It's Not Easy Being Clay

Wed., Sep. 20, 2006 12:00 PM PDT by Sarah Hall

Apparently, being the patron saint of Claynation isn't always easy.

In new interviews with People magazine and Good Morning America, Clay Aiken, American Idol's most famous runner-up, opened up about his struggles with panic attacks and his decision to take medication to control them.

The singer, whose third album, A Thousand Different Ways was released Tuesday, said he never felt uncomfortable while performing. Off stage, however, he found dealing with the public to be a challenge.

"I'd walk into a room and say to myself, 'I am not going to have a problem when these people stare at me,'" Aiken told People of coming to terms with his post-Idol celebrity. "But then [in] that situation, my heart would start pumping, and I'd start sweating and looking around nervously and shaking. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack."

Eventually, the 27-year-old singer discussed the problem with his doctor, who advised him to try Paxil to help his anxiety.

"I said 'Listen, I don't want to go to a therapist. I have nothing against therapists. I want to think I can do this on my own,'" Aiken recalled. "And she recommended that I try a medication....Now I can sit here; I can go into a store; I can handle a photo shoot. I'm able to get rid of all that stuff in the periphery. It makes everything easier."

Though he is now able to manage his attacks, Aiken elected to back away from the spotlight this year by moving home to Raleigh, North Carolina.

"I need to get out of Hollywood," he said on Good Morning America Wednesday.

Aiken also addressed the persistent rumors about his sexuality, but remained vague on the subject.

"What do you say [to that question]?" he asked People. "It's like when I was eight. I remember something would get broken in the house, and Mom and Dad would call me in and say, 'Did you do this?' Well, it didn't matter what I said. The only thing they would believe was yes....People are going to believe what they want."

The singer previously denied that he was gay in a 2003 interview with Rolling Stone, stating, "If you're in in the public eye, you??re either a womanizer or you??re gay. I'm neither one."

In addition to his musical pursuits, Aiken was recently chosen to serve on the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities.

Before going on Idol, the singer worked with disabled children and aspired to be a teacher. He remains eager to have kids be a part of his life.

"I want to be a father so badly. I want [kids] one day. Not now," he told People. "I would love to adopt."