jake gyllenhaal (43 posts)

Would You Do...Natalie Portman and Her Blossoms?

Natalie Portman Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Any excuse to put up a picture of Natalie Portman is OK by us!

Nat celebrated the premiere of her new flick Brothers and looked absolutely yumma-do-me while doing it. But a little on the thin side, no? Guess that's Hollywood for ya.

Love the hair, love the makeup, love the dress. Her 'do looks classy, while the strapless mini, busty-bouquet number keeps her looking young. We forget the age of this mature Harvard alum sometimes, but we do know that that vibrant blue hue is impeccable.

One thing missing from the party was costar Jake Gyllenhaal.

Is that because he was home playing with his hair?

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Bitch-Back! Are the Muscle Buddies Dunzo?

Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew McConaughey, Lance  Armstrong Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
What ever happened to the Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey bicycling group? Was one of the trio not manly enough?
Poga 

Dear The Three Amigos:
Which one, babe? Jake and Matt's time right now is clearly all taken up by their gals and kids. They're both on tight leashes. Not to worry, though, they still bike 'n' sweat together, just not as often as we'd like to see. And Lance gets in on the buddy action, too, just not as much now that he's rethinking running for political office.

Dear Ted:
Why would celebrities risk their reputation to have an affair with those that will ultimately sell them out to the tabloids? Don't the celebs know that most people who will sleep with them are opportunists?
Dnnro

Dear Celebs Get Horny, Too:
Who are you talking about anyway, Bristol Palin?

Dear Ted:
So I know that you don't want to talk about Lindsay, but what do you make of Michael's release of the phone calls? Do you really think he has something that will actually make Lindsay get herself straightened out or do you think he is only after exploiting his daughter? He is such a douche, so I wouldn't put it past him to use his daughter for publicity in this way, but I can't help but wonder what we don't know.
Jryan 

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Bitch-Back! Is Reese Using Jake?

Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal Flynet

Dear Ted:
I just don't get it with Gyllenspoon. Reese is a calculating deceiver. (Do you remember when a reporter went up to her on the red carpet just before her split with her ex-hub saying how lucky she was with him in life and she agreed?) Jake is such a nice guy. Is she using him to give a good image of herself? Please help!
Dutch

Dear Way Off:
Love ya darlin', but your Gyllenspoon decoder is way off! They're both using each other for something in this relaysh.

Dear Ted:
What is Joe Jonas doing in that awful family? It's a travesty! He's the only one who doesn't act like he's from the 19th century. I don't think he's the bad boy of the bunch, but I do think he's the black sheep. Am I right on target or way off?
N.C.

Dear Jone-Fused:
Right on the  face that he's not the bad boy of the bunch...wrong that he's the black sheep.

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with these teen girls in Hollyland? Haven't they ever heard the girl code "never date you friend's ex"? I smell another public feud between pals Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift!
Andrea

Dear Maybe, Maybe Not:
I feel like I keep repeating myself. Maybe one of those relationships isn't for keeps.

Dear Ted:
I am so disgusted with Summit and the idiotic promotion of Taylor and the apparent hiding of Robert Pattinson. Kristen and Rob won Best Fantasy Actor/Actress at the Scream Awards, and it wasn't even mentioned at the awards. But Taylor was front and center, when he had about 12 lines in only about four scenes in Twilight. Every poll shows the division, about 75 percent Pattinson and 25 percent Lautner. By far, the most versatile and talented actor is Pattinson; he's Summit's moneymaker.
Gosh

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Reese Talks Cucumbers, Cozy Time With Jake

Reese Witherspoon, InStyle, Cover InStyle

There's a reason why Reese Witherspoon is one of the craftiest broads in Hollywood.

Even though we know we're being manipulated with each interview into thinking of this pixie as the sweet girl next door (which she ain't), she does it in a way that makes us still like her. Jennifer Garner take notes, by all means.

Reese covers In Style next month and totally takes a play outta the Brangelina interview book.

Like opening up about her sex life, perhaps?

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Bitch-Back! Does Gerard Like Boys?

Gerard Butler Jim Spellman/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Justin Long
made a cameo when Drew Barrymore hosted SNL, same for Scarlett Johansson when her hubby, Ryan Reynolds, was on the show...getting your significant other to guest spot is all the rage these days! Would be one helluva great way to tell the world they're more than amigos. So Gerard Butler was the guest host Saturday night, and James Franco made a cameo.
JLM

Dear Saturday Night Gay:
Love where your dirty head's at. But like Jennifer Aniston would really stop by or something? Sorry, don't think either dude would be so obvious, were they truly launching on each other, which, of course, would be so hot.

Dear Ted:
I heart you and am a huge fan. I've been reading your column since back when you referred to Gwyneth as "Fishstick." But I'm bothered by your comments on Hollywood women like Gwynie, Jen Garner, etc. If they demand proper treatment from their husbands, you call them bitchy and manipulative. If they try to work it out with scummy men (Sean Penn, Duchovny, etc.) they are spineless. You can't have it both ways, Ted. I know healthy relationships don't make for good gossip, but what would you have a woman do?
Nancy

Dear Not Exactly:
Definitely don't think there are only two categories for women in Hollywood. But think of it this way: In order to make it to the top of the H'wood ladder, it doesn't just take talent, babe. There are loads of decent actresses in this town. It takes cunning and thick skin—something not all "nice" girls (and boys) always have.

Dear Ted:
Nick Jonas
has been spotted with Courtney Galiano at these places! All of these are true and pictures have been posted on Oceanup: Kings of Leon concert, leaving AMC movie together, jogging together in Breast Concert marathon, putting her in Bounce video, picking her up at her hotel Niagara on the Lake. He also took her to the first baseball games they attended in Toronto. Nick is sitting next to Courtney and they both look like they are drinking Diet Coke. Hello Pedo! It's so gross. What are his parents thinking? FYI as of 8/17 she had a steady BF she said in a chat! So, she leaves her BF of three yrs for a boy? She's a woman.
Born to sell

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Bitch-Back! Bromances Gone Bad

Ben Affleck, Matt Damon Erik Kabik

Dear Ted:
Upon learning that they are indeed related, do ya think Matt Damon and Ben Affleck said "Ewww" and headed straight for the showers?
Mark

Dear Letter of the Day:
Too funny! But you'd be surprised; they have a bromance unusual in Hollywood—in that it's not a romance.

Dear Ted:
I hope you're in good condition today...I saw Robert Pattinson's interview with Seventeen magazine and he says he would love to work again with Kristen Stewart in another movie (outside Twilight connection). Do you think there is a possibility that they can do the remake of Last Tango in Paris since that is their favorite movie? Do you think it's right for K.Stew because she's still young and the movie is so sexy? I think it's time for K.Stew to do some adult movies and the best way to start is with Rob because of their chemistry.
Jasmine

Dear Wishful Thinking:
Somewhere down the road, sure, I could see them working together. Like Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, everyone's first favorite onscreen couple. They did Titanic then Revolutionary Road. If Robsten works together, expect some gaps in between that and Twilight, though…or else fans won't believe them on screen with anyone else. Like that's not already the case. 

Dear Ted:
After reading your article about Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush, I have to wonder what is up with those One Tree Hill ladies. Tell me, is Danneel Harris and Jensen Ackles' relationship comparable to Sophia and Austin's? And if so, would it be fair to say that Jared Padalecki is the Jake Gyllenhaal to Jensen's Austin?
Curious

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Bitch-Back! Does Obama Deserve the Peace Prize?

Barack Obama AP Photo/Ron Edmonds

Dear Ted:
I couldn't agree with you more about President Obama. And while we're at it, could you please explain to me how the president of a country that is currently at war and is still torturing prisoners could possibly receive the Nobel Peace Prize?
—Amanda F., NYC

Dear I Wish:
If I were able to explain that to you, then I'd probably agree with it! Motivational, perhaps? Never thought I'd agree with the right-wing side of things, but it does seem to be more about his star power, less his benevolent soul.

Dear Ted:
How can you say Kate Gosselin is the lesser of two evils? Have you not watched the show and how much Jon was home being a stay-at-home dad while Kate was off trying to be famous? Then when she was home, degrading him every minute? It's just that she has TLC telling her how to behave now to make her look good in the public eye while Jon is being a normal human in a sad situation. She is so scripted. Even the little boo-hoos. She doesn't do it all for her kids. She's in it for herself. Give Jon some slack.
—Vmko

Dear Hailey Glassman:
Yeah, I definitely have seen how she degrades him, but at the end of the day, who is taking care of the kids while they, too, are going through a hard time? OK, the nannies, but Kate seems to be there for them a helluva lot more now than he does. Reverse the situation: Kate was the bread earner, of course she was gone. If the stay-at-home sitch was flipped from the beginning we wouldn't be having this debate, would we?

Dear Ted:
Love all that you do for animal shelters! Keep it up. I have a question about Jake Gyllenhaal. We know that he is a Blind Vice, but what I can't put my finger on is whether or not you like/respect him. What are your personal feelings about him? Good guy or do his hidden Vices make you dislike him?
—Jmp

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Is Austin Lighting Sophia's Bush?

Austin Nichols, Sophia Bush Jeff Kravitz/Getty for HBO LA; Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

Even though we here at the A.T. may not understand the appeal of One Tree Hill, we found out that many of you are still eager to read about what this naughty cast is really up to when the cameras stop rolling.

Chad Michael Murray's unfortunate ex, Sophia Bush, showed up to the Sixth Annual Hollywood Style Awards last night with her other more-than-costar, Austin Nichols

Uh, so is this now almost-official couple the hot new thing in Hollywood?

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Would You Do Jake Gyllenhaal With These Plastic Abs?

Jake Gyllenhaal, Prince of Persia, Lego Walt Disney Studios; Lego

We seriously didn't think Jake Gyllenhaal's campy costume for the upcoming Disney flick Prince of Persia: The Story of Jake's Pecs could get more guffaw-worthy (despite the pretty damn doable bod itself, minus overdone Fabio trappings), but then we saw J.G.'s Lego action figure. Sorry, folks, we don't even get a pint-size superhero-esque action figure of chiseled Gyllen-hon to play with, but this supercute and totally harmless plastic children's toy instead? And it pretty much captures the doability—or lack thereof—of present-day Jakey perfectly.

Oh no?

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Ryan and ScarJo Head Into Gyllenspoon Territory

Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Michael J Fox Foundation

Leave it to Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson to finally be spotted out in public together—and we can't even see their faces! Ry and ScarJo took a wild ride on Reynolds' motorcycle in L.A., and all we can do is yawn.

It's totally heatless!

Scarlett, if we were gripping a tight bod like Ry-Ry's we would hold onto his muscles for dear life—maybe even throw a leg or two around his ripped waist just to remind all those fantasizing girls out there that that's what you get to do in private, too.

We never get to see two of the most gorgeous people on the planet, who just happen to be married, out together ever.

Scar and Ry have been the butt of a few rumors surrounding their marriage—that not all is well in paradise—but they still like being around each other enough to sit close 'n' tight on a hog, we guess. Sure, a "wild" bike ride trumps Jake and Reese's standard latte hangouts, but Rarlett has so much more potential than Gyllenspoon that it pains us to see them throw their yummyness away for a bad set of helmet hair.

Show us some sexy, you two! Even Robsten manages to do it better and they are way more on the down-low.

________

Yawn. Scarlett. Clothes. YAWN.

Behold! The Blind Vice Superstars Photo Gallery!

Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Reese Witherspoon, Nikki Reed Jeff Vespa/Getty Images, Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images, ABC/Adam Larkey, Lester Cohen/Getty Images

The Awful Truth is just as obsessed with our Blind Vices as you nosy folks are, so we decided to take a brief glimpse back at some of our fave celebs honored in our sin-celebrating section. Too fun!

Those celebs featured in our new Blind Vice Superstars gallery are top-drawer Vice subjects, every last one of 'em. And not the minor pissy supporting players, but the major starring beloved Vicers.

No, we're not outing anybody in our photo flip book, though we have in the past—Blind Vices for Teri Hatcher (Death-Mint Myrtle), David Duchovny (Sylvester Slimeball), Doug Reinhardt (Dexter Lecter) have all been revealed, along with a few other trouble-loving stars.

See? We're good sports! And one of these famous faces could be the next Blind babe we're totally willing to expose.

Don't be too cocky like ya know who each one is...There have been many hundreds of B.V.'s over the years, and these are just 25 choice celebs.

Can ya guess who's who? Happy hunting, folks! Here's to foul play!

________

Meet 25 of Hollywood's most A-list secret-keepers in our Blind Vice Superstars gallery!

Bitch-Back! Is Rob the Sexiest Man Alive?

Robert Pattinson Dave Hogan/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I have to ask you. I can't find it online. When does People release its annual issue of Sexiest Man Alive? I am wondering when I will be seeing Rob Pattinson on the cover of my favorite celeb magazine! Do you agree with me that he has the 2009 cover no questions asked…it's inevitable and much deserved, right?
—L

Dear Unpredictable People:
I agree, but babe, it's not likely. Remember how shocked we were when Chace Crawford took the Hottest Bachelor title? As much as Rob deserves it, People has been known to get these things wrong.

Dear Ted:
Stop. Just please stop with all the Twilight stuff. Your column is unreadable. I read your headlines every afternoon, and it's the same thing every day. I know you are probably more popular than ever because of the Twi-twats who sit at home waiting for your next article about their beloved Robsten, but you are losing a lot of long-time readers, too.
—Jacobs

Dear Closed-Off:
Can't you learn to love, too? Open your heart! And I hardly think it's unreadable. You proved otherwise.

Dear Ted:
Why haven't we seen at least a statement from Nicole Richie regarding DJ AM's death?
—Wachill

Dear Not Everyone Mourns Through Publicists:
Because she has taste?

Dear Ted:
Why is Jake Gyllenhaal looking so bad and angry lately? He looks as if he is sad about something or feeling jealous.
—Robbie

Dear Duh:
Yeah, it's this thing called a career.

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Sean Penn? He seems sleazy enough. Also has Sienna "Devout Member of the Sisterhood of Women" Miller ever been a BV?
—Couchguru

Dear No Skank-dar:
Penn a fagola? Is that why he dives into every skirt, whether he's married or not, he can get his inebriated fingers on? Wow. Most impressive front I've ever seen. And why should Sienna be a Vice star? She lives her greasiness all out in the open!

Dear Ted:
We mentioned all the cast in Twilight and you say he or she is not Terry Tush-Trade. I guess TTT does not exist? If TTT does exist, can you give more hints?
—Mary

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