Virginia Sherwood/NBC; John Paul Filo/CBS

What took so long?

After taking a shot at the Gosselins, the Law & Order brain trust has now set its sights on a certain late-night dog, plotting a ripped-from-the-headlines scenario based on David Letterman's personal life.

The casting call has just gone out for the episode, which per The Wrap will revolve around a "well-known celebrity talk-show host, married with children," who has engaged in "a series of short-lived affairs with some of the employees on the show and up until now has managed to keep them off the radar."

Until, that is, the host is approached by an email- and photo-equipped blackmailer who demands $3 million in hush money.

Sounds familiar enough. But it wouldn't be Law & Order without a twist, and this one's a doozy...

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Ash Knotek/Snappers/ZUMAPress.com

Mini-Me is not some big-time stalker. That's the word from Verne Troyer's camp after learning that a woman Troyer briefly dated has filed a restraining order against the diminutive actor.

Yvette Monet obtained the order on Oct. 1, barring Troyer from coming near her or contacting her in any way.

"I have moved on, [but] he keeps emailing me, calling me and texting me awful messages like...'I hope God is with you...' Calling me names like hooker," Monet wrote in a court declaration obtained by RadarOnline. "He will not stop. I've asked him more than 10 times to leave me alone...He said that he won't stop because he doesn't want me to see anyone else...I'm scared."

"She's terrified of this guy who's 2 feet 8 inches tall?" retorted Troyer attorney Ed McPherson in an interview with E! News.

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AP Photo/Denis Poroy

Carrie Prejean may be hot, but she just isn't worth the hassle.

E! News has confirmed the existence of Ms. Christian Values' X-rated sex tape—which reportedly prompted her abrupt settlement with Miss California Organization officials—but while the contents may be controversial, the peddlers behind the salacious video have had trouble finding any takers.

The tape actually began making the rounds several months ago and was offered as an exclusive to various websites for the bargain-basement price of $10,000.

But even blogger Nik Richie of the porn-purveying TheDirty.com didn't want anything to do with it.

"It was very graphic," Richie tells E! News, "and our lawyers wouldn't let us put it on the site."

No other site picked up the raunchfest, apparently shot by an ex-boyfriend and which Richie describes as far more explicit than the topless photos of Prejean that surfaced earlier.

Which explains why the tape's reemergence this week reportedly took Prejean by surprise.

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PacificCoastNews.com

Mariah Carey was out on the beach yesterday in Los Angeles, shooting a music video in a too-small bathing suit cut down to her navel, along with some serious bling. You know, just normal Mariah beachwear...video shoot or no video shoot.

The photo agency's caption explains the situation like so: "the Precious pop star oozed glamour." We're not sure if that's exactly what she's oozing—maybe it's more like desperation—but for the sake of the magical creature that is Mariah, we'll stick with glamour.

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Just as we'd never expect Mariah to wear something that actually fits, we never expect Britney to wear a bra. Check her out in our Big Pic gallery.

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Dina Lohan got punched in the face when she tried to get Lindsay into rehab last year—so why do we still feel sorry for LiLo?

Because the revelation is just part of another audio recording released by daddy dearest Michael Lohan to Radar Online as part of his so-called concern for his daughter's life.

"You don't even know what I'd go through trying to get her into, like, rehab and stuff," Dina is heard telling Michael over the phone in a conversation dated September 2008. "She'd like, punch me in the face, kick me out of the car...like you don't know the (expletive) I went through trying to get her an intervention by myself.  It was very difficult."

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"Ef love."

That's Rihanna's firm advice to women of any age facing domestic violence.

The first of the pop star's televised interviews with Diane Sawyer aired this morning on Good Morning America. The 21-year-old sat poised and beautiful as she explained how she went back to Chris Brown after he beat her last February, how she managed to break free from him and how she feels about it now.

Rihanna declares she's "strong" but is ashamed at how the whole relationship went down.

"I fell in love with that person—that's embarrassing," she says. "That's embarrassing that that's the type of person that I fell in love with, so far in love, so unconditional [that] I went back."

Sawyer noted that, on average, woman will take a beating seven times before leaving. The 21-year-old's response was chilling.

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Activision/ Band Hero

Listen, if Gwen Stefani wanted to croon like a dude about doing it with hookers, don't you think she would have done it by now?

Unfortunately, the makers of the newly released Band Hero didn't take the hint and allowed for the avatar of No Doubt's frontwoman to be manipulated into doing just that. Which means only one thing: lawsuit time!

The rock band has filed suit against the video game purveyor Activision, alleging fraudulent inducement and breach of contract, claiming that while Stefani, Tony Kanal, Tom Dumont and Adrian Young all signed off on allowing their likenesses to be used, it came with the stipulation that the company could only employ the use of three of their songs, "Don't Speak," "Excuse Me Mr." and "Just a Girl."

Apparently the technical brain-boxes at Activison didn't take the hint from that last song title.

The gamemakers allow players to manipulate Stefani and crew so they can perform more than 60 songs—and here's the sticking point—of other artists, turning the No Doubters, per the lawsuit, into little more than "a virtual karaoke circus act."

The song No Doubt seems to have taken the most issue with is the Rolling Stones' "Honky Tonk Woman," claiming that manipulation "results in an unauthorized performance by the Gwen Stefani avatar in a male voice boasting about having sex with prostitutes."

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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Rihanna may have had it rough, but, unfortunately, hers is not the only abuse story on the docket this week.

Mariah Carey appeared on Larry King Live last night and admitted she's faced her own difficult relationships. "Abuse has several categories," she tells the host when he asks if she's ever been in a situation similar to Rihanna's. "[I've been abused] Emotionally, mentally."

Not unlike the battered pop star, Carey says the hardest part was breaking free from ex-husband Tommy Mottola (whom she doesn't mention by name but very clearly alludes to).

"It's scary," she admits. "I just think you get into a situation and you feel locked in…For me, to really get out, it was difficult because there was connection that was not only a marriage, but a business thing where the person was in control of my life."

When asked for her thoughts on Rihanna's struggles, she reacts the way many of us have.

"Yikes," she says calmly, later adding, "I can't imagine what she went through."

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Too much serious! Time for Silly Celebs' Goofy Grins!