Review: New Moon Is Either Just Fine or Way Mopey, Depending On Who You Are

New Moon, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Summit Entertainment

Should you go see New Moon? Does it matter what we say? You're going to see New Moon. But if you have any lingering doubts about the second film in The Twilight Saga, we're here to help. Below is a handy clip 'n' save chart matching your own personality with a customized review of the most hyped film of the year.

Find the category that best matches you, and the truth about New Moon will follow:

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Dishy Rob Pattinson: Kristen Stewart Cooks a "Mean Spam"

Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson ABC photo / Randy Holmes
More from The Awful Truth

We've got tons of dish for you from the entire New Moon cast and premiere, but let's get to the really good stuff first—Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

The two didn't snap pics together on the carpet, and no one could ask the two stars for any personal bites on each other. But we were able to squeeze some cuteness out of Rob.

Producer Bill Bannerman, by the by, told us Kristen was the Julia Child of the cast. So does Rob like her home cookin', too? And how did the two spend their day off in Madrid?

We've got all this, plus piles o' dish from the afterparty, so you'll def want to read on:

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New Moon: Who Makes for the Hottest Cover?

Entertainment Weekly, Cover, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner Entertainment Weekly

How much fun is a trip to the newsstand right now?

New Moon stars are everywhere!

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner grace at least seven magazine covers, and then there's that adorable Teen Vogue with Dakota Fanning and sizzling Maxim with Ashley Greene. It's enough to have any fanggirl doing backflips (as if the dwindling countdown isn't doing that already).

Still—we can't decide, so we're asking you—which of the New Moon mag covers gets your heart racing the most?

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Cheer for Homecoming Princess Dakota Fanning!

Dakota Fanning PacificCoastNews.com

Watch out, vamps! The Vikings are comin' through!

Sound like a cheerleader's battle cry? That's because it is.

New Moon star Dakota Fanning has returned to her typical teenager life at North Hollywood's Campbell Hall Episcopal High School, where she does her own impressive stunt work as a cheerleader for the home team, pom-poms and all.

And, not unlike her dominance over young Hollywood, the 15-year-old totally rules the school. Seriously, who needs an Oscar when you've already been named homecoming princess?! The flowers are the same and a tiara totally trumps a statuette because you can wear it as a badge of honor!

Plus, we're guessing Miss Fanning got to a take a twirl around the dance floor Friday night with lucky number 47. Not too shabby!

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Dakota looks scary serious in New Moon Rising. 18 days!

Is Vampire Diaries Totally Ripping Off Twilight?

New Moon, Dakota Fanning, Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev Kimberly French/Summit Entertainment; Alan Markfield /The CW
More from Ask the Answer Bitch

I want to know how the CW can come out with a new show, The Vampire Diaries, that is such a blatant rip-off of Twilight? How can they get away with it?
—kLa, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Actually, if anyone has ripped off anybody in the whole overwrought melodrama high-school vampire genre, it's Stephenie Meyer. Her concept, whose freshness falls somewhere between a four-month-old cucumber and a shambling corpse, debuted in 2005. That's 14 years—years—after an author named L.J. Smith published the first in the Vampire Diaries series.

So will we see any lawsuits over this? Well...

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First Look: Volturi Vamp It Up in New New Moon Pics

New Moon, Dakota Fanning Kimberly French/ Summit Entertainment

It was only a matter of time before new New Moon photos started to see the (twi)light of day.

And luckily for the breathlessly waiting Twi-hards, that time is now.

Feast your eyes (and any other body parts you wish) on the film's vicious, red-pupiled fresh meat, courtesy of a crop of new promotional photos released today by Summit.

Sure, they may be missing the Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner Twi-umvirate, but if you had vampires this badass staring you down, you'd probably mosey on out of frame, too.

Still, new photos of Dakota Fanning as the angel-faced Jane, Cameron Bright as her twin Alec, Michael Sheen as Volturi leader Aro, Jamie Campbell Bower as Caius and Christopher Heyerdahl as Marcus—a group we only caught glimpses of in the film's official trailer—aren't such a bad way to enter the weekend.

(Originally published on Aug. 28, 2009 at 9:25 a.m. PT)

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Not that we have to tell you twice, but check out the entire vampire coven in our New Moon Rising gallery!

Dakota Fanning + Freddie Highmore = Cutest. Thing. Ever.

Dakota Fanning, Freddie Highmore Jeffrey Ufberg/Getty Images, Rick Maiman/AP Photo

If you thought Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner were a match made in tween heaven, think again.

Full-blown thespians Dakota Fanning and Freddie Highmore reportedly had a dinner date in Beverly Hills Saturday night. Squee!

At 15, the increasingly adorable Dakota has already gone toe-to-toe with the likes of Sean Penn, Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise and, oh yeah, Robert Pattinson(!) in the upcoming Twilight sequel. Lest you forgot, Freddie, 17, has a résumé no less impressive, serving as Johnny Depp's pint-size protégé in both Finding Neverland and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Seriously, can you say power couple?

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Trying to think of other great power couples? Worry not! They populate our Celebrity Date Night gallery!

Giant Gap in Dakota Fanning's New Moon Poster

Dakota Fanning, New Moon, Fake Poster Courtesy of Gap

Isn't this New Moon poster featuring Dakota Fanning lovely?

Too bad it isn't real.

True, the actress is playing evil Jane in the upcoming Twilight sequel, but in this supposed one-sheet, she looks less like a scary vamp and more like a Gap ad. Wonder why?

In other TwiNews, Robert Pattinson is still hot; Kristen Stewart is still working on that Joan Jett movie (with Dakota, no less); and Kellan Lutz still has cute dimples.

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Find other photographic treasures in the Big Picture gallery!

Pattz, Angie, Miley & Kendra: Our Fanpage Olympics!

Robert Pattinson, Miley Cyrus, Kendra Wilkinson, Angelina Jolie Charley Gallay/Getty Images; ABC/Asam Larkey; Jordan Strauss/Getty Images; Mike Marsland/Getty Images

We know it's still another eight months until the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, but that doesn't mean we can't have our own little competition every now and again.

The judges have tallied their scores and named the top three most popular Fanpages in the categories of Musician, Actor, Twilighter and Why-Am-I-Famous? person.

Before you click around to see our winners, we'll tell you Supernatural star Jensen Ackles missed medaling by just a hair. We even had to use instant replay to be sure (we know you fans are legion—keep clicking the vote!). Former champs Kim Kardashian and Spencer Pratt missed their marks (not like Bret Michaels, though, so no worries). And New Moon's Taylor Lautner must have fallen on his triple axel or something, because he didn't even land on the podium!

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Rise 'n' Shine: No Adoption for Jennifer Aniston Today

Jennifer Aniston PacificCoastNews.com

Star magazine claims Jennifer Aniston is going to adopt, but Us Weekly says no sir-ee bob. Someday, she actually will be preparing for motherhood and we won't believe it, so the wolf will eat all the sheep.

It's a biopic bonanza this morning! Evan Rachel Wood wants Dakota Fanning to play her in the movie of her life, while Catherine Zeta-Jones supposedly wants to take the lead on a Susan Boyle film.

You might have thought action directors McG and Michael Bay used their massive explosions to compensate for something, but apparently not.

Seriously, messing with Sherri Shepherd is a bad idea. The Wrestler 2, anyone?

File this under "incredibly useful information": Rachel McAdams wears bamboo underpants.

Dear Aubrey O'Day: Thank you for not doing a season of A Shot at Love. It could have ruined that really stellar career of yours. Love, Rise 'n' Shine

Oh look! There's Jen again in the Big Picture gallery!


We're up for Webby Awards! Vote for E! Online in the Celebrity/Fan and Mobile categories!

Dakota Fanning Takes a Shine to New Moon

Dakota Fanning, Rob Pattinson, Twilight Jason Merritt/Getty Images; Peter Sorel / Summit Entertainment

It's official: Dakota Fanning is sinking her teeth into New Moon.

Nearly two months after it leaked out that the actress was in negotiations to star in Twilight's would-be blockbuster sequel comes word that Fanning will indeed take on the role of the vampiric Jane in the next installment of the Stephenie Meyer franchise.

The deceptively angelic-looking and of course immortal Jane, a member of the ancient Italian clan of vampires known as the Volturi, enters the frame when Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his broody, squeal-inducing coif make their way over to Italy in the wake of...well, what can only be described as a spoiler alert.

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Rise 'n' Shine: Jennifer Aniston Preggers for the 7,000th Time

Jennifer Aniston Mike Marsland/Getty Images

A gazillionth magazine cover supposes that Jennifer Aniston is pregnant—a claim her rep denies. We're hearing this time it's with a test tube's tot and not John Mayer's. Someday, she'll actually be with child and we won't believe her.

• Suri Cruise paints ballet slippers, but she'd better stay on point because Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is nipping at her cute little heels.

In teen dream news, Dakota Fanning is totally in for New Moon, while HSM3's freshman Matt Prokop is totally out for HSM4.

In teen keep dreaming news, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are reportedly going to tie the knot in Hawaii in September.

Justin Timberlake is channeling Elvis Costello.

Dear Saturday Night Live: The Rock Obama? Comic Cathy vs. Jessica Biel Rabbit? Love it! Love, Rise 'n' Shine

It's a perfect day for a stroll through our Big Pic gallery with Michelle Williams 'n' Spike Jonze.

The Big Picture

All Growed Up Guess Zac has officially adopted the smoldering look, 'cause we haven't seen a smile in weeks

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