H'wood Party Girl

John Shearer/WireImage.com

RSVPs:  Kristen Bell, Stacy Keibler and Kristin Cavallari
Where:  Boulevard3
When:  Dec. 6

It's another night at the hip Hollywood club Boulevard3. But this time,  Little Bo Peep's sheep have been replaced by TV stars. Blah, you say? Not so fast.  

Curiously, real TV personalities are swarming around fake Grey's Anatomy doctors and imitation Deal or No Deal gals. No, it's not a look-alike competition. Not exactly, anyway. It's the launch party for SeenOn.com, a new Website where you can buy the clothing your favorite characters wear on the tube.   

Copping the totally tubular spirit, the crowded club is replete with replicas of sets from hit shows. Welcome to a tantalizing twilight zone, where network execs mingle with reality stars and faux celebs dressed as the real thing, all while being watched by the Hollywood press. It's like some sort of celebrity acid trip—as seen on TV. 

The alpha male here is clearly CSI: NY hottie Hill Harper, while the first femme would have to be Dancing with the Stars beauty Stacy Keibler. I may not have Stacy's mile-long legs, but tonight I get a chance to feel like a model on the Ugly Betty set. As I pose with a Betty impersonator, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Jai Rodriguez entertains his friends by taking a picture with the hunky gardener at the Desperate Housewives station. All right, so he's not the hunky gardener, he's a hunky gardener. But, hey, it works for Jai.

Sextacular socialite pals Kim Kardashian and Brittny Gastineau also have a thing for Wisteria Lane, though Kim prefers the couture to the help. "I want Gaby's pumps," she says, as she clicks through the Website on one of the many laptops scattered throughout the space. But Paris Hilton has a different shopping list. “I wish I could order him,” she says when a picture of Grey’s Anatomy’s McDreamy pops on the screen. Oh, get McReal, girl!

After she's done window-shopping for fantasy dates, I don't see Paris for the rest of the night. Maybe she's avoiding the awful meatloaf smell. I love the mini-TV dinner concept, but the mushed meat in tiny aluminum trays that's circulating is making me a little sick. I instead nab a teeny ice cream sandwich and check out what Bai Ling is giggling about over in the Project Runway area. "It says 'Fashion Is a Tease,' " the quirky actress says of the shirt she pulls off the ironing board. "I'm a tease," Ling laughs. "We all are!" Speak for yourself, missy.

It looks like Kristen Bell is finally starting to unleash her inner diva. After walking the red carpet, she refuses to pose with a SeenOn sponsor. Shame on you, Miss Mars! But at least she'll talk to moi. "My stylist has opened up a whole new world for me," Bell says of her non-date "date," Nicole Chavez, who also styles O.C. babe Rachel Bilson. "Before Nicole, I had no idea what I was doing." Tonight, Kristen definitely has a clue. She's showing just the right amount of skin to be sexy, a direction in which she's trying to head. She has to keep her title as World's Sexiest Vegetarian, right?  

Stuck in a rut, however, is Rachael Leigh Cook, who spends a portion of the night shooting dirty looks at the blond beauty. Could Cook be jealous of Kristen's hotness? It's not like Rachel doesn't have the goods. She just covers them up with heavy black jackets all the time. Bor-ing!

Speaking of va-va-voom, Kristin Cavallari has wisely chosen to swap the demure white bubble dress she wore to an event she hosted earlier for an LRD—that's little red dress, for all you non-fashionistas. After sneaking in through the side entrance, Cavallari exchanges icy smiles with fellow Laguna Beach babe Lauren Conrad, then shows off her sexy goods to the paparazzi. But one lenser is confused. "Kristin, over here!" he yells at the wrong blonde. "It's Lauren, not Kristen!" snaps Audrina Patridge, LC's buddy on The Hills. Those TMZ people really should prep their photogs better!

It's not just the 'razzis who are blowing it, though. "You look so sexy, Rembrandt," one partygoer says, as she grabs Cris Judd from behind. Wrong behind, babe. Maybe Cris' star status will rise once he starts hosting his new reality show, Dirty Dancing. Just don't expect to see any revival of Patrick Swayze's butt-hugging duds. "I'm not very keen on tight clothes," Cris jokes. "If people want to look like me, they'd have to hit all the surf shops."  

Cris could get some fashion tips from another new reality show being touted by David Weintraub. The manager turned producer tells me viewers can expect a “modern, chic and beautiful style” when his Sons of Hollywood premieres next month, starring Weintraub with Sean Stewart and Randy Spelling. “If you want to look like me," says Weintraub, "shop at Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana.” Sure thing, D.W., but only if you're fronting the cash.

After finally making it inside, Cavallari pouts upon realizing LC's table is 20 times more crowded than hers. But she gets revenge once Lauren’s ex Jason Wahler arrives with a mystery blonde. "Ewww, who is he with?" snarks one reveler. "She's like a busted LC." Indeed, Jason's date is, dare I say it, a homelier version of his ex. But Lauren plays polite and heads over. Denied. Jason totally ignores. The nerve! 

Yet, as ditzy as people say she is, LC does seem to get it. "It's Hollywood in general," she tells me about why onscreen romances rarely last. "It's hard to keep a relationship." Must be why Jen and Vince called it quits, I say. "They went out?" she exclaims. Okay, so maybe she doesn't get everything. But at least the girl hasn't let fame go to her head. "I don't like only expensive stores," she says. "I'll pair a white tank from Target with a Diane von Furstenberg skirt. I like to mix and match." My kinda gal.

While Project Runway  finalist and SeenOn spokesman Mychael Knight interviews former America's Next Top Model winner Nicole Linkletter about the new site, Knight's fellow Runway competitor Vincent Libretti gushes about his model. “Jia is the epitome of any woman,” he says of the leggy brunette donning a way too red outfit designed by, yes, Vincent. "It looks like she could be on my lap as Santa's helper." As I sit between the two, I’m praying Vincent’s not getting “turned on,” as he often remarked on the show. Luckily, the TV star that really does it for the designer isn't at the bash. "Hannah Montana. She makes blood flow through my body," he declares. Uh...I wonder what  Michael Kors would have to say about that? 

Having seen enough stars for the night, I decide it's time to move on. Even though I'm unable to snag the swagtastic backpack filled with $2,500 worth of goodies that's even given to Efren Ramirez (aka Napolean Dynamite's buddy Pedro), at least I can go home with my "Free Tim Gunn" Project Runway tee. It may not be Gucci, but I can make it work.