The Awful Truth

New Moon hits theaters at midnight, which is why we've made this week nonstop Twilight (next week for you haters we'll try and just stop, promise). As Twilight fever hits, I sink my teeth into the top truths and lies about the slurp-a-sexy New Moon cast.

You'll never guess how it ends...

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Head on over to our Truth, Lies, & Ted archive for more dirt.

Twilight's Nikki Reed sat down with Rachael Ray to promote New Moon, and that dubious chef and fake nicey-type got Nikki to spill some deets about her love life.

Relax, Team Kristen, Reed had nothing to say on Robert Pattinson.

It was all about her current beau, Paris Latsis, and how her new lovah has made her a better person and made her quit her nasty habits...

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Jon Didier/AMPAS; Jean-Paul Aussenard/Getty Images

"I think Megan Fox was actually touted once. Which is ridiculous! I don't know how that happened. That poor girl is so saturated [in the media] with sex."

—Our new New Moon crush Charlie Bewley, when we asked him if he pays attention to all of the hookup rumors surrounding the Twi cast

Jeez, no idea where the Fox rumor could have gotten started! One of our Vancouver spies still swears something happened between Robert Pattinson and foxy Fox, but who really knows?

As for which girl Mr. Bewley had his eye on? Seems too many of the female leads were already swooped up...

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HBO/Jaimie Trueblood

Let's face it: Vampires, in general, are a pretty salacious bunch. But we've basically got two kinds lurking around, right?

There's the more noble and chiseled variety, as in Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen. But on the other fang, you've got flesh-chomping sex-crawlers Nikki Reed and Alexander Skarsgård. On-camera, too, for that matter!

Which begs, just begs, the need for a new addition to our fab Celeb Addictionary! Certainly for castmembers of the myriad Vamp shows and movies who can't necessarily be trusted with humans' throats once the day's shooting is done.

Want to hear what we think they should be called?

Vamp-Tramp, of course!

Exact definition: (noun) one who plays a vampire on camera, but whose off-camera neck-thirsty antics pale by comparison.

Can you top that? Then slap your saucy words into the Addictionary widget below.

Oh, and by the way, I suppose you could talk us into putting R.Pattz and Kristen Stewart into this definition, but we'd probably have to be drinking the same thing as Lindsay Lohan to agree to it. After all, Robsten's all about subtlety, which Skarsgård and Reed seem to run from like Dracula flees from garlic bread.

Mark Sullivan/Getty Images

A lot of people have asked whether we love or hate Nikki Reed. Through all our cryptic coding it's confusing, yes. 

First of all, we don't give people a hard time whom we don't actually enjoy. That certainly includes Nikki. Sure, we'll joust her for her not exactly subtle Robert Pattinson digs (after all, there's lots of drama that did or did not go down with Robki), but at the end of the day, this is a very, very smart girl. And we want to give her credit when due. 

And of course, we have gabs of Nikki musings from the New Moon press party we simply must get to, like what Nik thinks of her legions of haters...

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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images; Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

The most hysterical clip from the New Moon junket this past weekend had what appeared to be Nikki Reed cozying within inches of her onetime "hookup" guy, Robert Pattinson. (Check the pop-up label IDs on that video.)

Only problem is, that wasn't Nikki. It was an E! talent who's not exactly shy with the dudes she meets in this pretty-boy town. Who could it be? Catt Sadler? Giuliana? That tall drink of man-eating water Ashlan Gorse?

Find out that and just who Nikki's been sinking her pretty little claws into, as of the past few minutes:

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Joe Corrigan/Getty Images

Halloween's in seconds, babes, and looks like every celeb, from A-list to whatever the ef Octomom counts as, is getting in on the Halloween fun.

Nadya Suleman took a photo op dressed as a pregnant nun, har har! Gal's got a killer sense of humor, no? Why else would she dress up her darling brood of babies as devils and flaunt them in front of the press?

Team Awful would've dressed Nadya in an invisibility cloak so we could forget she existed for one night. But maybe some other famous faces will take our perf costume suggestions picked specifically for them?

Grab a handful of naughty treats, everybody, and take a peek!

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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images; Todd Williamson/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
You say Jennifer Garner isn't so nice. But why do you say that? There must be a reason? I would love to hear that because I'm having a hard time accepting that. P.S.: I love Kristen Stewart!
—Mattias from Belgium

Dear Too Many to Type:
Rude to friends, fans and husbands plus she's totally manipulative.

Dear Ted:
I know that as a gossip site you find ways to sensationalize stories, and admittedly, I buy into them just as much as the next girl. But please remember Miley Cyrus is 16, and while I appreciate your opinions on David Letterman and the inherent misogyny in Hollywood, maybe you should think about applying these feminist ideals to Miley, who is, after all, only a performer and what we see of her is only the entertainer side. I hope I'm not too preachy; I'm just a big fan who doesn't consider her age-inappropriate or slutty at all (a term which when used sets a much worse example for kids than anything Miley might do).
—A.sisley 

Dear Side Cyrus:
Have you seen Mean Girls? Regina George's little sister who is in front of the TV and copying the "Milkshake" dance? Imagine a 7-year-old finding a pole-like object and gyrating on it, like Miley did at the Teen Choice Awards. Not exactly a fab role model, but I get your point.

Dear Ted:
Started reading A.T. this summer and now I find myself checking in every day. Keep up the good work Ted! Have you ever had a Blind Vice on Robert Pattinson?
—Love from Norway

Dear Up Front:
Kind of. 

Dear Ted:
Have you heard about the H.A.P.Y. act? A bill has been introduced for tax relief for pet owners. Please check it out and contact your congressman. Thanks!
—Kathy 

Dear Politically Correct:
Will check it out. Heaven knows my vet bills could use it.

Dear Ted:
Who is the bigger (no pun intended) douche: Seth Green or Kevin Connolly?
—Hayden

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George Pimentel/Getty Images

When I saw the firestorm that our last Nikki Reed story created, I realized it was time to say a few things. First off, what Nikki blabbed to Seventeen makes total sense for a gal who had a one-time thing with a guy she worked with, namely this dude named Robert Pattinson, of whom you may have heard.

Nikki stated three very important things, so pay attention. She said:

1. She and R.Pattz are "not that close."
2. She belongs to "Team Jacob."
3. She and Rob "were never together."

What does it all mean?

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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images; Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

The L.A. premiere of New Moon is a little more than a month away, which means Twilight is going to be more overexposed than usual. That's good and bad news for you A.T. readers out there, depending on your stance on Robsten.

Seventeen magazine posted some great Twilight cast bites, our favorite belonging to Nikki Reed, natch (although Robert Pattinson had some great quotes), where Nik attempted and set the record straight about all those Rob rumors:

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George Pimentel/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Why isn't anyone reporting on the obvious Kristen Stewart-Nikki Reed relationship? I don't think Rob Pattinson is really dating her.
—Jo Sigler 

Dear Lesby-Light:
Wow, who would make a hotter couple Robsten or Kiki? But let's get real: Robsten is; Kiki isn't.

Dear Ted:
Can't imagine people ragging on Jessica Simpson losing her Daisy and speaking out about it. What if it was them? Thank you for all you do—it's more than you know!
—Corlett

Dear Animal Lover:
Anything for you—and my furry friends!

Dear Ted:
I completely agree with you how people are treating Jessica Simpson, as well as people who smoke. Smoking might not be the best choice, but it's a person's decision, and there are plenty of other things out there that are much worse.
—Megz

Dear Blowing Smoke up My Ass:
Thanks, isn't it rich how people automatically decide for other folks how their supposed to behave through tough times? So Jessica twittered about a coyote taking her dog, so what? Show the woman some compassion, already. People like Kathryn Joosten, Patrick Swayze, me and others make mistakes and smoke. We're human.

Dear Ted:
That girl isn't the only one who loves both Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. I'm a Robsten fan, but would totally love to see Rob and Megan getting it on in a movie. That right there will be hot!
—butter

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Todd Williamson/Getty Images, Dave M. Benett/Getty Images

With all the horny hotties running amok on True Blood, Twilight and the Vampire Diaries, there are too many (mostly) cute couples coming and going in the vamp universe nowadays—who can possibly keep them all straight, as it were?

Check out Awful's photographic roundup of all the superfine couples connected to today's popular vampire shows and flicks, and our personal take on whether they've got the goods to make their love immortal, vamp-style. (Too bad Buffy's not still on the air, or we'd include a happily pregnant Sarah Michelle Gellar and her longtime hubby, Freddie Prinze Jr., in our gallery, too.)

One thing irks us, though: Where the ef are our homo fangers? Is Terry Tush-Trade the only switch-hitter on a vamp show? We know for a fact there are more of you out there—come out of the friggin' coffin already!

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Sink your teeth into the Vamp Lovers gallery, people.