The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
I think Rob and Kristen should be Buffy and Angel for Halloween. Your thoughts?
—Jess

Dear Team Angel:
Love, love and more love! But let's not make Kristen have to kill Rob and bring him back from hell, etc.

Dear Ted:
I think I am becoming obsessed with "beards." Are they so shallow as to enter into a fake relationship just for the attention from the press for themselves…and to cover for someone who is in the closet? I mean, Ted, what's in it for them? And why do closeted celebrities feel they have to stay in the closet? Haven't we made any strides at all in this country? Am I naive?
—P.K.

Dear Forward Thinker:
Only naive to the Biz, hon-cake. You don't see Neil Patrick Harris or T.R. Knight (whom we both adore) getting offered parts in big flicks where guy gets girl, do ya? That's the fear of the closeted actor. As for the beard, a lot of them have secrets they need covered, too. Not to mention they're often vicarious to the max.

Dear Ted:
Why is there no Blind Vice archive? Wouldn't it be nice if it were organized by person, and not by date. P.S.: How about some new gay Blinds that aren't about Twilight? Dish!
—Blue Rafael

Dear Patience Is a Virtue:
We promise, we're on the B.V. archive task. Over a thousand of them, baby, remember. And it'll be a hell of a lot better than just being organized by person. As for gay blinds, you clearly must be new to this column. Dig farther back, babe!

Dear Ted:
Did Angelina fool around with Gerard Butler while filming Tomb Raider 2? She has fooled around with almost every leading man in her movies, but I never heard anything about the two of them.
—C.J.

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Dear Ted:
Is there any way we can find Nikki Reed another movie to do so she can get fired from Eclipse, too?
—Robsten Fan 

Dear Ba-Zing!
Let's get you set up with your own blog, bitch. I haven't laughed out loud like that in a looong time. Now email me and I'll tell you where to send Nikki's flowers. 

Dear Ted:
Please, please, please tell me that Toothy Tile is Kellan Lutz! I wrote a list of the people you ruled out, and K.Lutz is the only one absent (I think). He had a famous partner, AnnaLynne McCord, and she looks like she could kinda go both ways. Ugh, this is driving me crazy! I bet this was exactly what you were going for! Blessings for Butch in doggie heaven, which is where I know he is. Love ya!
—Maddie Love 

Dear Killin' for Kellan:
Fantastic guess! But Toothy was in the limelight long before Kellan ever was. (And thanks for the Butch wishes, but he's right next door in feline heaven.) 

Dear Ted:
I just saw The Hangover, and yes, I know I am very late on that one. I thought it was hysterical! Bradley Cooper is a sexy beast. My questions are: Has he ever been a B.V.? And what's going on with him these days? Is he still trying to hook up with Renée Zellweger—and why her, seriously?
—Jenni S. 

Dear Brad's Babe:
Yep, B-Diddy has been a juicy little naughty Vice before. And as for what his current sitch is, it's tough to differentiate what his true ladylovin' feelings are from what he's only doing to stay relevant now that the spotlight has found him again. Could Jen Aniston be the former, or the latter? Hmmm, indeed. 

Dear Ted:
More Robsten, more Robsten! Ted, what is the up and up on Robsten's upcoming Teen Choice Awards appearance? Should we expect a whole lot of lackluster nothingness?!
—Amanda

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No one’s talking about this, and we want to know why:

Firstly, it ain’t easy being the hub-unit to a more successful spouse, especially when that dynamic’s escalated times ten in the public eye. Freddie Prinze Jr. already had enough to deal with having a famous father, but horror-genre gem and bitch-about-town Sarah Michelle Gellar is a hard act to follow, fer sure.

So how’s Mr. Gellar keepin’ busy? As was announced recently, he’s climbed onboard the creative team for World Wrestling Entertainment. You read that right. That means Fred will help pen all the pumped-up storylines for WWE’s wrestling matches aired on television. Prinzie is a longtime wrestling aficionado, so we’re hoping this is a fantasy camp kinda sitch and not a permanent career switch.

Then again—when’s the last time the guy’s had an acting gig? F.P. Jr. hasn’t had a relevant role since Scooby-Doo...if that’s even considered substantial cinema. Sure, he had his own TV show, Freddie, which lasted a season, but who hasn’t nowadays? Margo Casablanca’s sitcom is about to be greenlighted, we assure you.

Has having Buffy as his bride become so much competition that the dude’s decided not even to try anymore? Well...

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