The Awful Truth

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We bet Pete Wentz and Jessica Biel are two big fans of Mad Men (and who isn't nowadays!). Evidence? The two fashion victims took a retro turn for the better while at a Live Earth event in New York City. We can't believe our eyes at how bright, shiny 'n' new both of 'em look in their snazzy officewear.

It's refreshing to see Pete out of a hoodie for once and lookin' dapper in a perfectly tailored suit. And we always knew Wentzy was a heartbreaking hunk under that emo swoop hairdo he's been sporting since forever, getting that black fringe out of his face and opting for a buzz cut. Dude can finally show off the chiseled Clark Kent-Don Draper Jr. thing he's got goin' on.

And Jessica usually prefers sweat suits and a grim frown when she goes out, but the '60s-inspired gray secretary—sorry, we mean administrative assistant—duds are seriously smokin'. Not to mention that smile.

New life, new wardrobe, perhaps? Maybe a Justinless Jess is for the best.

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Peep and rate more style perps in our Fashion Police gallery!

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Kanye West's bitch face in this pic of him his babe candy, Amber Rose, walking the VMA red carpet says it all. Kan sure isn't known for being modest—and this year was no friggin' exception with him interrupting poor Taylor Swift's speech.

But he does have a rep for being stylish. What the ef happened to this typically sharp-dressed man? 

This usually delish duo obviously didn't coordinate their hideous outfits, 'cause they've got completely different looks going on:

Ms. Rose is clearly auditioning for the role of an alien in a sci-fi movie we never wanna see, wasting her hot bod with the most unflattering, ugly-ass jumpsuit we've ever seen. And K.W.'s doing his own version of hip-hop trailer trash in ripped jeans and a half-tucked-in shirt, complete with a handful of Hennessy.  

He makes us wanna scream-tweet him in all caps not to half-ass his wardrobe next time he shows up to an event. And stay off the stage when it's not your damn turn, asshole!

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The one week out of the year we are über-pissed this column isn't run out of New York is during Fall Fashion Week. L.A. is totally dead, while all the most fabulous stars come out to play in NYC.

But one plus to being a long flight away is that when we diss a fashionista goddess, as we're about to with Victoria Beckham, she won't come kick our asses.

Look, we adore Posh.

Anyone who can claim they get to bed David Beckham regularly is clearly someone to be worshiped. And while we heart her fierce style, we're not feeling one of her more recent ensembles. Thigh-high boots are a fall must, yes, but Vicki's tight leather come-ef-me heels can really only be pulled off by...how do we say this delicately, a generation that grew up listening to the Spice Girls.

Take Rihanna, for ince. Love or hate her out-there style, this girl can rock almost anything. She's daring and has fun pressing stylish buttons. Like Posh, she too has the attitude to complement some badass 'fits, but Ri-Ri has one thing going for her: youth.

We do not consider ourselves ageists here at the A.T., but there are some looks you just can't pull off once you start moving up decade levels. It happens to us all! (My tees can't be quite as tight as they used to be.) So, Vicki, keep the cutting-edge looks coming, but let's factor in age a bit more shall we? There are new trendsetters in town.

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According to this photo of Kim Cattrall on the set in New York, evidently there's an '80s flashback in the Sex and the City sequel—but is it a fantasy flashback? Because we certainly don't recall anyone ever dressing in these hideous duds back then. 

Sarah Jessica Parker had her own retro makeover for the movie, but while SJP's outfit is sorta demure (especially for Carrie Bradshaw), they threw all the crazy on poor Kimmy C.

We totally can't imagine Kim's saucy, sex-loving Samantha Jones slumming it in a trashy getup like this—unless, of course, Samantha was a hooker in the '80s. Totally possible.

For Kim's sake, let's hope Pat Fields and the costume department give Cattrall a helluva better wardrobe in the present-day scenes than they did in the first big-screen flick. While the other girls were sleeker and more sophisticated, Samantha's duds were uncharacteristically frumpy and over-the-top. Stereotypically cougariffic and not sexy at all.

So is half the movie gonna be in the '80s, or will it just be a quickie scene? Who cares, the bigger mystery is how much CGI they're gonna need to make all four women appear 20 years younger.

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We're just going to say it because no one else is: Rihanna did not look that good at the Met Costume Institute Gala. It was like freaky Monday for us with our beloved Ri-Ri and Jessica Biel.

We applaud Rihanna for her first public appearance since "the incident," but that doesn't mean we have to cheer on her wardrobe choice. We love the suit idea. It is a costume gala after all, but instead of fierce and fab, it was just too overdone up top. The zebra hair wasn't workin' with her inflatable-looking arms. If only it was toned down a smidgen, R would have nailed it.

The biggest surprise of the night? Jessica Biel.

We have very lukewarm feelings when it comes to Jess in real life, you know, 'cause she's just so blah usually, but there was nothing mundane about her dress choice. This bitch rocked it!

It was just the right balance of elegance and edginess with the hemline. Plus, her perfectly placed hair and magnif spray tan could even give Hugh Jackman a run for his Wolverine moola. J.B. was def the hotter half of Timberbiel last night.

Who do you think dazzled and disappointed?

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Don't be confused, the premiere for Observe and Report was actually in Hollywood, even though you'd think it was Atlantic City by the way Anna Faris was dressed.

An-hon, whom we love, looked more like a New Jersey hooker than a movie star in that hole-filled frock. Did the peroxided gal take too many fashion tips from the Playboy babes while researching The House Bunny?

And Seth Rogen is slowly slipping away right before our eyes! The skinny thang just doesn't look right on him. It's like trying to picture a six-pack on Will Ferrell. So not right.

You can tell he's über uncomfortable, no longer being the jolly fat guy with the jokes, and if you're thinking he's healthier by dropping all that weight—not every way a guy gets thin is exactly good for your bod, ya know.

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Jennifer Lopez stepped out Saturday in Bev Hills sporting a new cut but the same bitchy look. We're actually a fan of the side-swept bangs and lighter color, but it's supposed to be fun sassy, not kick-your-ass sassy.

Why can't she ever smile and not pout? Even though it was freakishly hot here in Hell-Ay over the weekend, we still don't think it's time to bust out the white pants just yet.

Plus, a tucked-in shirt works on Posh, but it's a hard look to pull off for a gal who's so curvylicious. Enhance what you got, hon. We know you got a good behind, but where the boobs at?

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Except for both their male companions being lame no-shows, Jennifer Aniston and Scarlett Johansson had very different problems at the H'wood premiere of He's Just Not That Into You.

Married lady ScarJo's Oscar de la Renta dress is flowery fab, and her generous rack on display would make breasty babe Salma Hayek proud. But what the ef is up with the totally flat, blah brown hair? All her recent red-carpet wear's been matronly or mismatched. Where's the whole va-va-va-voom schtick you were so good at, Scar? If this is what marrying Ryan Reynolds has done to ya, we prefer you as a single gal on the prowl, fer sure.

And while Jenny looked fresh-faced and perfectly ponytailed, we so called that she'd be donning black—again—before we even laid eyes on her. Are ya scared of seeking even more attention by adding color to your closet? Black, red or nothing, hon, you're still gonna get it. Plus, noir is so totally Angie's thing. Unless ya think something of hers should be stolen, too?

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Anne Hathaway showed up to the National Board of Review last night erasing any memory we had of her looking too fab on her 10 million press tour and awards show appearances for the even fabber Rachel Getting Married.

Almost looks like babe skinned a saber-toothed tiger and wrapped it around her bod to keep warm. This is just nasty. We're sorry ya lost the Golden Globe on Sunday (well, not really, we love our Kate Winslet), but there's simply no reason to throw in the towel and give up just yet, doll, and it sure looks like you have!

There's still the Oscars—a nom is a sure thing—and even if ya don't win Best Actress, Best Dressed helps your career almost as much, trust.

Jason LaVeris/Getty Images, RIV/Fame Pictures

Is Jessica Alba suffering from postpartum depression or something? We don't know how else to explain the truly tragic wardrobe Alba's been pulling out of the closet (or a drainpipe) this week.

Babe crawled out of bed to attend the screening of My Bloody Valentine in PJs. Jess, if you insist on wearing sleepwear outside, at least make it a nightie, wouldya? We know you've still got the bod, so why cover it up?

And the very next day, J.A. strolled through L.A. in tapered, pastel purple pants with five story hooker heels. These style choices are on par with pink-wig Britney, but at least Brit could blame it on mental probs. What's your excuse, Jess?

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Mariah Carey absolutely refuses to put her rack away, lest we forget she has one for a millisecond. M.C. was spotted skiing the slopes in Aspen with hub-boy Nick and her two BFFs, her breasts.

Babe's braving the harsh weather just so her cleavage gets its allotted time out to play. We love a voluptuous gal like Mimi—Salma Hayek and Scarlett Johansson, too—but there's a time and place, doll.

You'd be just as sexy in a turtleneck, sheesh, don't be so self-conscious. Or does Nicky require his wifey to look the sex-pot part 24/7?

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Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi took a stroll out in L.A. today, and we just adore PDR's par-tick taste in clothes. On every platform this pair has, from El's show to Port's own wardrobe, they're always speaking their minds, and we typically agree with what they're sayin'.

Nice reminder, too, that this couple's still considered married, at least for the moment, no matter how much hate spewing there's been this year in California. No damn prop is gonna buzz kill these newlyweds' honeymoon phase, clearly.