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Dear Ted:
I just don't get it with Gyllenspoon. Reese is a calculating deceiver. (Do you remember when a reporter went up to her on the red carpet just before her split with her ex-hub saying how lucky she was with him in life and she agreed?) Jake is such a nice guy. Is she using him to give a good image of herself? Please help!
—Dutch

Dear Way Off:
Love ya darlin', but your Gyllenspoon decoder is way off! They're both using each other for something in this relaysh.

Dear Ted:
What is Joe Jonas doing in that awful family? It's a travesty! He's the only one who doesn't act like he's from the 19th century. I don't think he's the bad boy of the bunch, but I do think he's the black sheep. Am I right on target or way off?
—N.C.

Dear Jone-Fused:
Right on the  face that he's not the bad boy of the bunch...wrong that he's the black sheep.

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with these teen girls in Hollyland? Haven't they ever heard the girl code "never date you friend's ex"? I smell another public feud between pals Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift!
—Andrea

Dear Maybe, Maybe Not:
I feel like I keep repeating myself. Maybe one of those relationships isn't for keeps.

Dear Ted:
I am so disgusted with Summit and the idiotic promotion of Taylor and the apparent hiding of Robert Pattinson. Kristen and Rob won Best Fantasy Actor/Actress at the Scream Awards, and it wasn't even mentioned at the awards. But Taylor was front and center, when he had about 12 lines in only about four scenes in Twilight. Every poll shows the division, about 75 percent Pattinson and 25 percent Lautner. By far, the most versatile and talented actor is Pattinson; he's Summit's moneymaker.
—Gosh

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InStyle

There's a reason why Reese Witherspoon is one of the craftiest broads in Hollywood.

Even though we know we're being manipulated with each interview into thinking of this pixie as the sweet girl next door (which she ain't), she does it in a way that makes us still like her. Jennifer Garner take notes, by all means.

Reese covers In Style next month and totally takes a play outta the Brangelina interview book.

Like opening up about her sex life, perhaps?

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Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Michael J Fox Foundation

Leave it to Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson to finally be spotted out in public together—and we can't even see their faces! Ry and ScarJo took a wild ride on Reynolds' motorcycle in L.A., and all we can do is yawn.

It's totally heatless!

Scarlett, if we were gripping a tight bod like Ry-Ry's we would hold onto his muscles for dear life—maybe even throw a leg or two around his ripped waist just to remind all those fantasizing girls out there that that's what you get to do in private, too.

We never get to see two of the most gorgeous people on the planet, who just happen to be married, out together ever.

Scar and Ry have been the butt of a few rumors surrounding their marriage—that not all is well in paradise—but they still like being around each other enough to sit close 'n' tight on a hog, we guess. Sure, a "wild" bike ride trumps Jake and Reese's standard latte hangouts, but Rarlett has so much more potential than Gyllenspoon that it pains us to see them throw their yummyness away for a bad set of helmet hair.

Show us some sexy, you two! Even Robsten manages to do it better and they are way more on the down-low.

________

Yawn. Scarlett. Clothes. YAWN.

Jeff Vespa/Getty Images, Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images, ABC/Adam Larkey, Lester Cohen/Getty Images

The Awful Truth is just as obsessed with our Blind Vices as you nosy folks are, so we decided to take a brief glimpse back at some of our fave celebs honored in our sin-celebrating section. Too fun!

Those celebs featured in our new Blind Vice Superstars gallery are top-drawer Vice subjects, every last one of 'em. And not the minor pissy supporting players, but the major starring beloved Vicers.

No, we're not outing anybody in our photo flip book, though we have in the past—Blind Vices for Teri Hatcher (Death-Mint Myrtle), David Duchovny (Sylvester Slimeball), Doug Reinhardt (Dexter Lecter) have all been revealed, along with a few other trouble-loving stars.

See? We're good sports! And one of these famous faces could be the next Blind babe we're totally willing to expose.

Don't be too cocky like ya know who each one is...There have been many hundreds of B.V.'s over the years, and these are just 25 choice celebs.

Can ya guess who's who? Happy hunting, folks! Here's to foul play!

________

Meet 25 of Hollywood's most A-list secret-keepers in our Blind Vice Superstars gallery!

Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images; Jason LeVeris/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Perez just had a story up that Alexander Skarsgård was seen in Shreveport, La., where he's filming a movie, with Evan Rachel Wood and that the two have been dating since they met on the set of True Blood. Say it ain't so!
—TMT

Dear Match Made in Hell:
Team Awful is gagging as much as you are. We love our A.S. untainted—so not feeling this pairing. The term dating is used so loosely now, but yes, we hear something is "going on" between the two. Nothing like Robsten, though. 

Dear Ted:
If you had watched the video of the person who called Kristen a bitch, you would have seen she did after they had already entered the car and were driving off. What's Rob suppose to do at that point, jump out the window? Is the photo op that Summit put on what you are referring to when you say Kristen hung out with Nikki Reed and Paris Latsis? Did you notice at the end they parted ways and Kristen was walking alone? It would not surprise me if Kristen did the photo op so she could have 24-hour leave to go to the concert with Rob, per Summit.
– Arabella 

Dear Keeping Up With Robsten:
What, you don't want to see Rob defend his gal's honor? Where there's an amorous will, there's always a way.

Dear Ted:
Why do people refer to Reese Witherspoon as the "beard"?
—Chin

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GQ

Dear Ted:
I was just thinking, who is more important/hotter/bigger in Hollywood? Zac Efron or Robert Pattinson?
—RR

Dear Heartthrob Battle:
R.Pattz by a landslide. Zac is so 2007. He ran out of High School Musicals to promote, while there's three more Twilight flicks yet to hit theaters.

Dear Ted:
I really think that One Naked-Googling Blind Vice is Kellan Lutz, especially since I saw "Kellan Me Softly" as a clue. I am right aren't I?
—williams7205

Dear Lutzing:
Babe, you're so off, you're Michelle Obama's new hairdo. Think far furrier, thicker and older.

Dear Ted:
I am a Robsten fan and have been from the very beginning; posted quite a bit back then. I cannot believe the hatred and slander displayed by posters both here and on other sites regarding Kristen Stewart. I am most shocked because these are fellow women attacking a 19-year-old girl whose only crime in their eyes was to fall in love and win the heart of Rob Pattinson. Kristen seems to be a decent person from a decent family, working hard to be the best actress and human being she can be. The fact that people are not rooting for this couple to make it in such a cynical town as Hollywood truly saddens me. Thanks for all you've done for this wonderful couple.
—Pippy

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J. Vespa/Getty Images

Jennifer Garner's cutesy mug is gracing the cover of C magazine this September, and she gives just some thrilling quotes. And by quotes, we mean white lies.

Says Jen: "I've never been one to paint myself up Hollywood style—I'm just not good at that. I don't have a healthy dose of that kind of vanity although I wish I did because then you know how to be cute when you need to be cute."

OMG! Ms. Garner is sheer perfection in regards to knowing when to turn on the cuteness. Like in front of every friggin' rolling camera, for starters. We wish we could show you the real J.G. behind the scenes, but some of you are already catching wind of what that's like.

Whatev, the total gem of this Q and A with the mag was who Jen revealed was her Hollywood bestie...

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Flynet

Dear Ted:
I used to love Jake Gyllenhaal. He always came across as sexy, self-confident, charming and funny. Since beginning his coffeemance with the ultraphony Reese he has lost all those qualities. He has now become Mr. Witherspoon following on a leash and picking bad movies (can you see the campfest that is Prince of Persia). Is there hope he'll come to his senses and be his own man again?
—Arianna 

Dear Pansyspoon:
Jake traded a lot in when he decided to get all domestically boring. But at the same time, shacking up with an Oscar winner makes people in the Business take him way more seriously. This is a pretty weird town, huh? 

Dear Ted:
I don't get why people keep suggesting Megan Fox to play vamped-out Bella in Breaking Dawn. I mean, I know that Fox is superhot, but I have no doubt Kristen Stewart can pull off playing a more gorgeous Bella (who isn't plain to begin with btw. She just seems to think that she is). Do you think that people just want to chuck K.Stew because of her awkward and sometimes less than friendly public appearances, or do they want the drama that adding Megan will inevitably bring? I just can't imagine them seriously believing such a drastic casting alteration would be a good idea in the Twilight series.
—Cela

Dear Rachelle 2.0:
Kristen definitely won't be replaced. It's not like she can't get glam and hot.

Dear Ted:
Is it true that Emma Watson is being totally bitchy on set of Harry Potter?
—Confused

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Kevin Mazur/ Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I believe we are responsible for our lives, no matter how awful some parents can be early in kids' lives. Why couldn't the brilliant Michael Jackson, adored and respected by all, spend his money finding help in the right places? He met great people in his journey who were in the business and who made it through to become decent human beings: Madonna, Quincy Jones, etc. Why couldn't he ask them for orientation, how to do it? Did he fall early on in the abyss of no return? He tried to live his kid life so desperately in his adulthood.
—Ornetari 

Dear M.J. Confused:
When people are that disturbed, they're missing the common-sense gene for sure. He just didn't think like that.

Dear Ted:
You practically tar and feather Isaiah Washington for calling T.R. Knight a f----t, but now you think that Perez Hilton is taking unnecessary heat for something that "happens all the time"? Talk about your double standard. Is it because Perez is gay that you are quite willing to brush it aside?
—Tina, Toronto 

Dear Word Cop:
I'm saying there's an enormous difference between a gay man taking an often anti-gay term back and spewing it right back out for total ef-you effect, as opposed to a straight man doing the same with a gay man. The black community does this reverse-empowering all the time, and I don't see them getting nailed to the cross for it. 

Dear Ted:
Has Reese Witherspoon ever worked with Nevis Devine?
—Jennifer

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Flynetonline.com

Dear Ted:
I think Kristen looks great with the vintage Joan Jett hair. I feel bad, though, that she seems insecure about it, especially with all the media attention about how shocking it is. She is such an accomplished actress, and The Runaways is an amazing opportunity for her to showcase her many talents. I hope she can feel more comfortable as shooting begins; she will totally embody Joan Jett. After shooting the movie, she can easily get extensions and go back to the beautiful long locks for Eclipse and Robsten sleepovers. Can you please write about how cool she looks?
—Robsten Fan

Dear Joan Jettsetting:
Well, she looks the part of a pissed-off rocker, that's all that's important, right? And I do hear Rob's into the boyish look, but really, I think K.S.'s a bit hotter with her full mane of pouty follicles.

Dear Ted:
Who do you think will tie the knot first, Ryan and Abbie or Jake and Reese?
—smj

Dear Race to the Altar:
I doubt Ryan's into Abbie for keeps. Certainly not anymore. Gyllenspoon will walk down the aisle before Ry and Ab do, and that's saying something.

Dear Ted:
I know you can't be too specific with your descriptions of Toothy Tile, but can you say what his age range is? 20-30, 30-40, over 50?
—Al

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Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Am I the only one creeped out by photos (clearly arranged, because how many paps hang out in the remote corners of southern Italy?) of Jake and Reese engaging in a PDA while Jake's mother and a personal assistant look on approvingly? What is up with that?
—A concerned Texan

Dear Creepy Couple:
Maybe the fam is just happy Jake found such a sweet gal like Reese! Plus, wherever Gyllenspoon goes, paps follow, whether they're invited or not. (We bet Maggie and Peter sure didn't want 'em around on their wedding day.)

Dear Ted:
I must be missing something here. Why would Summit be so opposed to a Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart romance? Most of the fans would love it, so if anything, I'd believe Summit would encourage the rumors. Do they think that if the dating relationship goes kaput, the chemistry up there on the screen will, too? P.S. I like "Krisbert" better than "Robsten."
—Summertime

Dear Krisberter:
Worked for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, right? Except in that case, Pitt was already a married dude. It certainly helps keeping R.P. as single as possible (and theoretically attainable) to keep his fans drooling over him. And Mormon God forbid Rob and Kristen publicly get together and publicly break up...that ruins the whole facade of their so-in-love characters, Edward and Bella.

Dear Ted:
Five words: MTV Movie Awards, Best Kiss. Are Robsten a shoo-in win? Don't the winners have to kiss on stage? Or will New Moon filming get in the way?
—Urmy

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Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon, taking a long-needed vacay from Brentwood coffee runs, headed out to the hotass desert to check out musicfest Coachella.

I think they wanted folks to think they actually sweat from things other than hikes and runs.

The pretty pair brushed off watching headlining act The Killers in favor of grooving to hipster fave Jenny Lewis. Jakey and Jenny used to date way, way back in the day, but Reese must not be much of a jealous lady since she mouthed the words to every song while Gyll-hon wrapped his Prince of Persia biceps around her.

What a sweetie! How perfectly protective, bro! But what was this, a People Who Have Dated Jake Gyllenhaal Convention?

'Cause another J.G. ex at the fest was...

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