Movie Reviews

Review in a Hurry:  Troubled spouses Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale get some serious psychotherapy (emphasis on "psycho") when they spend the night at Bates, er, Pinewood Motel, where unsuspecting guests star in snuff films. Someone should've snuffed out all the clichés in this film.

The Bigger Picture:  The pretty couple checks in—but will they ever check out? More importantly, you should avoid checking out director Nimród Antal's derivative thriller, with a plot that has more vacancies than its hotel of horrors.

Wilson and estranged wife Beckinsale get lost after taking a back-road shortcut off the highway. Mistake! Of course, their car breaks down, it's the middle of the night, there's no cell phone reception, and they rent a room from creepy hotel manager Frank Whaley. (Have these people never seen a slasher movie? They'd be better off sleeping in the car and risking attack by a lunatic with a hook-hand!)

Once in their seedy "suite," Wilson discovers videotapes of brutal murders that have been committed in their room! And the calls are coming from inside your house! Oops, different movie…

Realizing they're next on the sadists' video hit list, the divorcées-to-be have to stop bickering and figure a way out of the trap. Will they survive? Will they reconcile? What do you think? Sheez, there's even the requisite dead son that has contributed to their relationship rift, one that this bloody mess will certainly heal.

Expect no surprises here and, worse, no cleverness. Everyone onscreen is basically a pawn in this tired and witless game of cat and mouse. And though Antal has fun with his claustrophobic sets and distorted close-ups, his action sequences prove disappointing—especially the confusingly choreographed chase through underground tunnels.

Don't you make a wrong turn and end up at this Vacancy.