Potter Author Admits to "Suicidal Thoughts"

Mon., Mar. 24, 2008 9:01 AM PDT by Gina Serpe

J.K. Rowling is throwing open the doors to her own personal chamber of secrets.

The Harry Potter author has revealed that she suffered from a severe depression following the breakdown of her first marriage, which at one point included thoughts of suicide.

The 42-year-old was keen not to downplay her plight, which she disclosed in an interview with Edinburgh University's Student newspaper earlier this month, but which only recently caught the eye of the world's press.

"We're talking suicidal thoughts here, we're not talking 'I'm a little bit miserable,' " Rowling said of the depths of her depression.

While the blockbuster author has been open about her battle with the blues before now, she has not previously spoken about having thoughts of suicide.

Rowling told the Student publication her lowest ebb came while she was living in a small Edinburgh apartment with her daughter, Jessica, just after her divorce from Portuguese journalist Jorge Arantes. It was in the same apartment, after receiving medical help, that she began to pen her boy wizard wonder.

"I definitely had leanings toward depression from quite an early age, but it's an extremely hard condition to recognize in yourself," she said. "Mid-20s life circumstances were poor, and I really plummeted."

"The thing that made me go for help...was probably my daughter. She was like a touchstone in a sense, she was something that earthed me, grounded me, and I thought, 'This isn't right, this can't be right, she cannot grow up with me in this state.' "

Rowling said she rounded up the courage to see her physician, but her regular doctor was away and the on-call medico simply sent her away with instructions to call a nurse if she was feeling particularly low.

Two weeks later, her regular doctor returned and phoned up Rowling to come in and receive proper care. It's a phone call the author said she will always be thankful for.

"She absolutely saved me, because I don't think I would have had the guts to go and do it twice."

Rowling said she spent roughly nine months in cognitive behavioral therapy—"I could have done longer, I probably came out of it a little bit early"—which involved a series of counseling sessions designed to rid the patient of negative thoughts.

"I think it was absolutely invaluable," she said of her sessions. "It worked for me so obviously I'm very 'pro' it."

It's a dark period of her life that holds no lasting negative connotations for Rowling and one that she is more than happy to talk about.

"I have never been remotely ashamed of having been depressed. Never," Rowling said. "What's to be ashamed of? I think I'm abnormally shameless on that account, because what's to be ashamed of? What is to be ashamed of?"

"I went through a really rough time and I am quite proud that I got out of that."

As for the present day, Rowling said that while "not for the reasons people would expect at all"—namely, her estimated $1 billion fortune—she "is much happier now."