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Why Does John Stamos Gotta Lie? Madonna, Too!
Fame Pictures
Why did John Stamos bother to lie about being drunk on a talk show when it was so obvious he was? And now he's confessed—why lie if you're just going to get caught?
—Cotton, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Come now. The stars, they already give us so much—sharing their mama's Cuban chicken recipe with Us Weekly and telling us that they're wearing Galliano on the red carpet. Can't a star manipulate people in peace without you greedy fans always asking for more, more, more?
I mean it's not like stars lie about everything, just every aspect of their lives—including whoppers such as...
Do Celeb Do-Gooders Actually Do Any, Uh, Good?
UNHCR/ S. Malkawi
Yet another star, Mia Farrow, has spoken out for poor people. Does that translate into dollars or just "awareness"?
—Haro, Wisconsin
I love awareness. Such a fine cause, that. Between Angelina Jolie and the refugees (sounds like a Tom Petty cover band, don't it?), Brad Pitt and his work in New Orleans, Mia Farrow and the kids from Gaza, and Orlando Bloom, who recently signed on to help out UNICEF...I just feel so much more aware!
Like, every single second!
But are the stars achieving anything else for the needy? Like, say, money? Depends on one thing...
How Can I Tell If a Celeb Breakup Is for Real?
Flynet
I read that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are supposed to be on the rocks. But the tabloids say that about every couple. How can I tell what's real?
—Jenni, via the Answer B!tch inbox
For this answer I have turned to my bitter Twitter archnemesis Ted Casablanca, who wages a daily siege against me and my innocent B!tchlettes in poisonous stealth bombs of 140 characters or less. He has great secrets on how to tell whether celebrities are lying about their breakup status.
Curious about Jessica and Justin, Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy, all of whom have had their couplehood questioned of late?
Here's all you need to know...
Is It Weird for Shiloh to Lose a Tooth at Age 3?
Flynetonline.com
Why is little Shiloh losing her teeth when she's only 3? I can see why Pax is, but not Shiloh.
—MamaMe, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have not—shocker!—issued a press release answering questions raised by photos of their daughter Shiloh Nouvel's gappy smile this week. But according to pediatricians, the front tooth loss experienced by 5-year-old Pax is within the scope of normal, but 3-year-olds? Not so much, I'm told.
It is explainable, just not common. So what's going on inside the Jolie-Pitt household? Read on, and decide for yourself...
Does Angelina Hate Sharing a Red Carpet With Paris?
Jeff Vespa/Getty Images, Eric Ryan/Getty Images
I saw Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the same red carpet as Paris Hilton and what's-his-name at the Cannes festival. Do actors who make a living actually working get upset when media whores show up on their red carpet? I would.
—AbsoluteEJJ, via the Answer B!tch inbox
We're talking about France, dear. Cannes, if you haven't heard, is a lawless and cruel wasteland when it comes to observations of an American star's rank. At that film fest, people who teeter on the edges of America's C-list are mobbed as frenetically as Will Smith or Johnny Depp—or Brangelina.
In short: Cannes ain't America. And the rules of common decency—and common sense—have been tossed out of la fenêtre.
"Here, people may think Paris Hilton is a crackhead, but in Europe and the rest of the world, she's a megastar," veteran publicist Eileen Colavita explains. "Paris is like the Beatles over there."
Yes. Really. Now let's talk about American red carpets. At least one erstwhile A-lister has been known to get very grabby about her time on the red carpet...
Can Angelina's Bodyguard Get Away With Telling All?
BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM
Brangelina's looking to squash a bodyguard's tell-all, but with Hollywood confidentiality contracts, what makes former employees think they can get away with spilling dirt?
—SSR
Greed? Naïveté? Something in between? Naïvetreed? For a split second, elbow-throwin' bodyguard Mickey Brett apparently was poised to write a tell-all on Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and other Hollywood royalty.
Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Sylvester Stallone and Richard Gere—great day in the mornin'! Would no star be spared?
When Brangelina attorney-slash-pit bull Marty Singer padded into the fray, he claimed that Brett had signed a nondisclosure agreement, and we haven't heard word one from Brett since. NDAs are powerful magic, but they do have weaknesses...
Podcast: Can an Academy Award Vote Ever Be a Tie?
George Pimentel/Getty Images
Can an Academy Award vote result in a tie?
—Camille
Ties have occurred in Oscar history five times. None of them involving Brad Pitt or Mickey Rourke, but sure, could happen.
I explain fully in the new podcast (above), in which I absolutely destroy your burning questions about how Hollywood works. And get to the bottom of this Oscar-tie nonsense.
Hit play above to listen, and be sure to subscribe on iTunes so you never miss an episode.
Why Won't BrangelAniston Just Go Away?
Us Weekly
Another week, another slew of magazine covers about that Brangelina-Jen thing. Why does the media keep harping on it? I'm bored.
—Alina, New York
No, you're not. How do I know? Because readers like you cannot stop buying magazines with BrangelAniston on the cover. Jennifer Aniston, that poor, dumped cheerleader, was the top-selling cover face of the first half of 2007, according to Forbes. And since then she has continued to make the media plenty of cash every time she opens her reedy little nonexistent lips.
"Jennifer Aniston's first tell-all, after her divorce, remains Vanity Fair's best-selling issue ever," says Matt Donnelly, a wayward B!tchling of mine who has since fled to the website Celebuzz.com. And according to former Life & Style editor Mark Pasetsky, now the head of CoverAwards.com, "This story is still a solid sell for celebrity weeklies."
As for what stygian force continues to pin us to this story, it should be obvious...
How Do Angelina & Co. Get All Over the World?
RAMEY PHOTO
How do stars like Angelina Jolie and her brood travel the world? Do they fly commercial? Is there any chance of me sitting next to her while little Pax or Shiloh kicks the back of my seat?
—Julie
You just earned a snicker from Gary Mansour, who through several businesses arranges private travel for A-list talent.
"Only," Mansour responds, "if you're spending a quarter million and flying in a Gulfstream" will you likely run into the Jolie-Pitts at 40,000 feet.
Yes, A-listers fly commercial sometimes; Brad Pitt was escorted through security at Chicago's O'Hare airport last year before flying commercial out of there, for example. But "at that level, A-list stars are flying privately as much as possible," Mansour says. How much does it cost? Well...
A-List Secrets: How Stars Move Their Stuff
Lester Cohen/WireImage.com
So Brangelina has moved to France and Larry Birkhead bought a house in Kentucky. How can they pack their houses up without the paparazzi looking through their stuff?
—Laird, Birmingham, Ala.
Oh, please. It's easy, son! When it comes to moving while famous, celebrities simply hire an A-list schlepping company. It's just like your own mover, except totally not. Unless your mover can...
A-List Secrets: How Brad, Jessica and Mariah Fly
Fame Pictures Inc
Do celebrities all fly on private jets, or are those too expensive? If they fly commercial, do they get special treatment?
—Shanna, Reno
You mean when Brad Pitt flies commercial, does he get extra peanuts and free, tiny bottles of Wild Turkey? He's Brad Pitt. When he flies commercial—and he has—he gets much, much more than that.
Most A-listers prefer the hassle-free trips that only private jets can provide. But really, it varies, depending on the level of the star, the reason for the trip and the type of flight—either domestic, which tends to involve more private jets, or international, which gets more expensive and hogs more fuel, spurring many stars to opt for first-class commercial travel instead.
Some more deets—plus one glitzy tip you might be able to use—inside:
Why is Brangelina Really Moving to France?
James Devaney/WireImage.com
How come Angelina Jolie got a place in France? Doesn't she usually go to New Orleans or Third World countries?
—Alek, Brussels
The British Sun has reported that La Jolie would like to raise her new child in France to honor her late French-Canadian mother. What the Sun maybe forgot to report is that France is not in Canada. That fact has led your Answer B!tch toward a different theory, one that involves flattening the paparazzi.
Listen.
The last time Jolie gave birth, she flew to a country so restrictive that no paparazzo was allowed to leave Namibia without a jackboot firmly installed in his bunghole. Anyone who dared to snap the pregnant actress risked deportation or jail.
Now, it seems, Jolie is pregnant again. And it so happens that the privacy laws in France are almost as tight as Namibia's.
French law is kind of murky when it comes to celebrity photography, but in general, it goes like this: No snapping a star, even in public, and then selling it in France without the celeb's say-so. And photos of celebrity kids? Forget it. Their faces are tiled out completely in magazines, unless the parent says otherwise.
That isn't to say that France isn't rife with paparazzi. It has them. In fact, French paparazzi are respected in the industry as being some of the best in the business. But the laws there being what they are, many photographers there are cautious.
And paparazzi in France have been punished for breaking the privacy laws. In 2006, three snappers were convicted of breaching those very laws when they took pictures of Princess Diana and her boyfriend on the night they died. They got a symbolic fine of 1 euro, but still. They got nailed.
"I would have second thoughts on taking any pictures there until the law is defined," says Brad Elterman of BuzzFoto.com. "I would think twice."
He continues: "You will never have a situation in France like you have had with, say, Britney Spears. A few paparazzi? Maybe. But a train of 30 cars following someone? The French are never going to tolerate that. They would find it incredibly vulgar."
As vulgar as a Namibian jackboot up one's bunghole? Mais, bien sûr!
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