Ask the Answer B!tch

How come every single host/reporter/celebrity/deviate/ ultrarich/ultrastupid person on your Website is smiling? Am I living on another planet, or is there actually a place on Earth where everyone is just so goddamned happy? Maybe you pay them too much?
—Thom, Coolangatta, Australia

The B!tch Replies:  Yes, there is such a place. It's called E!, the Happy Channel, where everything that can be counted down WILL be counted down. And welcome to it. I shall now, with a smile on my face and a song on my lips, offer you another Lightning Round.

Are Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife getting divorced?
—Amerie, Hartford, Connecticut

No. Unless by Dog the Bounty Hunter you mean Hulk Hogan, which would be perfectly reasonable and, in which case, yes.

I don't get it. Why is it that the paparazzi are allowed to follow Britney Spears into a gas station, Target, etc.? With most stars, the paps stop at the door, but with Brit, sometimes they just follow her in. Is this a special bunch? Please reply—you're freakin' awesome!
—Sunny, Kansas City, Missouri

Given that the paps have been seen pumping Britney's gas and cleaning her windshield, I would say their relationship is indeed special. At least that's one word for it.

I am not a hick, to start off with. My question is, who is hotter, Mohinder Suresh or Peter Petrelli on Heroes?
—Leah, Dallas

Quit encouraging those two, or Milo Ventimiglia will take off his shirt again.

I notice a lot of the new TV series have foreign female leads. Even if you don't count Canadians, you've got an Australian (Chuck) and a lot of Brits (Pushing Daisies, Moonlight, Bionic Woman). What is up with that? Are they cheaper?
—Tony, New York

NBC's head of casting has said he did not know Michelle Ryan was British when she submitted her first audition tape for Bionic Woman; she disguised her accent. As for why Brits and Australians are heading Stateside in droves, two high-profile foreign actresses—the Australian Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) and the British Sophia Myles (Moonlight)—have said acting jobs are growing scarce back home. "In England, our country isn't putting any money into film," Myles recently told the press. "We don't reall