BABY DADDY DRAMA: Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's longtime lawyer and confidante, telling Larry King Live that he is the "proud father" of Smith's baby girl, who was born three days before her 20-year-old son's sudden death. Stern said that he and Smith "love each other and it's been going on for a very long time and because of my relationship as her lawyer, we felt it was best to keep everything hidden." Smith's ex-boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, who has said that he "believes in his heart" that he's the newborn's father, has asked for a paternity test, according to TMZ.com.

BURIED FOOTAGE: Steve Irwin's widow, Terri, telling 20/20 that the video footage of the Crocodile Hunter's death will never air on TV. "No. No. What purpose would that serve," Terri Irwin said in her first interview since her husband was killed by a stingray Sept. 4 while filming a documentary. The tape in question reportedly shows Irwin being stung in the chest by the stingray's barbed tail.

CHARGED: Paris Hilton officially charged with two misdemeanor counts, stemming from her arrest earlier this month. The heiress was charged with driving under the influence and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .08 percent with her arraignment set for this Thursday.

HITCH IN THEIR GIT-ALONG: Mario Lopez's Dancing with the Stars partner Karina Smirnoff injuring her back during practice Tuesday and requiring a physical therapist to be called to the set. Despite some wait-and-see, Smirnoff was set to perform during the evening's broadcast.

FOXY BEHAVIOR: Rasheeda Ellis, former consultant to Foxy Brown's management company, dropping two complaints against the rapper, including one accusing her of making terroristic threats. In return, the ladies have agreed to not contact each other or discuss the case with the media.

WILL WORK FOR $20 MILLION: Russell Crowe telling reporters he quit an untitled Nicole Kidman-Baz Luhrmann Australian epic last June because he "doesn't do charity work for major studios." Crowe dropped out of another movie earlier this year, Eucalyptus, also set to costar the actress. We're not positive, but if we've properly applied the transitive property, he just called Nicole Kidman a charity case.

WHAT A CROC: Meanwhile, Crowe also denying reports he was looking to portray the late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin in a biopic, calling the notion "appalling." "It's so awful that I have to deal with millions of people thinking I would dance on my friend's grave," Crowe said. Better they just think he's a quitter.

BAHRAIN OR SHINE: Michael Jackson parting ways with Two Seas, the Bahrain-based record label he signed to earlier this year after announcing it would release his first album since 2001. Other things Jackson has recently parted ways with: sunlight, Neverland and reality.

MR. PRESIDENT?: George Clooney waving off speculation that he may some day run for office, telling reporters outside an event aimed at benefiting Darfur, "Believe me, you don't want me in politics." Millions of women disagreeing, saying they want Clooney wherever they can get him.

SHAPE UP! SHIPS OUT: Dr. Phil McGraw agreeing to settle a $10.8 million class-action lawsuit filed on behalf of thousands of plaintiffs claiming his Shape Up! diet products failed to result in dropped pounds. This is so gonna cost him an invite to Oprah and Friends.

SLAP ON THE WRIST: Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis agreeing to fork over $500,000 in plea deal Monday, after pleading guilty to charges of failing to properly document the ages of the coeds in his videos. It's not entirely his fault. Underage girls rarely carry ID.

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES: Chevy Chase wisely abandoning another attempt at comedy, instead signing on to guest star in Law & Order this November as a celebrity who gets pulled over for drunk driving and lets loose his religious intolerance. Dick Wolf, meanwhile, abandoning all pretense that the preceding storyline is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

HOST WITH THE MOST: Jimmy Kimmel tapped to return as host of the American Music Awards, airing Nov. 21 on ABC. The show is already expected to run long, forcing the preemption of yet another Matt Damon guest spot.

FALLING STAR: Lawyers for Star Jones demanding the National Enquirer print a front page retraction to an Oct. 2 story titled "Star Jones' Husband Walks Out!" in which the tabloid claims Al Reynolds is gay and that the marriage is a sham. Reynolds' reps call the allegations "false and defamatory," while Barbara Walters has shown her support by renewing her subscription to the Enquirer.

ON AGAIN: Kate Moss and Pete Doherty flaunting their newly sober love in Dublin Monday night, where the rocker performed with his band, Babyshambles, for the first time since checking out of rehab last week. Onlookers claimed Doherty had never looked better, as he remained both upright and awake for the whole of the gig.

SORRY, MS. JACKSON: Janet Jackson telling Oprah Winfrey that she hasn't spoken to Justin Timberlake since the 2004 Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction seen 'round the world, saying he left her hanging--in more ways than one, presumably--and that they'll reconcile "in [her] own time." Like when she's got a new project to promote.

IDOL TIME: American Idol season three finalist Jon Peter Lewis, or JPL to the teeny bopper elite, set to release his debut album, Stories From Hollywood, Nov. 7. 14:59, 14:58, 14:57...

LOS KUDOS: Shakira nabbing a leading six nominations for the Latin Grammys, including Record, Song and Album of the Year for Fijaci?n Oral Vol. 1. The pop star also came this close to taking home a nod for Male Pop Vocalist, proving the Latin Recording Academy has trouble drumming up even internal interest over its nominees.

DESPERATE TIMES: The much-hyped third-season premiere of Desperate Housewives racking up lower than expected ratings, averaging 5 million fewer viewers than last season's kickoff. Never underestimate the ratings pull of sharing a night with McDreamy.

THIN IS IN: Milan fashion week officials opting not to ban underweight models for use in their runway shows. Good for them. Someone needs to put a stop to these unrealistic restrictions on the modeling industry. Like showing girls who eat.

GOOD NEWS: NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams putting an end to Katie Couric's ratings reign of terror, edging out the CBS Evening News by just 490,000 viewers. Someone might be a little less perky tonight.

MORE KUDOS: The late Peter Jennings awarded a posthumous News & Documentary Emmy for his 2005 ABC report Iraq: Where Things Stand. NBC Nightly News continuing to stick it to Katie Couric, receiving an Emmy for breaking news coverage in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, while cable golden boy Anderson Cooper took home an award for his coverage of Rwanda.

SAINTS CAME MARCHING IN: Spike Lee, Harry Connick Jr. and Branford Marsalis appearing at the New Orleans Superdome Monday night for an NFL game that marked the first time the arena was used since housing refugees from Hurricane Katrina. U2, Green Day and the Goo Goo Dolls also performed for the inaugural event.

LET THEM EAT CAKE: A Denver TV station threatening to cancel the scheduled airing of PBS' Marie Antoinette documentary amid threats of six-figure indecency fines from the FCC, per the Denver Post. Officials reportedly took issue with 200-year-old pencil drawings of couples having sex and a discussion of Louis XVI's alleged impotency. They're gonna be embarrassed when those pencil drawings turn out to be stick figures.

WWJD?: Jim Caviezel in talks to star in the sci-fi flick Outlander, centering on a spaceship that crashes into Earth during Viking times. We were wondering when Hollywood would see a return to naturalism.