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Dear Ted:
Give me the awful truth on Beyoncé. Something tells me she is not the humble and loving person she claims to be. I'm thinking she is really just as bitchy as J.Lo. Is her marriage to Jay-Z going to last?
—The Queen

Dear Bitchoncé:
Is B a diva? Hell yes. But she does have the right to be—honestly, I find her to be shockingly kind of nice. For a superstar.

Dear Ted:
I have been following "The Awful Truth" for quite some time now and am a huge fan of you and, of course, Robsten. I have to tell you how concerned and disturbed I am by the recent tenor of the posters. Such hate and venom and downright creepiness (almost borderline stalking)! Everything from when R.P. and K.S. lost their virginity, to their alleged drug usage, to questions about their sexual orientation are fair game. And if someone doesn't agree with another's opinion, the name-calling and crude comments are unbelievable. I know you can't control what your readers post, but maybe you could ask them to tone it down.
—Annie

Dear What Would Robsten Do:
Hear hear! Let's keep the message boards a totally fun escape for readers out there.

Dear Ted:
I find it incredibly absurd that Jennifer's Body is not doing so hot at the box office! I mean, pretty much every idiot male, teens and older, gushes about how they'd pick a "fantasy situation" involving Megan Fox, yet they have no interest in her actually (wanting to) act in a movie that doesn't exploit or degrade women! I admit, I thought Megan Fox was actually one-note and pretty slutty, but the way she handles interviews truthfully shows us that she's self-aware on how assy her performance and everything else in Transformers [is] complete garbage. She's not that "no-talent slutbag from the Maxim covers" anymore. She's actually a modern celebrity feminist! Oops, did I have a question?
—Lucy

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Dear Ted:
Am I the only one that thinks the Taylor Swift-Kanye West fiasco is ridiculous? It's not like she was accepting the Grammy for Best New Artist! It's a VMA—the cable equivalent of a People's Choice Award! Is anyone shocked that Kanye is a tool? No. But what really pisses me off is the uninvolved, irrelevant "celebrities" who are taking to their blogs, twitters, talk shows etc. to condemn Kanye just at the moment they have projects to promote (ahem, Pink). Besides, I think Kanye is just still upset that he's a big, gay fish.
—Miranda

Dear Team Kanye:
You really think Pink called Kanye a piece of merde so you'd go see her on tour or something? She's actually talented (as if her high-flying VMA performance didn't showcase than enough)—she doesn't need manipulative tweets just to get you to notice her. And the VMAs might not mean anything to you or some other celebs, but winning her first Moon Man was an important moment to teenager Taylor who prolly grew up watching VMAs.

Dear Ted:
I wasn't exactly surprised to hear that Megan Fox is actually dumb and talentless, but I was a little shocked to read the letter from the members of the Transformers crew. She seems like an awful person! Do you think this will hurt her career?
—Skyler

Dear Believe What You Read:
Fab question, which we'll be addressing in length a little later today. Does it shock me that Megan is supposedly difficult to work with? Absolutely not. She's an actress—many have a sense of entitlement and are extremely divalicioius behind the scenes. But I also couldn't help feeling that whoever wrote the letter had a score to settle, like it was written by either guys who couldn't get a second glance from Meg or girls who want to be her. Ya feel me?

Dear Ted:
Do Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed like Ashley Greene? You never see them together. And why is it that the vampire part of the cast never hangs out with the "human" side?
—theburns

Dear Twilight Clique:
We've told ya for some time that not all the girls in the cast are BFFs with each other. They all get along just fine—but I would say Ash is closer with Kellan Lutz than with Nikki or Kristen. As for the last part of your question, what do you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen are doing?

Dear Ted:
How's Nevis Divine and Miss Costar's current relationship status?
—J-Rod

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Frank Micelotta/Getty Images, Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

If you'd asked us a while ago who's the bigger diva-like be-yotch, Beyoncé or Tyra Banks, we might have had to pause and think. Well, not anymore! We got fan reports from the BET Awards that totally prove Tyra needs a 'tude check, like ASAP.

When yelled at by some straggling gawkers, Beyoncé took the time to wave and talk to some fans around the Shrine Auditorium in downtown L.A., where the award show took place. B, looking mucho Sasha Fierce, would wave, smile and say hi wherever yelling crowds tried to get her attention. She even stopped to pose for pics, on and off the carpet. Hell, even Kanye West did too—and that says a lot when talking about big egos.

So what did Miss Banks do?

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Michael Yada/ABC

Dear Ted:
I'm tired of seeing Beyoncé in all those lame commercials. Two questions: Is she really that effective as a pitch person, and if she thought the commercial was idiotic could she refuse to shoot until they developed a better campaign?
—Eileen

Dear Overexposed:
This be-yotch made $80 million last year! I think she could refuse if she wanted to. Also, I think she's fab. We need more divas who actually have talent in this Biz, not less.

Dear Ted:
You're an idiot! Bon Jovi irrelevant? Hardly. The greatest rock 'n' roll band in history continues to appeal to the masses. Great dudes, great music, everything is awesome. Look, someone has to protect their brand and their name. This was not a stupid move. Now why don't you go ahead and blow your karaoke machine.
—Blondeon

Dear Richie:
The greatest rock 'n' roll band in history? What are you smoking?

Dear Ted:
How much do I detest the Twilight cast gossip that you insist on gagging us with in heaping spoonfuls? Please stop wasting our time on those poseurs and stick to the Blind Vices that you do so well. Now, Usher is Oded Good-Head, right?
—Buleemia

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Jamie McCarthey/WireImage.com

Tons of young celebs are being perhaps misguided, not by frenemies, but by those absolutely closest to them: their moms and pops. Beauty pageant mothers get a bad rap (some deservedly so), when really, the majority of overbearing shady ‘rents have settled right in this delicious T-town of ours.

There are the obvious choices, natch, like Dina Lohan for L.A.’s worst mentoring case, but she’s hardly the first one to come along and selfishly turn a blind eye to her kid’s problems. Nope, momagers (and the occasional dad, too) have been around for ages. Check 'em out in the gallery below, in no particular order, except we saved the worst for last.

Meet Hollywood’s highly suspicious gene pool.

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"It's a compliment that someone thinks you do something well, but damn I don't wanna be another wife!"

—Sassed the regal Regina King, on being typecast in the same supportive spouse roles over and over. Beyoncé's stealing all your meaty parts, babe! And she doesn't know what the ef she's doing when she gets 'em

AP Photo/Alex Brandon

"I think [Beyoncé] was honoring Etta! To sing her song, especially now as big as Beyoncé is, for her to sing any song, that person should be honored. She brought Etta's song back into the spotlight!"

—Grammy-nominated singer Colby O'Donis on whether a furious Etta James should really kick Beyoncé's butt over having belting out James' trademark hit, "At Last," at Obama's Inauguration.

Newlyweds Beyoncé and Jay-Z are obviously not feeling a dent to their nicely lined bank accounts like the rest of the country—the power couple smacked down $70k on a new dining room table.

No, not a new dining room—just the friggin' table, a hideous piece of furniture that belongs back on the tree it came from, not in someone's living quarters. Seventy grand? You could buy the entire contents of IKEA with that. Why doesn't architecture hobbyist Brad Pitt help the couple decorate—B.P.'s been known to plunk down endless amounts of his hard-earned money on fugly fine-art furniture, too—just looks so much better. Oh, and which we're certain won't get utterly ruined with six kids all under the age of seven running around.

OK, Mr. and Mrs. Z, you're rich. We knew that. But if you're gonna choose such an unsightly table, ya think ya could have picked one that could have fit in the service elevator, instead of flaunting your luxury all over the neighborhood with a crane? Nice. The jobless all over New Yawk are so grateful.

—Additional sass by Becky Bain