The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
You say Jennifer Garner isn't so nice. But why do you say that? There must be a reason? I would love to hear that because I'm having a hard time accepting that. P.S.: I love Kristen Stewart!
—Mattias from Belgium

Dear Too Many to Type:
Rude to friends, fans and husbands plus she's totally manipulative.

Dear Ted:
I know that as a gossip site you find ways to sensationalize stories, and admittedly, I buy into them just as much as the next girl. But please remember Miley Cyrus is 16, and while I appreciate your opinions on David Letterman and the inherent misogyny in Hollywood, maybe you should think about applying these feminist ideals to Miley, who is, after all, only a performer and what we see of her is only the entertainer side. I hope I'm not too preachy; I'm just a big fan who doesn't consider her age-inappropriate or slutty at all (a term which when used sets a much worse example for kids than anything Miley might do).
—A.sisley 

Dear Side Cyrus:
Have you seen Mean Girls? Regina George's little sister who is in front of the TV and copying the "Milkshake" dance? Imagine a 7-year-old finding a pole-like object and gyrating on it, like Miley did at the Teen Choice Awards. Not exactly a fab role model, but I get your point.

Dear Ted:
Started reading A.T. this summer and now I find myself checking in every day. Keep up the good work Ted! Have you ever had a Blind Vice on Robert Pattinson?
—Love from Norway

Dear Up Front:
Kind of. 

Dear Ted:
Have you heard about the H.A.P.Y. act? A bill has been introduced for tax relief for pet owners. Please check it out and contact your congressman. Thanks!
—Kathy 

Dear Politically Correct:
Will check it out. Heaven knows my vet bills could use it.

Dear Ted:
Who is the bigger (no pun intended) douche: Seth Green or Kevin Connolly?
—Hayden

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Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Am I the only one that thinks the Taylor Swift-Kanye West fiasco is ridiculous? It's not like she was accepting the Grammy for Best New Artist! It's a VMA—the cable equivalent of a People's Choice Award! Is anyone shocked that Kanye is a tool? No. But what really pisses me off is the uninvolved, irrelevant "celebrities" who are taking to their blogs, twitters, talk shows etc. to condemn Kanye just at the moment they have projects to promote (ahem, Pink). Besides, I think Kanye is just still upset that he's a big, gay fish.
—Miranda

Dear Team Kanye:
You really think Pink called Kanye a piece of merde so you'd go see her on tour or something? She's actually talented (as if her high-flying VMA performance didn't showcase than enough)—she doesn't need manipulative tweets just to get you to notice her. And the VMAs might not mean anything to you or some other celebs, but winning her first Moon Man was an important moment to teenager Taylor who prolly grew up watching VMAs.

Dear Ted:
I wasn't exactly surprised to hear that Megan Fox is actually dumb and talentless, but I was a little shocked to read the letter from the members of the Transformers crew. She seems like an awful person! Do you think this will hurt her career?
—Skyler

Dear Believe What You Read:
Fab question, which we'll be addressing in length a little later today. Does it shock me that Megan is supposedly difficult to work with? Absolutely not. She's an actress—many have a sense of entitlement and are extremely divalicioius behind the scenes. But I also couldn't help feeling that whoever wrote the letter had a score to settle, like it was written by either guys who couldn't get a second glance from Meg or girls who want to be her. Ya feel me?

Dear Ted:
Do Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed like Ashley Greene? You never see them together. And why is it that the vampire part of the cast never hangs out with the "human" side?
—theburns

Dear Twilight Clique:
We've told ya for some time that not all the girls in the cast are BFFs with each other. They all get along just fine—but I would say Ash is closer with Kellan Lutz than with Nikki or Kristen. As for the last part of your question, what do you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen are doing?

Dear Ted:
How's Nevis Divine and Miss Costar's current relationship status?
—J-Rod

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Fame Pictures

Ben Affleck's starring in the new Mike Judge movie Extract, but you'd never know it. Dude was MIA at the film's premiere at ArcLight Cinemas in Hollywood last night—we hear he didn't make it to the junket, either. What gives? Picking up some social tips from your wife, Jen Garner, are we?

'K, so we're totally tough on Garner, but that's based on the totally negative personal interactions we've had with her all over H'wood and the stuck-up way we see her treating her hubby. Last time we mentioned this pair, we asked any Jen defenders to come forward and share any good experiences they'd had meeting the chick. And hey, about three of you stepped forward! Three people out of everybody else in the entire world's not so bad, right?

We're still not convinced that J.G.'s America's sweetheart, so we asked somebody who would be totally in the know of Jen and Ben behind the scenes...and you'll never believe how he described working with the famous pair:

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Revolutionpix/Fame Pictures

A totally delicious-looking Ben Affleck (for a nice change) was spotted aboard a Virgin America flight on a Friday night from Boston to LAX, first class, natch. One of Ben's fellow fliers tells us the daddy of two was incredibly "drop-dead gorgeous," even while sporting stubble and wearing casual planewear. "Even the flight attendants were swooning!" she swears. Sorry we didn't see it with our own eyes!

Even more attractive than a chiseled bod on Benny boy? A friendly attitude. B.A. graciously got out of his comfy first-class seat to take a pic with two kids sitting behind him, so un-Shia LaBeouf of him. "Jen is a lucky girl," our mole in the sky tells us. Totally! We have no idea how she nabbed him other than with good luck. (Where was she, anyway, while Ben was flying the overly friendly skies? Back in L.A. attending sex classes?)

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J. Vespa/Getty Images

Jennifer Garner's cutesy mug is gracing the cover of C magazine this September, and she gives just some thrilling quotes. And by quotes, we mean white lies.

Says Jen: "I've never been one to paint myself up Hollywood style—I'm just not good at that. I don't have a healthy dose of that kind of vanity although I wish I did because then you know how to be cute when you need to be cute."

OMG! Ms. Garner is sheer perfection in regards to knowing when to turn on the cuteness. Like in front of every friggin' rolling camera, for starters. We wish we could show you the real J.G. behind the scenes, but some of you are already catching wind of what that's like.

Whatev, the total gem of this Q and A with the mag was who Jen revealed was her Hollywood bestie...

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FAME PICTURES

Dear Ted:
No question, just a comment on your Bitch-Back! You have your reasons for not liking Jen Garner. I do, too. A close friend of mine was friends with Ben Affleck long before Bennifer and Jen Garner. His mother and hers worked together. Anyway, when Jen Garner came into the picture, my friend went up to her to introduce herself. Jen was nothing but rude to her...pretty much like, "Who are you, and why are you talking to me?"
–Uncgenie

Dear Spot-On, Guv'na!
It's always nice to know your opinion is validated. Deep down, Jen is nothing like her onscreen persona, despite her cute-overload appearance and that sweet, toothy grin (no, readers, not a Toothy Tile hint, get back in your damn cages).

Dear Ted:
Stop pussyfooting around. Do Shafterella Shoshstein and Toothy Tile know each other well?
– Patricia

Dear No Pussyfooting Here:
Well, since they've worked on a movie together, I would hope they know each other well. Unless they're more like Seymour Slim-Bum and Darlene Deviant and totally hate each other, but no, that can't be right. In fact, I'm sure of it.

Dear Ted:
While hunting for info about our Twilight gang at Comic-Con, I found a neat little video of Nikki, Kellan and Rachelle at E.W. What I found interesting was when Kellan let it slip that Nikki was in Greece for the last three months, she gave him the evil look and made the shhh. Why would this be a big secret? Everyone already knows she was there. I'm lost on this one. What's your take?
– Jen

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Jennifer Garner looked so over her own premiere for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past this week in L.A. E!'s Jason Kennedy paid the gal a compliment, saying he'd heard she was the nicest person in Hollywood.

Uh, come again?

J.G. used to seem like the nicest gal ever (Reese Witherspoon had nothing on Jen circa the Alias days), but little by little, the Garner nails have sharpened, even in our own reader accounts.

Garner's response to Jase?

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BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM

Slowly but surely the troubles between Jen Garner and Ben Affleck are leaking out all over the place. Yeah, and?

Don't forget, folks, we so had it here first. (And here. And here!)

What took everybody so long? Apparently, Jen put her divorce lawyer's number back in the drawer and is trying another tactic to fix her Brentwood, picket-fence problems: via purchasing fancier digs and allegedly seeing a sex therapist to keep the romance, and, one assumes, the marriage, alive.

Why doesn't she just wear a Matt Damon mask? That'll turn Ben on pronto!

If J.G.'s as cold to Ben in the boudoir as she was to us at the Pink Party in September (and pretty much everyone else) on the red carpet, they've got more hang-ups than one therapist can handle.

Also, I think it's no coincidence a quasi-sex-driven story for a completely dudly couple surfaces when they both have equally dudly movies to promote.

Pedro Andrade,PacificCoastNews.com

As my fave snoops, Page Six, just hauled out of the Esquire piece on Ben Affleck I simply did not have time to read, Jennifer Garner's least-photographed family member stated simply and emphatically:

"The best cure for a hangover is something one straight man can't do for another straight man."

Oh really? Isn't it interesting that Matt Damon's former BFF and J.Lo's ex-whipping dude mentioned a blow job without referring to (a) his wife or (b) another woman?

It's yet another disconnect in this cryptic little tale of Mr. and Mrs. Jen Garner. Yes, yes, yes, sweaty sex is always a great cure (for a lotta things), but why is Affleck even talking about guys when discussing fellatio? It's just weird. Like this marriage. And like Jen's little-known tendency to respond, off camera, after you've asked her how she is like you just asked her for...well, a blow job.

Courtesy: Diana Zalucky / Disney

Mother's Day is only a few months away, but one par-tick celeb mommy needs to brush up on her parenting skills if she wants (or deserves) any prezzies. Seriously, someone needs to read Lynne Spears' book on how to properly raise kids! (Lynne Spears, included.)

Guess, and then click in for the answer.

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Fame Pictures

Jen Garner's been working nonstop, it seems—we're not talking about acting. We mean the full-time job of convincing the public she and hub-unit of the mo' Ben Affleck are still happy as a pair of East Coast clams.

Please, we see right through your faux smiles; give us a break, the both of ya. Jen took her own rest from behaving like the perf li'l wifey to spend some quality time with baby Seraphina on the set of her new funny flick, The Invention of Lying (or This Side of the Truth, or whatever the hell it's so appropriately called). And there were a helluva lot of lies going around, par-tick when it came to Jenny's postbaby bod:

"Jennifer looks radiant," an on-set source told Celebuzz, mentioning that Jen's costumes are a size 8. Down to such a small size in less than two months from giving birth? Can Jen work the same miracles when it comes to her marriage?

Get ready to start seeing heaps of photo ops of Jen out with her new bod and new baby—but not with Ben. He's far too busy.

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
How long would you like to keep Isaiah Washington on the cross? He paid for his sin of using the F-word against T.R. by being fired off of one of the best shows on the air (until he left, that is). It's been two years! Give it a rest and let the man rebuild his life!
—Yvette

Dear Irked Over Isaiah:
He can try to rebuild his career—doesn't mean I have to like him. Getting fired doesn't stop you from being a bigot.

Dear Ted:
So, Garner surprises Affleck at L.A. House of Blues, peppers his face with kisses and jets 20 minutes later. Sounds like someone wanted to send a message to a Ben hoochie attending the event to me...Elizabeth Berkley maybe?
—Robin

Dear Ben's Babes:
Or to me? No one's safe from Jen Garner's death stare. And why single out poor Liz Berkley? Babe's been married herself since 2003.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or is it just a little sad to watch the Oscars with all its display of wealth and power by the "haves" while the rest of the U.S. falls into joblessness and home loss? The country is in bad shape (thanks, George), and this group can hardly wait to flaunt their wealth and egos. I find it a bit off-putting.
—Jamie

Dear So Have-Nots:
So true, babe, but maybe we should just embrace it and mindlessly bitch 'bout fashion flops. Jessica Biel, really?

Dear Ted:
The comments Robert Pattinson makes about having a crush on Kristen Stewart make her cringe in a big way! No doubt she finds him gorgey (as any red-blooded gal would), but people seem to forget she has been with her BF for years! I don't really see the whole Kristen-Rob thing as more than a publicity stunt to make the horny teenage vampire wannabes more geared up to see the Twilight sequels. Tell me Kristen is the loyal, shy girl she seems to be, thus breaking the mold of the young Hollywood sluts we read about everyday.
—Nina

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