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With friends like these, who needs tabloid reporters?

Jon Gosselin is the latest victim to fall prey to Michael Lohan's seemingly ever-present recording devices, with Lindsay's father now leaking audio from a phone call earlier this year with the reality dud dad.

We'll give him this, Lohan certainly managed to get Gosselin talking during the nearly four-minute call, spouting off on his exclusivity contract with TLC, dishing on his relationships with Hailey Glassman and Kate Major, pronouncing he will not—repeat not—be "scare tactic'd," and…one more thing…what was it?

Oh, yeah. Pedophiles.

"I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it?" he said in the tape obtained by Radar Online. "It's disgusting."

It's disgusting all right...

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http://tweetphoto.com/tvsfavan

At age 15, Justin Bieber is so young his mom probably still kisses his boo-boos to make them feel better.

She might need to get to work—the pop star-in-training broke his foot yesterday.

The Usher protégé had the distinguished honor of opening for Taylor Swift at England's Wembley Arena, but something went awry as he finished up his set with his hit single, "One Time."

No, Kanye West didn't interrupt. Justin stumbled. And like any good celebrity on the rise, he twittered about the whole thing.

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There's a reason everyone is told not to play with their food.

Paula Deen had to teach someone the hard way.

The Food Network star was in Atlanta helping Hosea Feed the Hungry & Homeless load donations for Thanksgiving from Smithfield Foods into trucks.

Some guy tried to be clever and tossed a giant ham at the 62-year-old chef without saying "catch!" or "fore!" or "duck!" Not cool. Deen was smacked in the head by the hefty ham.

"[The ham] hit me full long in the face and 'bout knocked me cuckoo, but I'm fine," she told local television station WXIA.

"[Paula was] startled at first, but quickly regained focus and kept her humor," the foodie's rep told Us Weekly. "She's OK now and is icing her face."

Just don't ask her if her face hurts—that joke is for the birds.

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Paula Deen is in talks to do a chat show. Do you rememember who one of her cohosts might be?

Matt Sayles/AP Photo

"Singularly distasteful."

The Parents Television Council on Adam Lambert's American Music Awards leash demonstration? Close. The Sept. 16, 1956, New York Times on Elvis Presley's hip-censored Ed Sullivan performance.

If our outrage over rock stars is nothing new, then neither are our rock stars. From Elvis' pelvis on down, they are nothing if not dedicated to sex, more sex, the next new single, which is probably about sex, and ticking off people who prefer their s-e-x to be not so explicit, thankyouverymuch. 

Criticizing Lambert for what he did, smooched and pawed at the AMAs is like criticizing that Paula Deen lady on the Food Network because she made something with butter: It's what they do.

And the other night, Lambert did his job very well.

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From Argentine tango to Viennese waltz, the final round of Dancing With the Stars had a little bit of everything.

Finalists Mya, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond danced three times apiece on night one of the ABC hit's two-part finale, which will culminate tomorrow with one of these endearing celebs being crowned queen or king of the ballroom.

Though neither Donny nor Mya has ever been in the bottom two (or three) and Kelly and her can-do attitude have obviously developed quite the following, voters' loyalties may well have shifted during the course of the evening, thanks to the hit-and-miss nature of the routines.

We always expect the anything-goes freestyles to be especially exciting...so perhaps that's why we're even more let down when they fail.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First came a Latin round. Then they did a group mega-mix, in which all three couples performed the same Viennese waltz, samba and jive choreography simultaneously.

We broke it all down for you:

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Kate Gosselin never wanted it to be this way. But since it is this way...

Having to shut down its cash cow thanks to Jon Gosselin's gripes, TLC made sure that its litigious former star ended up looking like the greater of two evils on Monday's series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

"They don't know about girlfriends at all," Kate said, referring pointedly to her kids' knowledge of Jon's off-and-on significant other, Hailey Glassman.

"That's just too warped for them, too unhealthy for them to know. They're learning at this age by watching us what it's like to be an adult, and that's the last thing I want them to know. But I really just think that relationship is a situation that's just a symptom of the real issue, so…I don't envision a future there involving my kids at all."

Zing!

So while Jon talked about doing what he has to do to be friends with Kate, be a good dad and maintain his relationship with Hailey, his estranged wife was busy nipping that last part in the bud.

When they weren't busy repeating themselves for the cameras, Kate took six of the kids to an organic farm, where they petted kittens and milked cows, and everything was wholesome and lovely! Meanwhile, even raising money for firefighters, Jon just couldn't win.

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Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images; Theo Wargo/Getty Images

Timbaland says he's got nothing but love for Chris Brown, despite the fact that Brown is now an ex-contributor to the MC's latest album.

"The decision was a mutual decision since both artists were at the time working on their solo projects," a rep for Timbaland tells E! News in response to a TMZ report that Brown's vocal on "The One I Love" was dropped due to all the "drama" in his life.

"Chris is a friend to us," the rep says.

Neither version is particularly far-fetched, but that's the official word.

Another rapper on the track, D.O.E., told TMZ that the tune was originally titled "Maniac," but was changed to "The One I Love" because of Brown's involvement.

Timbaland's latest solo effort, Shock Value II, is due out Dec. 8. Brown's new album, Graffiti, drops the same day.

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Get a load of the latest videos in both Chris Brown and Rihanna's repertoires right here.

MLS.com; Lester Cohen/Getty Images

Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom finally have a roost to call their own.

E! News confirmed Monday that the newlyweds have purchased a seven-bedroom home in Tarzana, Calif.—pretty close to Kris and Bruce Jenner's abode in Calabasas—for close to $4 million.

In addition to sleeping quarters for all of Khoé's siblings and a few Lakers, the Mediterranean-style manse has nine bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a gym, a theater, a pool and spa, an outdoor cooking space with two fridges and a barbecue pit, and a driveway that can fit around 15 cars.

We're just going to assume that high ceilings were a prerequisite.

Not bad for a first home as husband and wife—and they even got a deal! The price had recently been reduced by a million dollars due to the real-estate-unfriendly economic climate.

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While we wait for a Khloé at Home gallery, check out Khloé on the Karpet.

Rick Rowell/ABC via Getty Images; Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Do Leona Lewis and Vivienne Westwood have some sort of exclusive fashion agreement? Or is the singer just gunning for Pamela Anderson's modeling gig?

Leona has worn the British designer's creations on the red carpet three times in November alone! First were these sequined harem pants. Then, just last night at the American Music Awards, she wore the same friggin' bodice that she sported at MTV's Europe Music Awards!

We're all for designer devotion. But. Come. On. Switch it up a bit, girl.

Still, the leather bodice makes for one sexy getup. We like the longer, custom-made version better. The added tulle is much more dramatic.

Which version of the dress do you prefer? Vote now in the Style Showdown gallery! 

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Check out more fashion statements from the 2009 American Music Awards.