Movie Reviews
Hot-buttered opinion on the latest flicks
Review: Precious Is Everything Oprah Says It Is
Lionsgate
Review in a Hurry: How about this for a night at the movies: Emotional and physical abuse, incest, and a role that will forever taint the usually jolly image of comedienne Mo'Nique. Precious is an exhausting but worthwhile ride, a movie that shines a light on the dark side of humanity and the opportunity to rise above it.
Review: The Men Who Stare at Goats Silly and Outdated, Despite Clooney Cool
BBC Films
Review in a Hurry: Ditched by his wife, reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) makes a semi-suicidal beeline for Iraq. There he encounters apparent psychic soldier Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), who spins a dubious yarn about a special psy-ops program and leads his new compadre into a hippies-versus-soldiers conflict that feels about 40 years too late.
Review: Doc-Style Alien Fright Flick The Fourth Kind Just Feels...Fake
Simon Vesrano / Universal Pictures
Review in a Hurry: Actress Milla Jovovich, in the role of Actress Milla Jovovich, hosts an odd mashup of supposedly "found" footage and reenacted scenes featuring herself and other name actors as they tell us a dubious and occasionally scary "true" story involving UFO abductions in Nome, Alaska, (as portrayed herein by a town in Bulgaria).
Review: A Christmas Carol Dark 'n' Faithful—Despite All the Jim Carrey 3-D
Disney
Review in a Hurry: No "humbugs" here. Disney animates Charles Dickens' timeless tale of a Christmas-hating miser without, well, Disney-fying it. Devoted Dickens fans will even appreciate the darkness and social commentary—if not all the Jim Carrey.
Review: The Box is Hilarious—But Doesn't Mean to Be (Hi, Cameron Diaz!)
Dale Robinette/ Warner Bros.
Review in a Hurry: This preposterous Cameron Diaz thriller offers a promising premise: A mysterious box bestows riches in exchange for killing a stranger. But then it dumps in existentialism, government conspiracies, aliens, nosebleeds, deformities—and dresses it all in ugly '70s polyester fashions and geo-print wallpaper. Blecch.
Review: Napoleon Dynamite + Battlefield Earth = Gentlemen Broncos!
Fox Searchlight Pictures
Review in a Hurry: An odd attempt at satirizing the world of pulp sci-fi writers. This confused tale of a boy with a promising manuscript, the girl who tries to make a low-budget movie out of it, and the successful author who rips them off contains moments of mirth, but poor plotting and juvenile gross-out humor keep it from ever taking off.
Review: Michael Jackson's This Is It a Fitting Goodbye (Bonus: It's Also a Great Movie)
Sony Pictures
Review in a Hurry: The legions of fans who have bought their tickets to experience Michael Jackson's last performance need only know that thankfully, This Is It is just that.
Review: Paranormal Activity Real Simple, Real Scary
Paramount Pictures
Originally published Sept. 25, 2009
Review in a Hurry: One of the decade's scariest films arrives without the hype that surrounded the soon-to-be compared with The Blair Witch Project. Thankfully, this spooky tale won't make you dizzy via shaky cam. Placing a camera on a tripod suddenly seems revolutionary.
Review: Saw VI the Year's Best Supergory Movie About Health Insurance
Steve Wilkie/Lionsgate
Review in a Hurry: Capitalism beware! Michael Moore was a pussycat compared to Saw's John "Jigsaw" Kramer (Tobin Bell), whose we-mean-it-this-time last posthumous wish was apparently that vengeance be wrought upon predatory lenders and health insurance executives. No, really. Enjoy.
Review: Amelia a Thin Lifetime-y Biopic That Won't Let Swank Soar
Ken Woroner/Fox Searchlight
Review in a Hurry: Hilary Swank dons more than just a pilot's cap to become Amelia Earhart, legendary '30s aviator and folk hero. But in this careful and bland biopic, the two-time Oscar winner gets—like her latest doomed subject—lost the clouds.
Review: Astro Boy Missing Iconic Kid-Robot Charm
Summit Entertainment
Review in a Hurry: One of the original icons of Japanese anime—the robot boy with the atomic heart—gets a Hollywood upgrade in this sporadically entertaining but somewhat muddled all-star CG animated feature.
Review: The Vampire's Assistant Only Kinda Sucks
David Lee / Universal
Review in a Hurry: Can't get your fill of bloodsuckers? Then drink up, hard-core fang fans, because Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant doesn't totally suck, though it's not very satisfying either. Still, this intermittently funny Freak show about a goody-goody kid who becomes part vampire provides a few treats for tween Halloweeners.
