Ask the Answer B!tch

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What could Levi Johnston possibly gain by posing naked for Playgirl?
—Babs G., via the Answer B!tch inbox

You mean besides money and the eternal high that comes with making Sarah Palin miserable? As the Jews might say, dayenu, that would have been enough.

For women, there are tons of reasons for posing nude: Sharon Stone said she did it for money right after appearing in Total Recall. It sure didn't hurt, given that she later went on to do stuff like Basic Instinct and Casino. We won't even begin to discuss the ongoing successes of The Girls Next Door.

But when it comes to guys who pose in adult mags, there are, generally, only two types: (1) Unknowns who, if the ploy works, graduate to sort-of knowns, and (2) bona fide celebrities who stir up noncontroversies by posing only partly in the buff.

That latter category includes a major country star married to an A-list actress, and a former teen star who has been linked to Megan Fox...

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How can Demi Moore say she hasn't had plastic surgery? Is that even scientifically possible?
—Ellis, Secaucus, N.Y.

Sweet Lady Science, she is a strange mistress, no? Yes, Demi Moore claims in the latest issue of French Marie Claire that she has never seen the pointy end of a scalpel.

For the record, Moore is 47 and is so firm that her butt doubles as a spring mat for the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team.

So is someone maybe playing a little nip/tuck with the truth? Here's what the experts have to say...

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BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM

So Sienna Miller stands around topless on a boat and a hotel balcony, and she gets to sue the British tabs who published the photos? How does that work? Wasn't she visible for the world to see?
—Peter, St. Paul

She was.

In the States, if starlets stood on boats—clearly visible to the mortified public, wearing nothing but their egos—we'd probably get to sue them, for traumatizing us with their concave boobies and horrifically jutting collarbones.

But not so in Britain. This week, Sienna Miller filed a suit in her home country, claiming two tabloids invaded her privacy by publishing topless photos of her and boyfriend Balthazar Getty on vacation in Italy. See the incredible reason why Miller just might win—and what Naomi Campbell has to do with all of this—after the jump.

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INCO/FAME Pictures

I'm so confused. I just read that Nicole Kidman is allegedly pregnant. Seriously, she looks about as pregnant as a stick bug after digesting a big leaf.
—Sterveen

She is, in fact, pregnant. And for the record, your analogy doesn't work, because, unlike Ms. Kidman, stick bugs are cold blooded animals that—wait. Never mind. Hey, how about some more of your Burning Q's?

How do celebrities deal with body hair? Maybe Matthew McConaughey can get away with blond chest stubble between waxings, but with all the crotch shots we've been subjected to lately, you'd think we'd see more 5-o'clock shadow down there.
—Karen

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20th Century Fox

Funny, I just assumed Ashton Kutcher was a method actor. His real-life wife, Demi Moore, is 45, you know. Let's answer more, more, more of your burning Q's!

Is Hannah Montana being replaced because of Miley's Vanity Fair picture?
—Kayla, Redmond, Wash.

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Anwar Hussein/WireImage.com

I have always had a crush on Prince William. But over the past month, I think I am starting to have a crush on Prince Harry instead. My two other friends also have a crush on Harry now. Why is this happening? Help me, Answer B!tch!
—Georgia, New York

I just adore Harry. What a sad lad he seems to be these days, though, mooning over that snarling, top-heavy blonde and moping about in Canadian strip joints. (Canadian strippers? Why don't his valets, or whatever his princely entourage is called, fly poor Harry to Vegas so he can live like a properly dissipated monarch-in-waiting? Henry VIII would have jetted to Vegas on a jewel-encrusted, flying pleasure barge filled with French chicks wearing nothing but corsets made of prime rib. Honestly, these modern royals. No style at all.)

The reason Prince Harry has suddenly captivated us is the same reason why we know his taste in strip clubs: The news and the photos that go with them. Harry is suddenly all over the tabloids, and he also happens to be rather ruggedly cute. It was only a matter of time before you got sucked in, cupcake.

The media has upped its Harry coverage because of his on-again, off-again relationship with Zimbabwean girlfriend Chelsy Davy and because he likes to party while pining away for her.

The glossies cannot resist the ongoing soap opera. We get updates pretty much every week: Chelsy and Harry have been dating for more than three years. Then recently, Chelsy moved to England to study and be closer to Harry. She apparently hated the weather, and he reportedly started to flirt with other birds. And he reportedly blew off her birthday, and she reportedly dumped him, and then he came crawling back, and so on.

(And then she was all, "It was my BDAY," and he was all, "WUT EVR I'm gonna watch RUGBY," and she was all, "LTR you GIT." At least that's how I imagine the text messages went.)

As for the rest of us, after viewing Harry photos week after week, any reasonably horny person would conclude that he's rather a bonny chap. It's as simple as that.