The Awful Truth

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When we announced that Toothy Tile won our user-voted year-end awards, the Prop 88s (88 celebrity propositions we want passed, including T. Tile coming out of his very dusty closet), we suggested a lovely ceremony at the Beverly Hilton to make it official. You know, award him with an actual trophy instead of a trophy girlfriend, that sort of sensible thing.

We chose Oct. 11, National Coming Out Day, can't think why. Next thing you know, the senior catering manger from the damn Hilton emails us and wants to know if we really are booking the joint? I said I'd ask.

Toothy? Is it a date?

W Magazine

The holiday season's over, hope you drank all the virgin eggnog you and Lindsay Lohan could muster! Now that it's 2009, let's get on to bigger, badder and trashier things—the results of our 11-day run of Prop 88s, our rebel yell for 88 celebrity bad-behavior propositions.

Here's the winning results, per day, in order of how desperate all of you want that par-tick prop to pass:

21 percent: Botox is discontinued. Every face on Desperate Housewives falls off. And a few Down Under, too.

24 percent: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz's names are legally changed to Bronx and Queens. Let's see how they like it.

27 percent: Jen simply has to stop talking about Angelina. Angie, though, can talk about Jen all she wants.                 

28 percent: Will Smith must cease talking about how often he schtups Jada Pinkett Smith. His acting isn't good enough.

30 percent: A limit of one new baby per year for Angelina Jolie. And she's not allowed to pose for any photo spreads with the kid.

30 percent: Obama has to get us out of Iraq, stat. Sooner than later, Barack.

32 percent: Michael Jackson must go away. Forever. No joke.

35 percent: Elisabeth Hasselbeck is no longer allowed to speak. Outspoken Republican voices have bankrupted this country enough as it is.

52 percent: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag owe society 700 hours of community service—without a staged photo op.

53 percent: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson must publicly become a couple. Far more exciting than the latest X-Files flick.

What deranged dynamic in H'wood possibly could have beaten Scully and Mulder slinking out of a bathroom together, hand in hand, for all their X-philes (and exes) to see? Find out after the jump!

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Monica Hoover

OMG, it's here! The final installment of our cheeky year-end nods, the Prop 88s! This is where we all take the power back and demand what's to be made illegal—or not—in Hollywood. Ain't it fab? Last chance to play God, or the Mormon Church (take your pick), so vote, babies. And check back tomorrow to see which wretched celebrity soul got the most votes out of all 88 nominees!

Charley Gallay / Getty Images

Oh dear, do we really have to endure a whole 'nother year of movie stars talking insipidly about how much they plow their wives at home? Is this really necessary for celeb entertainment followers? We say not! So if ya want to stop the fake-horny madness, too, just vote now!

Jordan Strauss/Getty Images

Happy new year, babes, hope you've got some killer plans tonight to ring in '09. And what better way to welcome the new year than to make a few new laws, right? Pick your fave—or least fave—and get the damn thing passed! See ya next bitchy year!

AP Photo/Isaac Brekken

It's day eight of our Prop 88s. Hope you're in a picky mood, folks, 'cause we've got eight crankyass choices for what needs to be enforced or eighty-sixed out of 2009. Forget Nicole Kidman's weird baby body—let's find out what she was hiding under all those bloody bodyguard attack headlines a while back! Grab some bandages and vote!

Jordan Strauss/Getty Images

We're officially halfway through our rebellious end-of-the-year countdown, the 88s! Time goes by quickly when you're being bitchy, no? Should Lauren head out and Angie up? Vote for whichever prop you think should pass!

Paul Fenton/ZUMAPress.com

It's day six of our Prop 88s—cast your vote for your fave rule that must be obeyed in '09! Should Katie take it off? Should Gisele put it on? Should Toothy Tile really shock us and come clean? Imagine the scandalous thought and vote!

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Nathanael Jones/PacificCoastNews.com

Tomorrow's Christmas, and we sure hope you get everything you want in your stockings! Us? Well, we just want world peace, Mormons to get what's coming to them and, oh, an end to the Pratts' reign on gossip, that's all! Don't you agree? Go on and vote! And have a virgin eggnog on us!

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

Hey all you fab Awful malcontents, it's day four of our very different end-of-the-year awards, taking rights away from people who didn't deserve them in the first place!

Hurry up and vote. Everything! Must! Go!

NBC Photo: Dana Edelson, Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Aren't you excited? It's day three of A.T.'s dubious end-of-the-year awards, the Prop 88s. We've been given many things over the year—Zuma and Bronx as thrilling baby names, for one—but what should be taken away in '09?

You know, just like gay marriage was here in California! Vote your answer, sweeties...

Sipa via AP Images

Here's day two's batch of our Prop 88s—a hundred minus a dozen choices for whose rights should be taken away next. The gays have paid their dues and then some, time for someone else to have their rights revoked. Ain't living in a democracy grand? Vote if you agree!