The Awful Truth

Oh, the verbal dancing round an outspoken babe like Katherine Heigl—lend a bitchy ear for our most interesting findings on the diva. Plus, Paris sells sexy by the seashore, and Keira Knightley is bestowed with an new award, thanks to us! GQ mag toasted its Men of the Year at a cocktail party at the Chateau Marmont Wednesday night. Too fancy-ass. Was fun. Making the manly cut were Casey Affleck, Josh Brolin, James McAvoy and Emile Hirsch, among others. And despite the bevy of dapper dudes makin’ the scene (including Chace Crawford, yum yum!), press peeps were clamoring to talk to Judd Apatow. See, every reporter and their mama was dying to hear what he had to say about Katherine Heigl’s recent Vanity Fair interview, where she knocks Knocked Up for being sexist. “I think the characters are sexist at times,” Judd started diplomatically, “but it’s really about immature people who are afraid of being in a relationship and how they evolve out of that and learn how to be parents and how to grow up. So, if people say its sexist, yeah, that’s what I was going for in the first part of the movie. But then they change.” 

Score one for EW’s number one entry on its recent list of the smartest people in Hollywood! (But what we want to know is, where the hell’s the compilation of biggest dumbasses in town? Will we here at the Awful Truth have to compile?)  

Judd then went on to toe the old “there’s no such thing as bad press” party line. “When you’re promoting a movie, you talk about it for hours and hours and hours, so it’s very easy for something to be taken out of context,” he offered, even though we’re not sure how Katie-doll’s diss could be taken out of context. “I’m just happy that people are talking about Knocked Up six months after it came out. It reminds people that they need to buy it on DVD and judge for themselves.”

The smart-butt writer-director’s demeanor was rather calm and relaxed during this entire exchange, mind you. Until, that is, we asked if he’d spoken to Katie H since she gave the incendiary interview.  

“No,” he snarled, making a most unpleasant face before exiting. Uh-oh. Sounds like someone’s got some feathers to unruffle. We think it’s safe to assume Katherine wouldn’t be Judd’s pick for Woman of the Year if GQ gave such an award.

Honoree James McAvoy gave us his pick for the imagined category:

“Keira Knightley,” he surmised quickly, in his smooth ‘n’ thick Scottish accent. “She’s brilliant, and I think she gives an amazing performance of herself, so yeah, her.”  Wonder if J.M.’s vote had anything to do with the steamy scenes the two shot together in Atonement? And speaking of chummy costars, Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia were also at the posh do and spent mucho time talking together inside. They opted not to talk to any of the glossy 'n’ gossy outlets, quelle surprise. Another small-screen star struttin’ and sassin’ far more supreme was Kathy Griffin. As this was all a terribly polite GQ affair, we asked the funnygal what’s the one thing a gentlemen never does. “Let me pay,” she quickly answered. Um, yeah, and since she’s currently dating burly billionaire Steve Wozniak, we highly doubt she’ll ever have to pick up a tab again. Oh, and when rehashed the same honorary woman inquiry we threw at McAvoy, Griffin was a bit more animated, shall we say? “Woman of the year should be...Ryan Seacrest. I’m going with the standard,” Ms. G bellowed. Damn, girl. What’s that about? Also burnin’, but for far diff reasons, is Steven Weber, who told us he’s madly trying to develop a musical version of—get this—Mommie Dearest, the over-the-top Joan Crawford biopic that essentially ended Faye Dunaway’s film career, as she knew it. Poor little Oscar winner, eh? “I’ve been trying to get [Joan’s daughter] Christina Crawford to cooperate,” Weber told us. “But she won’t.”  Can’t think why. Like, we can totally see this taking over Broadway eventually, depending entirely, ‘course, on how the über-campy classic is cast. Who does he want for the loony lead? “Brooke Shields,” said Weber, little handsome eyes all on fire. “She’d be great, and she can sing!” Too fab!

Hey, as long as B.S.’s new (and hugely weird) BFF Tom Cruise gets cast as well, we’re all over this boards baby like Katie on Barney’s shoes.

“I know what to do with the royals, and what not to.”

—Joan Rivers, blabbing with us when we asked if she did her infamous (and cruelly funny) Princess Di jokes at a recent performance before the House of Windsor in London

Uh, maybe not? Dunno. Everybody’s making such a stink over how Queen Liz was so put out by Joan’s jabs at sagging boobs ‘n’ such. But J.R. knew that crap would put far less of a frown on her old mug than (even more) tasteless one-liners about the late mom of a future King of England. Joan tells us of this she is certain. Lance Armstrong, recruiting a new frolicking friend. Lance was spotted hangin’ at Skybar at the Shore Club with Matt Damon. Miami, natch. Is L.A. looking for a party partner replacement now that Matthew McConaughey is busy with g-f Camilla Alves? That same night, Lance hit a MOCA/Interview mag party at the Miami Beach Botanical Garden and the opening of the Florida Room at the Delano, which was designed by Lenny Kravitz. Jeez, Lance...you takin’ a Tour de South Beach or somethin’? Also makin’ the Ef-Hell-Ay scene was... Paris Hilton, hosting a party at Mansion with some questionable peeps. The bash was for Art Basel, because apparently the Hilton heiress hearts art, or something along those lines. P-poo hit the club with Scott Storch and Ron Jeremy in tow, ick. There’s a cootie-infested clan if we ever heard of one! G-f was in town to promote her new perfume, at a local mall, of all places. Classy! Sassy in her strut, fer sure, was Lakers mamacita and former Ally McBeal cradle robber... Dyan Cannon, all in blue velour and with a total girlie dog on a leash, sashaying down Santa Monica Boulevard in gay-boy WeHo like she actually thought somebody might be (sexually) interested. Babe’s way too thin, too—still the Calista aftereffect, ya think?