Housewives' Danielle: "I've Had Six Relationships With Women" ("Ape" Teresa Ain't One of 'Em)

Garden State's most notorious Housewife says lesbian star Lori Michaels isn't her first

Holy lasagna!

Danielle Staub is on a tear. In the latest round of the ongoing Real Housewives of New Jersey catfight, the self-proclaimed practitioner of love and light rips her former costars enemies a new cannoli.

But before we get to that, Staub reveals that self-proclaimed Lesbian Superstar Lori Michaels isn't her first girl-on-girl romance...

"I've had six relationships with women and I will tell you women kiss better than men," Staub says in the new issue of Steppin' Out magazine. "That's very, very true. I remember each and every one of them."

Still, she won't call herself bisexual. "I don't really like labels," Staub said. "I'm trying to keep that part of my life as private as possible. Let's just say I'm interested in sexuality."

As for Teresa Giudice & Co., Staub offers up some real doozies. "She needs a hairline revision," Staub says of Giudice's looks. "Planet of the Apes has nothing on her! She reminds me of Cornelius from Planet of the Apes. Could you imagine if her face is that hairy what her body hair must be like?"

Staub also claims to have heard rumors that Teresa's husband, Joe, has a fondness for strippers and his DUI arrest was way more serious than what he and the famiglia claim.

Staub takes jabs at Caroline's rumored connection to the mob and accuses Dina Manzo of forging her husband's signature on release forms to allow their daughter to be on the show.

And get this—Staub says she was the one who introduced supposed new castmember Melissa Gorga to Housewives producers. The two women apparently bonded over their dislike of Teresa, who happens to be Gorga's estranged sister-in-law. "The reason Melissa initially contacted me was to tell me she felt so horrible watching somebody else be treated as badly as she was treated by Teresa for over a decade," Staub said. "She said that when Teresa is jealous and threatened by another woman that's how she behaves."

Guess that hug-it-out moment during the reunion show on Monday really was, as Caroline so poetically called it, "The biggest crock of s--t I've ever seen in my life."