Gene Page / DimensionReview in a Hurry: A cast of familiar faces dives headfirst into waters infested with prehistoric predators and screaming coeds. And it's Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames to the rescue in this low-tech drive-in throwback, complete with corny jokes, unnecessary gore, stunt casting and plenty of skin.
The Bigger Picture: Set a resort town, Jake Forester (Vampire Diaries stud and Hollywood scion Steven McQueen) is ready for a boring day babysitting while his mom, the Sheriff, (Shue) is scheduled to keep a watchful eye over drunken spring breakers.
But a debauched Girls Gone Wild-type filmmaker (a manic Jerry O'Connell) who wants Jake to be a location scout, looking for the best beaches to shoot scantily clad hotties.
Decisions, decisions—babysitting or trolling for girls with daddy issues? But then Jake's crush Kelly (Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr) is boarding the Gone Wild ship so that settles that.
Meanwhile, geologist Novak (played by TV vet Adam Scott) discovers something worse than bad tequila shots: flesh-eating pre-historic piranhas! Awakened and very hungry!
Casting nearly every role with familiar faces of TV/film is the quickest way to forego time-wasting character development. If Ving Rhames is onscreen, he's gonna throw down with power tools a la Pulp Fiction. It's easy, and it kinda works. No one sees a film called Piranha 3D for dialogue.
But if they did, Christopher Lloyd is some sort of pre-historic fish expert who delivers lines like "This particular piranha vanished two million years ago!" with infectious glee. Doc Brown's still got it!
Alexandre Aja became a director-to-watch with the gripping French film High Tension, but his American films have been disappointments until now. He's got a brutal style, never shying away from heavy doses of sex and violence—sometime in the same scene. Taken seriously, his taste is pretty questionable, but with Piranha 3D he's found a tale that indulges his special brand of assaulting cinema.
Plus, a story about killer fish that feast on annoying beach-bound buffoons isn't going to offend anyone. Especially when one of those buffoons is Eli Roth—our favorite slasher-flick cameo player. Many familiar faces are gone in a blink...or a chomp.
The piranhas themselves are very CG-looking, but in a fun way. Their big red eyes and spiky teeth have an overly detailed feel that fits the campiness.
The gore factor tops even the Final Destination films, which strived to make each death more spectacular than the last. That's where Piranha 3D triumphs, the "Wow, can you believe they showed that?" world of splatter.
Some loose appendages are nearly pornographic.
Speaking of which, unless Funny or Die's "For Your Consideration" spoof campaign pays off, Playboy cover girl Kelly Brook won't be getting an Oscar. But as busty wild girl Danni, she should get some kind of award for a skinny-dipping scene with fellow pinup model Riley Steele.
The 180—a Second Opinion: It's called Piranha 3D, but this feels like another 2-D movie that was converted after the fact. (The opening credits are a dead giveaway titled just "Piranha.") Would true 3-D have added to the silliness? No doubt, but it's not so the premium ticket price is a bummer.