Ask the Answer B!tch

Barnsley, Dome, PacificCoastNews.com; AP Photo/Dave Allocca, StarPix; Jae Donnelly/INFphoto.com

I heard this really stupid tidbit, that in an effort to save the environment, Jennifer Aniston takes a three-minute shower in which she also brushes her teeth. Is this even possible? What other stupid things to celebs do to be "green"?
—Janine, via Facebook

What other? Hmmm. Selena Gomez recently announced that her yet-to-debut clothing line will be as green as can be. That may not fall under the category of "crazy," but by law anything that Gomez does is certifiably adorable.

If you're looking for celebrities closer to just plain certifiable, sure, I have some examples, including a rock icon who sells renewable grocery bags—at his concerts...

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Kimberley French/ Universal Studios

Can anyone really stop the mighty Jennifer Aniston from releasing her new movie on time?
—Joku

The Aniston may wield all sorts of clout in this country—but it's a studio, not a star, that usually dictates when you get to see a film.

And that includes Love Happens, the Aniston-Aaron Eckhart flick that Universal is trying to release, despite an 11th-hour lawsuit from two writers who say the studio stole their script. The writers want a federal judge to halt the release or just, you know, maybe give them $100 million.

If that demand sounds like a joke, wait till you hear what my lawyer friends are saying about the rest of the suit...

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WENN

How come every picture of Jennifer Aniston looks the same, with formfitting tank tops and long, flowing hair? Is it in her contracts?
—E.R., Concord, N.H.

Oh, don't stop there. Let's not forget the corpuscle-strangling dresses Jennifer Aniston wore in The Break-Up or that painted-on tank top she sports in The Bounty, currently in production. Not everything Aniston wears in mags and movies is tight, of course. And Aniston wears big overalls in Marley & Me, but under them? Yes! There it is!

A tiny tank!

No, costume designers and wardrobe people tell me, tank tops don't generally appear in a star's contracts. But that isn't to say that stars can't be total clothing divas. Blind item, anyone?

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Steinberg/Mauceri/INFGoff.com

How do stars like Jennifer Aniston balance their "exercise/yoga addictions" and smoking cigarettes? These two habits seem incompatible.
—JHaars, via Twitter

Until celebrities find a way to pay peons to work out on their behalf, they are stuck doing it themselves. And, surprisingly, many smoker celebrities, including, yes, Jennifer Aniston, manage to work out quite a bit. Her secret isn't some miracle energy pill—though many stars do fall back on prescription drugs like Adderall to keep themselves cadaver-slim.

No, her secret is at once more mundane and more fascinating...

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Rachpoot/INFphoto.com

Jennifer Aniston was recently described as "fiercely private." But everyone knows her story by now. What does it take to be considered not private?
—Zoe

Whoever spewed that cliché about Jennifer Aniston being fiercely private is wrong. There are no private celebrities. Period. Not even Harrison Ford, with his grumptastic interview style, or Beyoncé, who won't publicize her love life except through pop singles that get international airplay, or Gwyneth Paltrow, who has no problem sharing special family moments via her GOOP blog. (All three have been dubbed fiercely private.)

So then why do reporters use that tired phrase when describing everyone from Johnny Depp—who's had no trouble telling the press about how he met Vanessa Paradis—to Sacha Baron Cohen? Actually, it's a kind of code, and I've got the translation...

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Barry Wetcher/ Fox

Why are there so many movies opening on Christmas Day? There's Marley & Me, Benjamin Button, Valkyrie with Tom Cruise and Adam Sandler's Bedtime Stories.
—Anna, West Virginia

Don't forget Doubt, starring Meryl Streep as a nun, and The Spirit, costarring Scarlett Johanssen, Eva Mendes and Jamie King as ... the exact opposite of all that.

"The end of the year is one of the biggest times for movie ticket sales," says Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray. "This week in December, since the year 2000, has consistently been the highest-grossing week of the year."

So in other words, people go to the movies on Christmas. Because, as Gray puts it so well, "You're opening presents on Christmas morning, and then what? So you go to the movies." But there's more...

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Barry Wetcher/ Fox

I just watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua and I wonder if these dog "actors" get paid? They sure make lots and lots of cash for Disney.
—Jefry, Indonesia

Let's put it this way: Those puppies in the upcoming Marley & Me don't make nearly so much as Jennifer Aniston, even if some of them are much cuter.

The average pay for an "animal actor" is a few hundred a day; a feature film could earn a pooch into the tens of thousands. As for who exactly gets the money, the animal's owner and the pet's talent agency each take a cut. But caring for Hollywood dogs costs a bundle, and oftentimes, I'm told, the venture turns out to be a wash. Or a doggy bath.

Where can you send the Jonas Brothers fan mail?
—Anon

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Us Weekly

Another week, another slew of magazine covers about that Brangelina-Jen thing. Why does the media keep harping on it? I'm bored.
—Alina, New York

No, you're not. How do I know? Because readers like you cannot stop buying magazines with BrangelAniston on the cover. Jennifer Aniston, that poor, dumped cheerleader, was the top-selling cover face of the first half of 2007, according to Forbes. And since then she has continued to make the media plenty of cash every time she opens her reedy little nonexistent lips.

"Jennifer Aniston's first tell-all, after her divorce, remains Vanity Fair's best-selling issue ever," says Matt Donnelly, a wayward B!tchling of mine who has since fled to the website Celebuzz.com. And according to former Life & Style editor Mark Pasetsky, now the head of CoverAwards.com, "This story is still a solid sell for celebrity weeklies."

As for what stygian force continues to pin us to this story, it should be obvious...

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Flynetonline.com

I wanna know if Jennifer Aniston smokes. I've read she does, but I haven't seen one single picture of her smoking. Thanks for your answer, B!tch!
— Vanesa, Argentina

E!'s own Matt Donnelly, better known as my B!tchling, says he saw her smoking within the past month—in Miami, to be specific. So there. Make your peace with this scorching fact and enjoy still more of my answers to your Burning Qs!

Hey! I heard Vanessa Hudgens is pregnant with Zac Efron's baby! Is that true?
— Bonello

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Fame Pictures

Jennifer Aniston is so finished! Why doesn't she stop smoking, have a baby (anybody's baby) and give it up already?!
—Mamie

Well reer. Bad news, too, you acidic little gorgon. Jennifer Aniston has a slew of projects in her future, as both a producer and an actress. That's what happens when your films make bank. (The Break-Up made more than double its budget in the U.S. alone.) Aniston already has three more films in the can and is attached to no less than six upcoming projects—all as a producer.

Oh, and just in case your waxy, stale peanut of a heart is still beating, Mamie: The L.A. Times is already buzzing about an Emmy for Aniston, for her yet-to-be-aired guest spot in the upcoming season of 30 Rock.

When skinny celebs say they don't diet or exercise, are we supposed to think they were born that way? Or does not eating count as a nondiet?
—Aligato

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INFphoto.com

Don't you think those pictures of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are fairly telling? She's hanging all over him, and he looks bored. Why why why does Jen do this to herself?
—Angela, Knoxville

Looking bored is required to keep your faux-alt-rock membership card in good standing, silly. And now behold, as I tackle some more of your Burning Questions.

Did Britney Spears' dad Jamie get arrested this week?
—M.S.

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Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

I read today that Jen Aniston is dating some crew member from her new movie. Why would any big actor do that? And what is a key grip anyway?
—Allison, Rhode Island

The first thing you need to know about Jennifer Aniston's reported new boyfriend, Brian Bouma, is that he doesn't necessarily jingle around the set toting a big ring of keys.

I would imagine that he may do that, if he so chooses—flush with new power like he is—but it's not the reason why he's called a key grip. He's called a key grip because he's the main guy—key, if you will—who supervises a bunch of hardworking people called grips.

Now, grips are the guys on the set doing all the heavy work: slinging dollies around, operating cranes, zipping around in camera cars and such.

It all sounds very gritty and hardass.

Here's what we think we know about their relationship, and Bouma, so far:

• OK! magazine says they met at work, on the set of a film called Traveling.
• The buzz on the two of them went into maximum overdrive Feb. 24, when Aniston was spotted leaving an Oscar party hosted by friend—er, Friend—Courteney Cox.
• The man on Aniston's arm that night, per OK!, was Bouma, a "Vancouver-based" "ladies man" who reportedly has dated actresses before.
• Bouma also appears to be just as hardworking as his new girl. His movie credits include The Chronicles of Narnia, X-Men: The Last Stand and Fantastic Four.

But if Jen and this crew fella really are an item, don't be tempted to paint their romance as some sort of unique, princess-and-pauper fluke.

Julia Roberts is married to Danny Moder, a cameraman she met on the set of The Mexican. Noah Wyle married a makeup artist he met on the set of a movie called The Myth of Fingerprints. And X-Files actress Gillian Anderson's first husband was a guy named Clyde Klotz, the assistant art director for the series.

Bonus Fact: Do not be fooled by the term best boy, another interesting but deceptive title laid out at the end credits of a movie. Despite the self-serving superlative, the best boy usually ranks under the key grip. In other words, if the best boy is best at anything, he's the best at doing what the key grip says.