting away! Not so 2009: Penn, circumspect, meant business with his serious words to the president. Besides, he got smart this time: He had his publicist hold his cocktail glass for him offstage, out of camera range.

NBC Photo: Paul Drinkwater

Do you all check in with that bitch on Internet wheels, Nikki Finke? Love her. She's got a fab poll going on over at her rebel Industry site, Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood, essentially saying Mickey Rourke vs. Sean Penn is the only Oscar question worth fretting about.

Not whether or not Hugh Jackman will host shirtless? Hmmm.

Regardless, just thought you all might like to know that if you sensed a certain eager and entirely reformed Rourke accepting all these awards recently, you are correct in smelling a publicity campaign fish. Rourke, who's got a hideously fistfighting rep prior to his terrific turn in The Wrestler, has indeed consulted an expert to help him navigate through awards season—with the express outcome being the big Oscar catch himself.

"Mea culpa is the message Rourke's been told to spread," revealed a source thisclose to the Rourke advisor. "You know all that stuff Mickey's crying about being given a second chance in life?" asked our Oscar campaign insider, "He's been told to say—to sell it!"

OK, so, maybe it's not the biggest crime in the world to beg for Oscar via someone else's design, but jeez, Sean Penn's altogether disdain for this whole political dance is looking more and more attractive, by comparison. Besides, Rourke's staples scene bugged me almost as much as Prop 8 passing in California, so let's hear it for a homophobe-bashing nod to Penn, everybody!

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"No."

—Laughed Sean Penn when we asked him if he'd had any initial reservations about playing Harvey Milk and all that comes along with such a role...you know, like kissing other dudes

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In the words of Sandra Bullock, probably the best thing about the drawn-out Golden Globes last weekend was the free drinks. As the champagne flowed so did the awesome stories. During Mickey Rourke's acceptance speech, there was one guy who was visibly pissed it wasn't Sean Penn at the podium. We assumed it was 'cause S.P. was a buddy of his or somethin' but no, the upset man said it was because Sean is not only a great actor but also a...great person.

And no, this wasn't Lindsay Lohan in drag talking to us. "He saved my life," babbled the drunkard.

Do tell..

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Focus Features

"I think it would have been very different. We didn't really have the ability because so many out gay actors were not the ones the companies would get exited about for financing."

—Milk director Gus Van Sant on if the flick about assassinated gay leader Harvey Milk would have been any different had they hired an openly gay guy to play Milk, instead of superhetero Penn. Film fans are nuts over gay actors—closeted ones, at least. Too bad.

Flynet Pictures

Did you catch it when those fab busybodies over at Celebuzz caught Lindsay Lohan getting her flirt on with Sean Penn? Interesting, too, at the little party L2 was having with Sean at Nobu was the fact that nearby in the chic joint was Eve, a one-time amiga, let's call it, of Mr. Penn. Eve did not even speak to the Oscar winner—nor did Eve speak to Sean. Hmmm. Wonder if Lindsay and Sean will one day be frosty ex whatevers, too? I mean, what, exactly, is going on with Sean and Lindsay?

"All I know is that they have known each other since they made films in New Orleans," answered Lohan's famously outspoken press rep, Leslie Sloane. Rather eclipsed for the lusciously caustic repper. And even more clipped was Sloane's answer when I asked whether or not Lindsay and her oft-battling babe, Samantha, were together. Silence. Now, that's really saying something for the gal (all three of 'em, actually.)