The Awful Truth

Darlings, before we get to which decrepit Hollywood plaything is staging yet another ree-dick comeback, let’s check in on possibly preggers Ali Landry and the certainly crusty Russ Crowe. Hang on, it’s gonna be a bumpy Awful Friday!

Remember Ali Landry, that fetching femme from the Doritos commercial whose marriage to Mario Lopez lasted for a mere two weeks due to his hideously predictable, schmucky ways? Well, I'm hearing mouthings from very well-placed sources that she and her new hubby, Alejandro Gomez Monteverde, are expecting their first tyke.

"It's all very hush-hush...no one knows," said my procreation source.  

Uh, until now, that is.  

A quick look at recent pics of Ali seems to confirm the bump suspicions. A.L.'s been photographed in loose, flowy dresses and tops for the past few weeks.

Also interesting is that both Ali and her ex horny hubby were expected at the Lisa Kline Beverly Hills store opening.

But neither one showed up, quelle surprise.

Wonder if one got wind that the other was going and both decided to skip out to avoid an awkward ex-encounter?

Or did the possibly preggers Ali decide to stay home, far away from prying eyes and photogs at the last minute? Stay tuned...

(I know you’re on the edges of your strollers on this one...)

Aaron Eckhart, gettin' his Sunday sweat on at Runyon Canyon. "His colorist must have spent hours working on that hair!" said my impressed dirt witness, in regard to Aaron's multihighlighted blond mane. Aaron was hiking with a tall, brunette model-actress type who had "no butt and was kinda flat all over." Come on, doesn't A.E. know curvy is the new skinny? Maybe someone should tell that to... Debi Mazar, getting her nicotine fix at the Grove. Thursday afternoon. Deb-doll looked glam in a fitted white shirt with puff sleeves and dark gray pinstripe pants. "She was very thin and tall," reported my shop spy. The dude she was with was even taller and thinner and lit the cancer stick for her while they chatted. Sharing carcinogens is caring, right, babes? More curious couples elsewhere include... Juliette Lewis, with an unknown boy-toy at the Joey T show Tuesday. Smashbox Studios for Fashion Week. Jules was in blue high boots, white leggings, a black shirt and a gray cap. But what was truly bizarre was what was adorning her 'do. "Feathers! Colored feathers!" gasped a horrified onlooker. Dustin Hoffman was also front row and wearing a blue sweatshirt reading "Stones." As in the Rolling type, or the kidney kind?  More fashion forward in Florida was... Halle Berry, stunning the masses while working the carpet at the South Beach premiere of her new flick, Perfect Stranger. Halle was in a zebra print number, hoop earrings and bracelets galore. (Too bad she left her best accessory, model b-f Gabriel Aubry, at home.) Luckily, her male costar Giovanni Ribisi was on hand to up the hotness factor even further. Eye candy, anyone? Oh, I shouldn't even be writing this, but life is too short, right? 

I mean, I have tons of Aussie amigos (they're my faves, trust), and they're still going on about a certain Oscar-winning Australian with once famous thighs, now more so his beer gut and still-nasty ways. Oh, who could I possibly mean?

Hugh Jackman? Never! Heath Ledger? Nah. Mel Gibson? Much closer, I assure you, but still no sassy cigar, honey-pies.

Oh, I know—let's go in the back door (one of my fave entrées), instead. See, Russell Crowe is, as of late, getting heaps o' good daddy press in all the rags. He's seen pushing round strollers, grinning all father-knows-best from puffy cheek to cheek, it's enough to make you lose your nonalcoholic beer, already! So put on!

Because I'm here to tell all you naughty readers that many an Aussie insider is, at this late date, continuing to complain 'bout how hideous R.C. was at the annual Penfolds Icon Black Tie Gala, back in January, Hell-Ay. Hyatt. Totally fancy-ass. A ceremony that was largely dominated, tearfully so, by recently deceased Down Under dude (and Penfolds honoree) Steve Irwin.

Still, even in that reverent frame, Crowe, also a Penfolds recipient saw fit to put a stinger—according to those who witnessed it—straight through the hearts of most of fellow honoree Naomi Watts' pals, and had many of them tossed to tables toward the kitchen, just so Crowe could commandeer more prime seating near the stage. At the last minute, too. 

And this ain't even gettin' into the private plane demands to whisk Mr. Cee to and fro, darlings. 

Such a nice guy, this one. Hope he raises his boys just the same.