The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Why is everyone being so hard on Michael Lohan? Obviously leaking those voice mails to the tabloids isn't the best way to go about forcing your daughter to hit rock-bottom, but what else could he do? No other method worked to get her into rehab. Not saying I agree with it 100 percent but hey—leave no stone unturned, right? I say it just may be the push over the edge to get the help she needs. What say you?
—Nichole, Stamford, Conn.

Dear See Your Crazy and Raise You Crazier:
If Michael was really doing it in Lindsay's best interest, sure, I could see your point. But if he really cares he should go over to her house and force the girl into rehab.

Dear Ted:
Was Madonna a subject of a Blind Vice? And do you think Jesus will go Jewish for her?
—Mag

Dear Surprising One:
No, actually, the Queen is exempt. I think Jesus will do whatever the hell she tells him to. He's a sugar baby.

Dear Ted:
I have no doubt in my mind that Robsten is a real couple, and I was loving the hand-holding pics! But their timing for PDA is a little too perfect. I cannot picture Rob or Kristen agreeing to this, but please tell me the paps just got lucky and this was not set up by Summit or one of their reps?
—Sburrow

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By now we're sure many of you have watched, or heard about, the first part of Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer.

We've been giving Chris Brown a hard time for quite a while now (and still don't plan on letting him off the hook while he makes douchey moves), and even got a little pissy that Ri-Ri had stayed mum for so long.

But watching R talk about the assault back in February, we realized two important things:

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What's with Larry King being the go-to guy for badly behaving stars who supposedly wanna start over but who end up flat out lying? In his interview with King, Chris Brown claimed that he's never been a violent person and this whole sitch with Rihanna is a total shock to him. Then can Chris explain his two prior incidents of violence, according to a probation officer's report, including the one time he shoved Ri-Ri into a wall? Of course he can't. Who needs facts when you've got a flack's words whispered into your ear?

The lying's just as bad as Brown somehow trying to excuse his "wow" comments by saying he simply misspoke and does in fact remember what happened that night with Rihanna. 'Cause if he really talked about what happened that night, he might actually have to confront his bad behavior, as opposed to apologizing for some vague, nonspecific, forgettable act.

Before Brown, of course, there were other celebs who lied right into Larry King's camera...

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Superschmuck Chris Brown clearly can't get his mind off ex Rihanna. Last weekend he visited her fave tattoo joint, Bang Bang, and got inked by the very same dude who does Ri-Ri's tats. 

This comes right after Brown conveniently booked into the same NYC hotel at the same time as Rihanna. Coincidence?

Please.

No one in the world is that gullible, so their reps shouldn't even bother calling it such. Even if Ri-Ri knew beforehand he was staying there—even if she wanted him there—the people around both Ri and C.B. (and there are always people) should've nixed that plan immediately.

There are literally thousands of hotels and tattoo parlors in New York City, so why else would C.B. pick Rihanna's to snoop around in? Is Brown trying to aggressively mark his territory? As he so aggressively did last February?

It's like a big ef-you-I'll-go-where-I-please move that shows he can't be bossed around. Or is he just following (more like stalking) Rihanna as closely as his restraining order will allow? It's friggin' creepy, and Ri needs to seriously watch her back.

Oh, and now that Brown's a total embarrassment to the music biz, and Michael Jackson's gone for good, at least Whitney Houston has a realistic chance of saving the pop scene with her promising new album, I Look To You. Thank heavens for small musical miracles.

Johnny Nunez/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Sure, Michael Jackson hadn't released any new music in a long time. But that hardly matters when your old brilliance remains just as fab as the day it was released. Doubt much of the music on the radio today would have a shelf life near as long, right?

Which raises the question: Is there anyone out there now who's anywhere near touching Jackson's iconic status?

The moves, the look, the hits, the voice and even the backstage drama—M.J. had it all. (And even after his death, he's still got the drama.) On those terms, who might be the current King of Pop? Or should we let that phrase rest in peace along with M.J.?

A lot of you think we're being too hard on Chris Brown. Well, tough s--t, 'cause we still think C.B. has some serious growing up to do. Five months later, Brown has finally released an apology for beating up his then girlfriend Rihanna. Take ya long enough, Chris?

In the video above, Brown tells everyone that he's "truly sorry" for what happened back in February. He says it took him so long to say so because his lawyer told him not to say anything until after the trial was over. Uh, whatever. Be a man and apologize anyways—that is if you truly feel bad for what happened. Chris, who pled guilty to felony assault, should have told his legal team to ef off and gotten the message out to his fans and Rihanna, publicly.

While we're glad C.B. takes full responsibility in the video, saying he won't make any excuses for what went down, we think this whole apology stunt reeks of Team Brown trying to salvage whatever career he has left. He even stumbles through his way overrehearsed lines in the beginning. Think he even wrote the damn speech?

Chris says: "I'll do everything in my power to make sure it will never happen again." Screw that! Just say it will never happen again, ass wipe. Period. And speak from the heart. Better luck next interview.

Brad Barkel/Getty Images; Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Ted, chill. If I were Kate Gosselin, I would probably just slit my throat, especially if I had eight kids. And as far as spanking the little one, she popped her on the bottom. My spankings were with a flyswatter! You used to be really cool. Not liking this new Ted. Love celebrity gossip but not rudely presented. You are too nice to act like this.
—B

Dear Hanky-Spanky:
Since when have I ever wanted to be considered nice? Also, it looks like you've got a bigger problem than defending a reality-TV mom!

Dear Ted:
How pathetic is it that Chris Brown beats his girlfriend nearly to death and gets nothing but probation and some community service?! I just don't get it. Let's see, people are supposed to believe that homosexuality is an awful sin, but it's OK to beat your partner to a bloody pulp? Will our society ever figure out what is really important and how to set a good example?
—Jill, Pa.

Dear Wrist Slap:
Kinda comparing apples and wife beaters there in the first part, but as far as the second part's concerned: It won't be today, and it won't be tomorrow, but maybe the day after tomorrow?

Dear Ted:
I understand and appreciate that domestic violence is seriously wrong, but why is everyone still lambasting and boycotting Chris Brown when Phil Spector's music is still being freely aired? Don't you think it's slightly hypocritical to shun the man who hits his girlfriend but virtually ignore a man who was tried and convicted of murder?
—Molly

Dear Not the Same:
Phil's work was behind the scenes, so it's easy to focus on the singer of a Spector song and ignore his work completely. C.B. can't be avoided as he's his own brand and (unfortunately) the main selling point of any album or tune he puts out.

Dear Ted:
I really don't understand the hate against Megan Fox. Only because she supposedly "hooked up" with Robert Pattinson doesn't mean she's a bad person. I'm a straight, happily married woman, and I even find Megan Fox attractive! The Robsten fans really need to stop hating on her just because she called Rob "ridiculously attractive." She is cool, and no, does not look like a Bratz doll.
—Jenna

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Too little too late, Chris Brown? You decide. We ran into the gorgeous and gracious Teairra Mari at the BET Awards on Sunday and had to chat up the babe about her notorious close bud Chris B. The two singers were up-and-comers around the same time, so we wanted to know if Teairra has had the chance to talk to Brown about the horrendous Rihanna attack and see what the hell is really going on with the handsome, cocky musician.

"He's sorry," Teairra tells the A.T. "That's my friend, and I love Chris. He's a good kid—he just made a mistake. He knows that and feels terrible about it."

Sure, but how are his fans going to know he's actually sorry and be able forgive him?

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Update: Jive Records, Chris' label, confirms this is not his next single: "There are no 'new' songs from Chris Brown currently being promoted by Chris or his record label. There are several old demos circulating that are being falsely promoted as new material from Chris."

Figured.
______

Chris Brown's rumored new single, "Not My Fault," is supposedly hitting the radio tomorrow. What a friggin' title, huh?

Although, must preface, don't have total confirmation that this was written after the Rihanna situation, but either way, this kid has some balls to release a track with that name as his "comeback".

Take a listen to the song (unconfirmed, but most likely Brown's). It's about a singer who accidentally breaks his girlfriend's heart. Jeez, nothing about punching "her" in the face? Lyrics specifically like, "I picked up the paper and the headline reads/ It says a singer brokenhearted..." and "She's caught up/ That's not my fault, right."

And for what it's worth, we think the track sucks. What about you?

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So much for the Phil Spector-set precedent of guilty celebrities getting what they fully deserve. Chris Brown gets to beat up Rihanna, allegedly almost choking her to suffocation and leaving her to fend for herself, and all the schmuck gets is community service and probation? Oh, and he's gotta go through an anti-domestic violence program, like he won't be texting his buddies all through class, if he shows up at all.

C.B.'s wrist slap of a punishment is sending a horrible message to all the lowlifes out there: Turns out, you can savagely beat up your significant other in exchange for some community service—don't worry about any jail time if you're a celebrity. There are a lot of freaks in the world who would gladly pay that price to be able to assault their girlfriends that way. This light sentencing is a huge disrespect to every abused woman out there.

What I'm even more pissed about is Rihanna making it all the way to the courtroom and she didn't get to testify against her attacker. Ri-Ri's side still remains unheard to this day, and I doubt we ever will hear it. What's it gonna take for her to finally open up and share her experience so anything this vicious doesn't happen again—to others or to her? Don't pretend like it never happened, Ri, 'cause we here at the A.T. sure aren't.

Phillip Massey/Getty Images

Chris Brown hits the Jet Ski and parties with a new chick and his buds! Rihanna moves on and goes clubbing with the girls and plans a fab gig in Dubai!

Jeez. How appropriate is it that Rihanna's stepping out professionally again—at least, for the first time—in the same dubious luxe land Michael Jackson adopted a while back?

This whole horrible scene is just getting really creepy, chilling and just plain wrong. Women and men are beaten ruthlessly by their partners at an alarmingly frequent rate around this country—and around the world.

Rihanna's continued silence over it all and Brown's totally unsatisfactory comments around the matter just reek of the two stars wanting it to go away.

Guess what? Too late. Rihanna's bruised, cut and tortured face is an image we all live with every time these two celebs' names come up. It's way overdue for some answers here, Rihanna. Otherwise, you're just telling other victims to keep quiet.

Jamie McCarthey/WireImage.com

Tons of young celebs are being perhaps misguided, not by frenemies, but by those absolutely closest to them: their moms and pops. Beauty pageant mothers get a bad rap (some deservedly so), when really, the majority of overbearing shady ‘rents have settled right in this delicious T-town of ours.

There are the obvious choices, natch, like Dina Lohan for L.A.’s worst mentoring case, but she’s hardly the first one to come along and selfishly turn a blind eye to her kid’s problems. Nope, momagers (and the occasional dad, too) have been around for ages. Check 'em out in the gallery below, in no particular order, except we saved the worst for last.

Meet Hollywood’s highly suspicious gene pool.

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