The Awful Truth

Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

Dear Ted:
Who does Miley Cyrus think she is these days? First, claiming she's never heard a Jay-Z song and that she doesn't listen to pop music? And now, I've read reports that she is dissing the Twilight series. Based on the quotes it seems like she is going out of her way to alienate her own fan base. What's her deal, and will her fans continue to be loyal if she keeps it up?
—C

Dear Mouthy Miley:
Please, this letter is exactly what she wants! Since not everyone is focusing on all Miley all the time, she needs to stir up some trouble. Leave those kinda comments to Megan Fox; Miles, she does it way better.

Dear Ted:
I was just looking through People's Sexiest Man issue. How many of the drool-worthy guys pictured in that issue are something other than hetero? Adam Lambert is one, so two or three? Four? More than five? Or would it be easier and less litigious for me to ask you which ones are straight as an arrow?
—Sebastiadams

Dear Yummy Edition:
People's (Out) Gayest Men Alive just wouldn't really sell, now would it?

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Peter Facinelli and Kellan Lutz? Are they just friends or do they have some hidden secrets? Any goss to share on them?
—Kym

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Fame Pictures

We always bitch 'bout how many celeb romances are for show or faux. Well, according to one gal who has recently worked with a Hollywood power duo, this par-tick famous pair is in it for the long haul.

Think you know which age-challenged couple actually might beat the odds despite the rumors?

Betchya you'll be surprised at the answer...

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INFdaily.com

Unless you haven't been paying close attention, we love us some Robsten. And it's not just because Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are a mouthwatering combination (they are!), but because their adoration for one another is totally rebellious.

Their overprotective studio, Summit, doesn't want them together and is doing anything in its power to create distance between the two. But Twilight's Romeo and Juliet choose to revolt and keep up their relaysh, however clandestine it is right now.

Robsten's hardly the first couple in H'wood not to conform to the public's expectations—take a gander at our Rebel Lovers gallery, where we applaud some daring guys and dolls who did anything for love...even things we never asked them to do.

________

See who rocks the system for romance in our Rebel Lovers gallery.

Steve Granitz/ Getty Images

What the hell's going on with TomKat lately? The patina on their hot 'n' sexy power-couple existence seems to be dulling, dare I say? It's almost as if Katie Holmes has thrown it in a bit, La Lohan-style, on her film career, and is just trying to salvage any sort of gig she can still book.

Think Nicole Kidman woulda gone anywhere near a reality-TV dance show while she was Mrs. Cruise? Please! She wouldn't have been caught dead from Botox overdose in a non-high-profile project back then—even if it was for charity. In fact, we're shocked Tom didn't pooh-pooh that one right off the bat. Seriously, every smart decision Tom and Katie make nowadays is canceled out by something dubious. At this point, Suri's the only Cruise who hasn't made a puzzling move yet! What gives?

Both parts TomKat keep seesawing between primo and not-so-fab career choices. Katie picked a winner with Batman Begins but followed it up with...Mad Money? And guesting on an episode of Eli Stone (again with the singing and the dancing) is one thing, but inexplicably showing up on a reality-show competition is just embarrassing—especially since it was right on the heels of having proved how excellent an actress she can really be with Broadway's All My Sons.

And for every Collateral or Tropic Thunder that Tommy makes, there's a rather unfortunate Lions for Lambs or Valkyrie. As a result, we can't quite worship TomKat-style like we might prefer to. Tommy 'n' Katie, can you all help us out here, please? Maybe remake Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf? It put tabloid babes Liz and Dick back on the A-list, Oscar-winning map, remember.

Glamour Magazine

Katie Holmes just dished to Glamour magazine 'bout all things TomKat. And while she looked superb, she weirded us out and sounded more like a fan than a wife.

The mag asks Kate about wanting to marry Tom when she was a little girl, and Holmes gushes: "When Top Gun came out, my sisters were like, 'Oh my God, Top Gun! Tom Cruise!' And I very confidently said, 'I'm going to marry him one day.' It wasn't like, How do I get to Tom Cruise? It was just: I think I'm going to marry him. Why not? He'll like me. I'm fun."

Just FYI, Katie-babe, when Top Gun came out, you were, uh, 7 years old. Tom was 23.

However, Holmes added the 16-year age difference was "never a concern." When they met back in 2005, they "both knew." How Cathy Zeta-Jones of her. Our fave quote? Glamour asked what Tom is really like, and the first thing Katie replied was, "He loves women." Good to know, hon!

What do you all think? Is this romance truly as predestined as it's played?

Will Alexander/WENN.com

"It's not like I saw any freaky s--t!"

—Waiter hired for a recent Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes fete thrown at their Bev Hills pad. Said uniformed type was forced to sign a 20-page confidentiality agreement and submit to a background check before he could serve appetizers to TomKat's celeb guests. The overly stymied (but not really!) caterer also told us the posh pair couldn't have been nicer to work for. No Suri clones or S&M rooms in the mansion to speak of—makes ya wonder why they went to such great lengths to keep the inside happenings of the house so hush-hush

Will Alexander/WENN.com

Dear Ted:
You're the guy who knows all. Help me out. Is Katie Holmes truly in love with Tom, brainwashed or using him? I just can't figure out how a good Catholic girl did a 180 in such a short time.
—Kate 

Dear Switcheroo:
But look at her fab makeover? Isn't it worth it? However, Katie's about as brainwashed as Suri, at this point. Translation: Those girls are ruling the roost, not running from it.

Dear Ted:
Do you ever purchase photos of celebrities caught in compromising situations? If so, I have photos of a celebrity who was on The Hills and Laguna Beach holding a bag of marijuana up to the camera. He was just interviewed and asked about Michael Phelps and was asked if there are any bong pics of him "out there," and he said, "No, not me, I am on probation."
—Gary 

Dear Pants on Fire:
You mean celebrities don't always tell the truth? Shocker! It's safe to say when drug related Q's come up the majority of the folks out here have dabbled—and then some. It's Hollywood!

Dear Ted:
Is Schlong Sleaze-Wad Kevin Costner? He had a reputation that he would ef anything among certain Hollywood directors.
—CherylS

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Jim Spellman/Getty Images

In a stunningly short amount of time, TomKat's apparently more red-hot half, Katie Holmes, has already helped the Broadway show, All My Sons, turn a profit. The show's producers officially announced today that the revival of Arthur Miller's play has entirely made back its $3.25 million investment.

In Hollywood terms, Holmes just became Broadway box-office gold. And her buzz-worthy touch was sorely needed.

"When everything is closing around her," remarked a star in one of the many Broadway shows expected to shut its doors next month, "this is a spectacular feat—of course, it's not just her, it's [costars] John Lithgow and Dianne Wiest, but no one will say that."

True?

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Wendy Greeley

What’s wrong with Katie Holmes here? Snapped by our Desk Toledo, who swung by the B’way backstage door of All My Sons to check out Mrs. Cruise close up, Kate is far from the glam Jackie O. persona she pimps out with baby Suri while strutting down New Yawk streets all day long. The A.T. crew debated for a while on Holmes’ postshow autograph schlep—K.H. is lookin’ gaunt, and there’s gotta be a reason why. Is she absolutely exhausted? Either from a difficult performance schedule that this film and TV babe’s not used to or, more likely, from being the wife of a legend? Does she look happy or humbled by her autograph seekers? Or is she just caught off guard starin’ at her hubby’s ex, Nicole Kidman, beaming from the back of the Playbill? Such wonderful irony; kudos to the program designer, really.

How ‘bout you? Think Katie’s every inch the style icon she’s been programmed to be, or does this girl need a vacay to get some beauty sleep?

—Additional sass by Becky Bain

Ramey Photo

Oh, darling, since Friday is so far away, I'm just gonna write this one up, straight, as it were, no Blind Vice bells 'n' whistles.

But got to ask, which famous Hollywood publicist is, as we cyber-goss, writing a tell-all glossy job all about her dealings with Hollywood's less than spectacularly mannered folk?

Here's a hint: She's been directly—sometimes, painfully—linked to two of the town's most current and infamous femmes, Katie Holmes and Angelina Jolie. Said flack does not represent these women right now. But she's had major dealings with them—and many more trouble-ridden types like them—in the past. And, girl, does she ever have stories. S--t you won't believe. Cannot wait to read this baby.

Just hope our budding author doesn't cave, 'cause you know those Scientologists (among many other heavy-handed, lawyer-addicted types in T-town) will be breathing down this broad's brassiere the sec they get wind of the tattling tome, which, as I understand, is being put together in novel form.

Oh, you mean like Paris Hilton did it with Tinkerbell? I smell not only a best seller, but best bitch fight, too!

What do you think? Do you have high hopes, or could this be just another literary tease?