Federline Infiltrates the Net
Indeed, we were not ready.
Kevin Federline, impregnator of Britney Spears and the wordsmith behind the incomparable rap ballad "Y'all Ain't Ready," has launched a Website of his very own.
Visitors to kevinfederline.com are treated to a somewhat menacing introduction featuring Federline (or, K-Fed, if you prefer) rapping, "Keep messin' with my family and you're through," played over various tabloid articles about the couple.
(Federline's implied threat is likely linked to the $20 million lawsuit his wife recently filed against Us Weekly, alleging that the tabloid published a false report regarding a sex tape that the couple feared would become public.)
After the former backup dancer wraps up his vocal stylings, the screen displays a message from Federline: "Now that I have your full attention, NEVER judge a book by its cover." (Or a man by his corn rows, tank tops and impressive baby-making abilities, presumably.)
Federline goes on to further warn Web surfers: "I'm coming...2006!" This, we're guessing, is a reference to the aspiring rapper's upcoming album, The Truth, due for release next year.
Mr. Spears explains that he launched the Website in the hopes of providing potential fans "with the opportunity to get to know who I really am."
"Hey, everyone," Federline writes. "I don't think we've ever been formally introduced. My name is Kevin Federline. I'm six feet tall, have brown hair and brown eyes. I enjoy horseback riding, long walks on the beach and the wind whipping through my hair. Ha ha ha."
With the niceties out of the way, he goes on to link to his email list, which will supposedly provide subscribers with updates on his blossoming music career, and his official MySpace profile, www.myspace.com/kevinfederlineforreal. As of Wednesday morning, 2,548 MySpace users had elected to join Federline's network of friends.
Though recent tabloid reports have suggested strife between the parents of Sean Preston Federline, Spears was only too happy to lend her hubby a hand by plugging his site on her own domain, www.britneyspears.com.
"Hey, fans," the singer wrote in a posting. "Kevin's Website is now live! Make sure and check it out today!! Love, Britney."
Federline's acquisition of a domain name makes Sean Preston the only member of the Spears-Federline clan without a Web page where he can express his personal views on "false tabloids" and the like.
Given his lineage and early exposure to the perils of the paparazzi, we're guessing the little guy's going to have plenty to say once he can master a keyboard.
However, he's going to have to get creative when it comes to picking out his URL--the domain name www.seanprestonfederline.com was snapped up by one Gordon Lynch of Quebec, Canada, three days before the spawn of Britney made his arrival into the world on Sept. 14.
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