The Awful Truth

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Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, seeming untouchable to our miserable economy. While the rest of us are dealing with a recession, the sometimes-odd couple bought a piece of the Miami Dolphins, so they've been quite the ubiquitous fixture in Florida as of late.

So it only makes sense, right, that...

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Dear Ted:
I just watched Jennifer Lopez's appearance on Rachael Ray, and she made several unflattering comments about her hubby. Not that I am surprised that all is not family bliss in the Lopez-Anthony household, but I was kinda surprised she made these comments on national TV. And she was plugging a vaccine for whooping cough. The whole thing was just really odd. What is your take on their marriage?
—Perplexed in the mountains

Dear J.Love:
Jennifer would never admit anything was wrong with her life, ever. I don't know if I see divorce in their future; I just see a mostly uncomfortable coupling, especially for Anthony. Jennifer would never let herself have another publicly failed marriage. Never. Not sure if it's the Catholic or the C-word in her.

Dear Ted:
Got a great story idea for you. Actually, I have two ideas. You had compared the Harry Potter and Twilight movies and actors with one another, but instead you should have compared the production studios with one another. One is a class act and will be around a long time. The other, let's just say, will be featured as an E! True Hollywood Story: The Rise and Fall of Summit Entertainment. Can't wait to watch it.
—lcjmommy

Dear No Wait:
You're watching it happening live right now!

Dear Ted:
You were right all along about the how shady Summit really is and the low levels it will stoop to! First with Robsten and now with Rachelle Lefevre. Do the suits there have any idea how horrible they look? They seriously messed up with Rachelle, and now they're tring to pin it back on her. I think they are absolute scum! Do you think they will ever let Robsten be or let us have Rachelle back?
—Shaun

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David M. Russell

It's the showdown of the be-yotches, babes! Jennifer Lopez sashayed onto Rachael Ray‘s show last week, and these two divas could not be forcing their fake smiles any tighter.

We swear, both high-maintenance hons act like they can't stand to be touching distance from somebody without their personal space being rudely invaded.

So desert island sitch: Which one would we do if we had to choose? The idea of R2 yelping "Yum-o!" in bed makes us squirm, just like all her underlings do when she bosses them around. And that evil eyebrow of Rach's is just unsettling.

But don't claim the hot mamacita of dos the Do-Me winner just yet. Sure, J.Lo's made fashion her bitch (right after hubby Marc), but she'd prolly make us hold a mirror the whole time, then instruct us to make the bed right after while she ran to her Pilates class. Can we claim celibacy on this one?

Anthony/PacificCoastNews.com

Jennifer Lopez stepped out Saturday in Bev Hills sporting a new cut but the same bitchy look. We're actually a fan of the side-swept bangs and lighter color, but it's supposed to be fun sassy, not kick-your-ass sassy.

Why can't she ever smile and not pout? Even though it was freakishly hot here in Hell-Ay over the weekend, we still don't think it's time to bust out the white pants just yet.

Plus, a tucked-in shirt works on Posh, but it's a hard look to pull off for a gal who's so curvylicious. Enhance what you got, hon. We know you got a good behind, but where the boobs at?

Flynet

Looks like many of you readers have had Lopez Encounters of a Nasty Kind, 'cause we've received hilarious stories from you all saying J.Lo's Inauguration behavior goes way back.

Additionally, a hugely reliable A.T. informant endured a Lo-Blow herself not long ago— check it out: Jenny escaped from the Bronx or Lawng Island, or wherever the hell she hibernates behind gates, and was browsing a boutique here in L.A. The salesclerk was alone in the store at the time when Jen waltzed in, so the gal gave her the usual "can I help you find anything" routine.

Hang in there, babes, for the diva-delish deets:

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Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Your post about Jennifer Lopez is spot-on. She has been looking bitchier than ever in recent pictures. It confirms my own gossip of how she treated my friend's 7-year-old kid on the set of The Cell. She was actually jealous of the attention he was getting and pretty much snubbed him when he asked her for her autograph. At this point I wish she would just disappear. Eva Longoria Parker seems like a much better role model for Latinas out there. Keep up the funny stuff.
—Pasadena Latina

Dear Lopez Lowdown:
I wish I could say this info shocked me, but it doesn't. At this point, I'd say your friend's kid has a more promising career than she does, tho.

Dear Ted:
Is Grey Goose George Clooney? Love you, love your column!
—Mross 

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Logan Mock-Bunting/Getty Images

Once a Bronx bitch, always a Bronx bitch. Only difference for Jennifer Lopez is that she's higher up on the status ladder (don't know why, it's not like she's worked in eons) than ever before, and she wants people to know it, too.

You longtime readers may remember way back during the filming of Enough when we told you how she snit-slapped her makeup artist's hand for putting on too much lip gloss. "Enough!" Jenny from the block from hell reportedly (and ironically) cried, according to an eyewitness, when she felt too much gloss had been applied to her precious diva lips. Well, she's at it again:

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