The big question here is, how will I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! sustain its evangelical fervor without Heidi and Spencer waxing holy every time one of them has some kind of disgraceful bodily emission? 

Actually, there's another big question: Which bachelor trying to win the Bachelorette's heart has already pledged himself to another? And why are some of these boys prettier than Jillian?

Let Mr. McHale attempt to answer these profound queries while bringing you the wondrous gift of laughter on a brand new Soup, Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Now that the tension bubble of American Idol has burst, we can start paying attention to the shows that matter.  And really, would you rather hear Kris Allen sing or listen to some guy named Tanner describe his unrelenting foot lust on The Bachelorette? And Adam Lambert's pipes have nothing on the gaggle of abuse-spewing skanks on Charm School. Plus, you have Joel McHale guiding you through it all instead of that fastidious Mr. Seacrest. Don't miss your full-size Soup tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

And for more bits of fun in all sizes, be sure to check out the Soup Blog's video gallery.

Once again, great big Joel McHale takes you on a small yet magical tour of tonight's Soup, and the first stop on the fun train is in Britney Spears land, where the latest version of her stage show includes a stage-jumping fan. Who is currently being promoted by Access Hollywood.

Then Tyra offers up the secret to her endearing humility, and we hook up with Donald Trump for a gripping discussion on the merits of pouched tuna. As in, tuna in pouches.  

Look for even more hot action this evening on a new Soup at 10 p.m. ET/PT. 

On The Hills, Heidi is shocked by old friends who, unlike her, are still normal humans. Then Entertainment Tonight breaks the engrossing story of Tom Cruise running after his daughter. (Does he still actually run? Can't he teleport himself using advanced Scientology techniques?) And finally, Isaac Mizrahi gushes about butter.

There's all this and more on a new Soup tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

And for more Soupy video goodness, click here. 

A spoonful of sugar may make the medicine go down, but a confection gone bad is going straight to hell. Joel McHale (with his new pit-boss look and magic trigger finger) cooks up the pain with The Last Cake Standing. And then, a youngster smarter than the talking heads on Today? Prepare to be stunned. Look for a new Soup Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Young comedy talent Joel McHale has a fresh batch of Soup coming right up, and look what's floating in that steamy broth: the oddly excitable Bruno on Dancing With the Stars, where even The Bachelor's recently dumped Melissa Rycroft apparently has reached star status; one-man freak show Dennis Rodman, who reveals a unique marketing plan built on transsexuals on Celebrity Apprentice; and finally, the ever-funny Ghost Whisperer—scary it ain't. Don't miss even more Soup this Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Utter confusion and rabid, scandalous entertainment collide within the animalistic confines of your Condensed Soup as Today's Kathie Lee Gifford segues from the revelation that a chimp once had a "big thing" for her to a sizzling, lez-is-more MILFy moment with Molly Sims.  

OK.

Now that you've had a moment to towel off, gird your ears for Paris Hilton's stupendously Caucasian take on rap for Snoop Dogg himself. Even more shocking nuggets await you on zesty new Soup this Friday night at 10 p.m. ET/PT, followed by the much-anticipated Soup Awards 2009. 

And as always, to tide you over until then, nosh on some tasty snacks in the Soup blog video gallery.

Enormous things come in small packages, which brings us to Jessica Simpson. Is her Rubenesque look here to stay, or will she cut back on ruben sandwiches? Slim, bewhiskered Joel McHale examines the stop-the-presses weight-gain story, and then drops in on Rock of Love Bus where the girls are dropping, quite literally. Finally, beware the wash of d-bag BF emotion on Tool Academy, where the tender gift of a bowling trophy makes up for comparing your lady to a blow-up doll. 

There's plenty more where this came from on a new Soup, Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT. Can't wait until then? There's always laughs o'plenty in the Soup Blog video gallery.

Once again, the confining boundaries of "condensed" are pushed to the max as the best-dressed unshaven television personality on the air, Joel McHale, takes you for a quick visit to self-awareness land in Bromance. Then, beware the stinging barbs and striking boobs (the girl in the green—are they really rectangular?) on Rock of Love Bus and the veil of tears in The Principal's Office. If you can handle any more—and of course this Obama nation can—tune in Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Until then, feast your eyes on our Soup Blog video gallery.

Renowned tease Joel McHale offers up a tempting sample of tonight's brand new Soup, and what a dangling carrot it is. Ghost Adventures' host Zak Bagans may not be afraid of haunts, but look what happens when the snakes come out to play. Then, on Stag: A Test of Love?no, it's not a bestiality competition?bimbos don't mix with boyfriends. Plus, there's a big ol' batch of big ol' butts in the Caribbean. Tune in at 10 p.m.?ET/PT for the full, sweet?payoff.

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It may be on the wee side, but your Condensed Soup still delivers maximum entertainment value with unique seduction advice from The Pickup Artist, the romance of choking on Cheaters and a trip to The Hills for a lesson in Nana respect. Catch a full serving of The Soup Friday night at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

And until then, take a slurp from our tasty Soup video gallery.

The claws are out on Rock of Love Charm School—where charm is pretty much the last thing the show is about—as the gals take a Breathalyzer test, which involves the job of blowing, which naturally opens up the rockin', lovin' humor floodgates. Plus, the last gasp of TRL, and one man's short-distance shout-out to mommy. All this and more on the astonishingly large Soup, Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Of course, to tide you over until then, check out what's new in the Soup's video pantry.