Sarah Silverman Lets Loose

Mon., Sep. 10, 2007 11:30 AM PDT by Lia Haberman

John Shearer/WireImage.com

What do Paris Hilton, Britney's kids, Cee-Lo, Kanye West and Amy Winehouse have in common? They were all on the losing end of Sarah Silverman's opening monologue at the VMAs.

And whether you thought it was funny or not, MTV knew exactly what it was doing. You don't hire this comedienne without expecting a highly inappropriate act that'll leave people in tears and result in some potential lawsuits.

That said, do you think she took her VMAs schtick too far? Cast your vote in the poll below...and just in case you missed it, we've included a transcript of her over-the-top oration.

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In the unlikely event you missed it, here, in its entirety, is Sarah Silverman's VMAs routine:

This is so exciting. Was that incredible? Britney Spears, everyone. Wow, she is amazing. I mean, she is 25 years old, and she has already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s mind-blowing.
And she’s so grown up, she’s a mother. It’s crazy. It’s weird to think that just a few years ago on this very show, she was a sweet, innocent girl in slutty clothes writhing around with a python. No, that’s not nice calling Madonna a python.
But have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh, my God, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see. They are so cute. They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of. What? I’m serious, they’re this cute, you guys. [Imagine for yourself what she's doing.]
Wow, look at all the big stars here tonight. This is amazing. Paris, no Paris jokes tonight. I’m over that, I miss us. It’d be lame. And let me tell you something else. If you had any idea how much I misused all of my orifices in my early twenties, you would realize it was really the pot calling the kettle whorish, or whatever. That was not cool, at all.
Wow, this is awesome. Hey, wow. I can’t believe this—50 Cent is here. Can I just say, I think it is so cute that he is still alive. I love that.
You know, a lot of, like, musicians and stuff, you guys will cite exhaustion to get out of stuff. And let me tell you. No one is buying it anymore. I’m going to give you advice, three words that will get you out of anything: “I have diarrhea.” You’re welcome.
“I can’t do my show tonight, I have diarrhea. Oh, it’s Monday? I’m going to have diarrhea Monday, too.” No one will think you’re lying, it’s too humiliating.
I was talking to Cee-Lo backstage, and I asked him, "When you were growing up in Atlanta, did you encounter any racism?" And he said something really interesting. He said, “I’m Kanye West.” And that was a little bit embarrassing. But he let me off the hook, he said don’t worry about it. He said, “Don’t worry, all Jews look the same to me, too.” Which obviously is ridiculous because Jews are like snowflakes…everyone is different.
Thank you, Seth.
Like Amy Winehouse, she’s Jewish. Everyone is different. She is Jewish, right? If she isn’t, someone should tell her face. 'Cause she has one of these [scrunches up her face].
All right, that’s it. I wish I could stay longer, but I have diarrhea.