Review: New Moon Is Either Just Fine or Way Mopey, Depending On Who You Are
Summit Entertainment
Should you go see New Moon? Does it matter what we say? You're going to see New Moon. But if you have any lingering doubts about the second film in The Twilight Saga, we're here to help. Below is a handy clip 'n' save chart matching your own personality with a customized review of the most hyped film of the year.
Find the category that best matches you, and the truth about New Moon will follow:
Why Won't Sarah Palin Go Away?
AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite
Sarah Palin: Why won't she just go the hell away?
—JYLynn, via Twitter
Her lingering corpse does seem odd, given she was slaughtered during the election, then drawn and quartered by the media after she left gubernatorial office—midway through her term—in Alaska.
At this point, Sarah Palin's just another celebrity shilling a book, right? So why does she seem like so much more? Well...
Will the Twilight Kids Have "Real" Acting Careers?
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images; Lester Cohen/Getty Images; Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images; George Pimentel/Getty Images; Noel Vasquez/Getty Images; Donna Ward/Getty Images
Do you think the New Moon kids are actually going to have careers after all the Twilight drama dies down? Or be taken seriously?
—Queen of Shoes, via Twitter
Well, because E! Online readers just love reading about how actors are jealous of other actors, or sleeping with other actors, or making little baby actors with other actors, let's do this right.
Let's put this in terms of other actors. Like who among the Twilight stars is really the next Matt Damon, who's the next Drew Barrymore and who's the next Keanu Reeves?
Behold a possible future for each New Mooner...
What Does Lady Gaga's Bizarre "Bad Romance" Video Mean, Anyway?
Interscope
Lady Gaga's video for "Bad Romance" is either astonishingly brilliant or horrifyingly, beyond-belief stupid. What do you think? Guide your lemmings, Answer Bitch!
—Liz, via Facebook
I think we need to understand what Gaga is trying to tell us other than walk, walk, fashion, baby. And to do that we need to analyze the images we're seeing, and boy are there a lot of 'em.
So what are we working with here? The video includes images of a hairless cat, a guy in an S&M roman gladiator chin strap, an alternate Gaga with anime eyes in a bathtub, and diamonds floating in space. And oh: She's crying, and dancing, but not at the same time.
She wears righteous sunglasses.
There is an actual story to the video, and we'll go over it through the wise, mystical prism of dream analysis! Let us begin...
Why Can't Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin Shut Up?
INFdaily.com
Why can't Michael Lohan or Jon Gosselin shut up? Is it a disease?
—L, via the Answer B!tch inbox
I wish it were, just so I could claim credit for the discovery and make up an awesome name for it, like egobelioma or delusia bifida.
But no. In fact, the reason why Michael Lohan won't stop talking about his daughter—or leaking supposedly private calls about her—and the reason why Jon Gosselin still thinks anyone cares about what he has to say, is a lot more chilling than a mere head disorder...
Is Posing Nude Ever a Good Idea for Famous Guys?
Playgirl Magazine, Jesse Grant/Getty Images
What could Levi Johnston possibly gain by posing naked for Playgirl?
—Babs G., via the Answer B!tch inbox
You mean besides money and the eternal high that comes with making Sarah Palin miserable? As the Jews might say, dayenu, that would have been enough.
For women, there are tons of reasons for posing nude: Sharon Stone said she did it for money right after appearing in Total Recall. It sure didn't hurt, given that she later went on to do stuff like Basic Instinct and Casino. We won't even begin to discuss the ongoing successes of The Girls Next Door.
But when it comes to guys who pose in adult mags, there are, generally, only two types: (1) Unknowns who, if the ploy works, graduate to sort-of knowns, and (2) bona fide celebrities who stir up noncontroversies by posing only partly in the buff.
That latter category includes a major country star married to an A-list actress, and a former teen star who has been linked to Megan Fox...
Do Celebs Really Hang Out in Strip Clubs?
nationalphotogroup.com
What's up with Fergie and her hubby? Did he seriously cheat on her with a stripper?
—Lauren J., via Facebook
Well, let's see, we have the stripper, named Nicole Forrester, alleging yes; and Josh Duhamel denying it; and Forrester coming back with a lie detector test that she allegedly passed. So, ladies and gentlemen of the Internets, I ask you: Do you accept the lie detector test into evidence?
Now, if you're shocked, just shocked, that an actor would get busy with a stripper, you don't know actors. Or musicians. Or sports stars. Or anybody. Because everybody in entertainment loves a good exotic dancer, and I have evidence to prove it, along with a blind item or two...
How Weird Are All Those New Moon Vampire People?
Kimberley French/Summit Entertainment
So what was the most interesting or weirdest answer you heard at your New Moon press junket?
—MDuncan, via Twitter
You mean I have to pick just one? On Friday I sat through an entire afternoon of Cullens, Volturi and Wolf Pack members, not to mention at least one guy with an English accent, leather jacket and stand-up hair.
I think any answer about weird/interesting things said there deserves a Top Five list. At least.
Here goes:
Taylor Lautner Snarls When Asked About Tay-Squared
If you think Kristen Stewart is protective of her private life, you ain’t seen Taylor Lautner. The most famous member of the New Moon wolf pack got his hackles up Friday afternoon at a press conference for the film (though he cooled out later in the vid above), when a reporter asked him about rumors that he's dating Taylor Swift.
"What about us?" Lautner shot back. "The very funny thing is that all of you have seen every single move I have made, so I guess I can leave that up to you to decide."
Well, OK then. Just don't bite anyone.
Update
K.Stew's So Over Gossip: "It Doesn't Bother Me"
Attention all Robsten tongue-waggers: Gossip away! Kristen Stewart is over it! Totally and completely over it!
Much hay has been made in recent days about K.Stew's tumultuous relationship with the tabloids and her fierce words for gossips.
But at a press conference today in Los Angeles promoting The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Stewart indicated she'd finally found a way to cope.
"The whole rumor, tabloid stuff, it's so obviously false," she said, holding forth solo before a press mob, enthused and energetic and seemingly very happy about the whole thing.
"I became a part of a show, a ridiculous show, with false realism, like a soap opera, but it doesn't bother me. I don't take it personally, because I have gotten so much experience with this, it's gotten easier."
In fact, K.Stew now insists she gets it, how fans can get carried away, too.
"I totally understand that people have a hard time seeing us outside of our characters," she said, admitting she's very also very attached to hers, the lovestruck Bella Swan.
"I'm very protective of her. I feel a shared ownership, its weird," she said. "Maybe I am an immature girl as well; I really feel like if you think you need to do it, you need to do it, and 'it' can be anything. Be extreme. Go for it. I know this is a movie about immortality and mortality, but you only live once."
________
K.Stew gets around! See where she's been lately in the New Moon: World Tour Madness! gallery
New Moon McNuggets: Rock Hard Nipples, Wolf-Pack Tats & Strange Superpowers
Kimberly French/ Summit Entertainment
Dakota Fanning loves being evil! The New Moon wolf pack tattoos might turn into the real thing for some of the actors! And the leader of the Volturi wishes he had a very...unusual...supernatural ability.
If you haven't already, check out full pieces on that romantic devil, RPattz, and his tabloid (at least) sweetheart, KStew. And then move on to a roundup of all the stuff you should know about today's day-long press conference promoting New Moon.
So just what does Michael Sheen wish he could do? Well…
Update
New Moon Shockers: R.Pattz Isn't Romantic + More!
Edward Cullen? All kinds of melodramatic romantic. Robert Pattinson? Not so much, at least, according to Robert Pattinson.
"I really haven't done that many romantic things in my life...I mean, I've watched Titanic," he said today at a press conference promoting New Moon, the second part in, like, only the most important movie series like ever. Another shocking reveal: The actor-musician, who even had a song on the Twilight soundtrack, has never serenaded anyone.
"Oh no. You need to have so much balls to do that, Jesus Christ," he said. "I put a flower on someone's locker when I was 15."
What else did Pattz reveal? Oh, so much...
The Big Picture
If You Could See Her Now... Fun activities aboard the Oasis of the Seas cruise ship include macramé and a Rihanna concert!
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Green With Envy?Not quite, but we do give Kristen props for this shot of color during her New Moon press tour
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