Movie Reviews

When did vacations become so scary? In the year of Hostel, Wolf Creek and The Descent, it's almost as if Hollywood is hoping that we'll—oh, right, stay home and watch more movies.

Turistas, sadly, is just a reason to stay home. This organ-theft thriller overpromises and underdelivers, falling prey to the typical perils of the genre: few moments of true suspense and laboriously telegraphed plotting. The unfortunate cast (Josh Duhamel, in particular) has nothing much to work with but pat dialogue and the usual tired horror-flick obliviousness.

There's little to transcend these failures beyond some gorgeous, often murky underwater scenes. Director John Stockwell also gets a great deal of local color onto the screen, and you might well believe that his ragged troupe of backpackers are stranded in Brazil, because, gosh, there they are!

This can't compensate for the plodding plot, though, and you'll always be ten agonizing minutes ahead of the cast. By the time bad things start to happen, you're well past caring—unless you happen to be badly in need of a fictional kidney.

Which would incidentally be harvested by a horrifyingly constructed villain, and here's where what's left of Turistas falls apart. Our bad guy is ostensibly working for a twistedly noble purpose, but nothing about his life or methods makes any sense. His mountaintop lair sets him back so much that he can't afford competent help, and the script's attempts to give this demented organ thief "depth" are ultimately insulting to the audience, if not all of Brazil, especially its doctors.

Stockwell may have made some pretty travel pictures, but as a movie, Turistas is an ugly American.