The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Can we take a break from the teenage heartthrobs for a bit so I can inquire about a serious actor? One of my faves actually...Benicio del Toro. Ever been a B.V.? Any dirt? I realize he's not the young star du jour (hello R.Pattz) but he's an Academy Award winner and talent is still sexy...right? Thanks!
—Charlotte 

Dear Old School:
Yes, the muy talented Oscar winner is not only a Blind Vice alum, he's also a notorious worshipper of supersexy chicks who wear ever more superhigh stilettos! What is about high heels that turn straight guys on so much? Do they secretly want to wear them? 

Dear Ted:
So first, I wanted to congratulate you for your column, I check it every day. I don't know if this has been asked before but is Toothy Tile Chace Crawford? Because he kinda has the gay vibe going on, doesn't he?
—M_adriana

Dear Chace-ing for T.T.:
Wrong vice for Chacey!

Dear Ted:
I noticed that some of the gossip sites have picked up on the comments made by K.Stew about "I'm with him, I'm not with him, I'm a lesbian"...implying that she is, in fact gay. Do you think she will have to fess up one way or the other? Will Summit wring her neck for that statement? The suits must be s--ting a blue bean. By the way, you seem happier, I am happy for you.
—Sally 

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Dear Ted:
What happened to Skarswood? No new pics, no sightings? Publicity stunt, I think.
—Marg

Dear Skarswood in Denial:
Especially if Kate Bosworth has her way, huh? Tricky one, that babe.

Dear Ted:
Not enough alcohol in the world to get Robert Pattinson to guest-host SNL. He'd collapse into one million little pieces.
—Jennifer K

Dear Pattz Doubter:
What, no faith in our boy Rob? If Zac Efron can hold his own, we have no doubt R.Pattz can, too. Rob's a joker behind the scenes; he can figure it out.

Dear Ted:
For a gay man, you can be a boorish tool at times. What do you think you accomplished by calling out Rachel McAdams and her "too mature," sad face? I know you're L.A. and Mr. West Hollywood, but the whole world is not nearly as facile as people in those geographical locations. Maybe she needs to be out and about even as she's in pain. We all have our way of working through the pain of a breakup. Whatever way she chooses, I can assure you that calling her out in your column ain't helping her nor giving her the support she needs. Empathy is what's needed here...not grooming and hair tips. Ugh!
—Keetz

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Dear Ted:
Will the Gosselins ever go away? It's obvious that Jon is more interested in how he despises his ex more than tending to his children. I wish Jon and Kate would stop seeking validation from the public and start focusing on their own children instead. It's sad.
—Roxy

Dear Gagged by Gosselins:
Oh honey, I'm so over them and their ridiculous ways. Those poor kids are going to have more problems than Lindsay and Paris combined. I mean, like anybody's concerned about them at this point.

Dear Ted:
I know how you feel about Robsten, and I agree we will never get a PDAish confirmation. I'm just wondering if you agree with me that it would probably make everyone's lives a lot easier (including the fans') if they just made a small gesture. Hand-holding, arms around one another, a documented romantic glance or smile? In my opinion, avoiding any and all of this stuff is just more obvious, building rumor and speculation, and making it 10 times worse for all involved. So, what's your opinion on the subtle romantic advance?
—Love games

Dear Not So Subtle:
Rob and Kristen have been doing the coy love glances for eons now. So the small gesture needs to be grander than that. Much.

Dear Ted:
With all the talk about beards lately, I was wondering why Perez has been calling women on his site beards? Is he trying to out the Blind Vices you create?
—Jules

Dear Pish Posh:
Who?

Dear Ted:
It's kinda nice you and countless other virtual fans out there want Robsten to be together. The majority of us don't know these two personally, yet we feel protective of them and want the best for them. Do you recall any celebrity couple that fans have felt this strongly about before?
—Gabby

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Dear Awful Truth:
The Blind Vice picture always reminds me of Chace Crawford and Taylor Momsen. Is there anything going on between them? Oh, and if Summit is really the diabolical studio that you make it out to be, isn't it possible that the suits really don't care about Robsten but are pretending to so their antics will end up in the media and in turn promote the movie even more? That's a pretty genius marketing campaign.
—dstack18

Dear Nice Vices:
You are the diabolical one! That's some evil genius plot worthy of Lex Luther and the Joker right there, which means it's total fiction, unfortunately. Same as anything going on between that particular Gossip gal and guy, though now that you've called out the similarities with our B.V. pic, we sorta wish there were! (When Tay's of legal age, 'course.)

Dear Awful Truth:
Everyone has been expressing strong disappointment with this new Bella wig they are using on Kristen Stewart for Eclipse. I have heard a lot of people say they are making their complaints known. Do you think Summit will change things up or decide to work with a new wig...maybe extensions? Since when has Summit ever listened, right? Also, some reports claim Robsten will truly go official, confirmation and all, after New Moon comes out. Is there any truth to this?
—Time will tell

Dear Hair Plugs:
We get all the fuss over Robsten, what with the whole star-crossed love affair thing and dastardly forces driving them apart, and other romance novel drama. But major drama over a damn wig? It will look fine on camera. Calm down. The franchise isn't in jeopardy because of a haircut. And I wouldn't bet on New Moon being a good countdown to a Robsten confirmation, sorry. Try after Breaking Dawn!

Dear Awful Truth:
Is there any truth to the rumor that Nicole Kidman has "abandoned" her adopted kids. Or is it more along the lines of Tom Cruise keeping her away from them?
—Martin

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Summit Entertainment, DZILLA/bauergriffinonline.com

Ted Casablanca is traveling this week and mail is being tackled by Team Awful—so try us!

Dear Awful Truth:
Do me a favor. Have you seen recent pictures of Kristen Stewart and her new wig? Please tell Deep Twi that Summit must have enough money to get the girl a decent wig—it looks terrible! Take a look at the pictures yourself! These kids are the toast of Hollywood and they can't get her hair right?
—Ckonelli

Dear Hair Affair:
Maybe it's Summit giving K.Stew the proverbial bitch-slap after she and Rob had their major-exposure weekend in L.A. a few weeks ago. She disobeys their rules, and they in turn give her an uglyass wig. Fair?

Dear Awful Truth:
I read about that dinner without Kristen Stewart, and after, I read about Rob's anger because of some text messages from Kristen's ex. And yes, this happens, but I'm a little concerned about this because it affects their relationship, and OK, I don't like to think about our Rob suffering. Sue me.
—Moonlight

Dear Claustrophobic in Vancouver:
There's nothing to worry about, yet. That dinner was totally blown out of proportion, trust. Not something worth freaking out over.

Dear Awful Truth:
I'm trying to figure out if this gossip is true so I figured I'd ask the expert. How many actresses from One Tree Hill are beards? Do you know if there are any actresses from One Tree Hill who may be in need of a beard of their own?
—Colleen

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Good thing Twilight vixen-hon Ashley Greene's neck wasn't thrown out in Vancouver while shooting Eclipse last week: She was spotted locking lips with Chace Crawford this morning in the back of her limo as she made her way to LAX. We ran into Ash yesterday at the Teen Choice Awards and she told us her body has been taking quite the beating up north.

"Eclipse is going to be great," Miss Greene eagerly exclaimed to us. "So far we've been doing lots of fight training and lots of stunt training. My body is kind of in shambles, but it has been fun."

By the looks of things Ashley wasn't in too much pain to let it keep her from a morning-after smoochfest with Chace, though. This girl is a man-handler, and we love it.

So are she and C.C. going to take it to the next level? Maybe he saw something he liked with those nude pics that were cruelly leaked earlier today...

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Tannis Toohey/Toronto Star/ZUMAPRess.com

So…People named Chace Crawford its Hottest Bachelor. Give us a girlie-looking break! People is really on our sh-t list right now. All they focus on anymore is the "hotness" that is Gyllenspoon coffee breaks, and now—for an issue that has the chance to completely ooze with sex—they pick a frontman who is so dang pretty and boring, there's nothing steaming about him. Where's Chace's string of lady conquests, à la George Clooney? Isn't that what a bachelor is supposed to be—handsome, delicious and out of your league?

This mag used to get it right, pre the media-mainstream Matthew McConaughey days, picking the likes of Johnny Depp, Jude Law and young Brad Pitt to grace its covers. Those were real men.

So leave it to the A.T. to take over Stud Watch for the summer. Our pick for the Bachelor title?

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AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

"I've worked with Miley before, and I think she's amazingly talented. I've seen a lot of girls come in and screen test, but I haven't seen Miley audition…yet."

—Footloose director Kenny Ortega on those whispers that Miley Cyrus will be Chace Crawford's leading lady in the remake. That doesn't make us too sad. We feel a bit on Disney overload, so we'd love to see it go to Dancing With the Stars cutie Julianne Hough. Just please not Hayden Panettiere. That girl brings nothing to the table.

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Dear Ted:
I love your site, it never fails to brighten my day. Please will you tell me whether Emile Hirsch is our beloved Toothy Tile, and Kellan Lutz is Nevis Devine?
—J

Dear Too Suspicious:
Something rub you the wrong way 'bout those two babes? Close, physically (but not at all emotionally) on the first, and just completely way off—in every regard—on the latter. Nevis isn't exactly hugely hump-worthy on sight, like Kellan.

Dear Ted:
You have cleared up the rumors about Nikki and Kristen's relationship being nothing more than friendship, but you did hint maybe Nikki had a crush on Kristen. Now you have made it obvious Nikki Reed and her management would appreciate the false rumors about her and Rob being spread. So, Ted, my wonderful gossip amigo, what are you hinting at about Nikki Reed? Could she be going à la Lohan anytime soon?
—Jademarbell

Dear Living Reed:
Hardly, Nikki is much smarter than L.L. 

Dear Ted:
Nevis Devine has got to be Chace Crawford.
—Orchidscent

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Kevin Parry/WireImage.com

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford, painting the town fuchsia at New York hot spot Thompson LES. The Gossip guys have become regulars at the posh Lower East Side hotel's private terrace bar, Above Allen.

Guess Eddie needed a change from being swanked by the gays at his fave cabaret club. The dreamy-eyed duo drank cocktails all night, no chicks in sight. Love how buddy-buddy these boys are off the set—wouldn't be surprised one bit if something worthy of a Gossip Girl storyline happened between Ed and Chace in the dimly lit bar. Would you?

Enjoying her own indulgences was...

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Kevin Mazur/VF/Getty Images

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer may not have been attached at the hip all night Sunday. But the two darling lovebirds def looked like a real couple, complete with Revolutionary Road-style feisty jealousy, at the Vanity Fair party.

Mayer was taking a pic with some attractive babes, and Aniston was all but pleased about sharing her main man. After the gushy photo-sesh, J.A. was overheard at the bar telling John, "What are you doing? Do you know them?"

Meow, way to crack that whip, girl! You really don't want to be lassoed down with any dude, admit it. Another cougar at VF looking quite smashing was…

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Alexander Tamargo/Getty Images for ESPN the Magazine

Valentine's weekend was a rocky one for some of the celeb couples that we told you should break up. Despite Linds and SamRon having a screaming fit on the streets of NYC, Life & Style is reporting that Lezhan did not end up intertwined in the legs of Chace Crawford that night.

Rather, she went over there at 6 a.m. simply because they're "friends." And now the girls are happy together back in L.A. Ugh, we're so sick of this blow up-reconcile routine. Are you?