Hot-buttered opinion on the latest flicks

The Hitcher

Thu., Jan. 18, 2007 4:19 PM PST by Alex Markerson

Sean Bean stars as the psychotic stranger without candy in this Hitcher, a remake of the 1986 cult horror flick about a road-tripping couple terrorized and framed by the seemingly unstoppable hitchhiker.

This is yet another cheap, unnecessary Michael Bay-produced retrofit of a minor classic. Unfortunately, it has little of the intensity, craft or gory ingenuity that made the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre watchable. Music-video director Dave Meyer has no eye for the wide-open Southwestern setting, making even the road scenes curiously claustrophobic, and the abbreviated pacing never allows any real tension to develop.

Apart from putting Bean in the Rutger Hauer role, the casting is uninspired, and Bean's considerable malevolent charm is wasted by the thin, unmemorable script. Since he has nothing interesting to say, and most of his atrocities happen offscreen, he's reduced to a murderous (and murderously dull and silly) presence. Considering the ease and frequency with which he kills, he might as well have superpowers, but the ability to suspend our disbelief is not one of them.

The original Hitcher has its flaws, but it's at least intriguing. This one is just a hundred miles of bad road. Maybe not quite bad enough to walk out of, but if someone offered you a ride...