Oops, I Disguised It Again!

Mon., Mar. 12, 2007 12:01 AM PDT by Ted Casablanca

Happy Monday, all you mischievous malcontents—got some girl-on-girl goings-on fer ya in a special editon Blind Vice today, so get ready to pucker up, all you dames detectives! Plus, what is K-Fed up to now? (Britney, you may not want to know.) Know you all hate Mondays, so...gotta little surprise at the end of today’s missive! Enjoy. (I know I did.)

John Scuilli/WireImage.com

Oh, what else is new in Hell-Ay? Winona Ryder didn’t OD (as was the veddy popular, but false, rumor for two secs) right along with her already dead-on-arrival rep these days. Bobby Brown just stumbled outta the Four Seasons, stopping to bang on the iron statues of strollers that line that posh inn’s entrance.

David Livingston/ZUMAPress.com

Hysterically, Whitney’s old man ex-a-rooney was yelling at the life-size artworks as if he was expecting them to wake up and recognize him as the belligerent never-was he pathetically seems to exist as now.

Chris Farina/WireImage.com

That's almost as funny as what I hear Eliza Dushku was up to, back Boston way.

A bunch o’ imbibers (not a one of them wasted, promise!) at this after-hours bar/restaurant called News in Beantown saw Ms. D. having, what shall we say...intimacies with a guy. Said dude was a crew member from the flick E.D. just finished, the one called The Alphabet Killer, I believe.

“All the staff, everybody, was watching them go at it,” said a saliva-witness.

Uh, go at what, Eliza-doll? Sucking sliders, or somethin’? Do explain!

Am I wrong, or is young Hollywood equally as obsessed with their hair as they are their cars, mansions and 12-step meetings? Whether it be overprocessing it, rippin’ it out in frustration or just freakin’ shavin’ it off, seems coiffure care is a tad bigger deal than we previously believed.

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

For ince, just recently at the Ray Ban Never Hide shindig at Guastavino's in New Yawk, Petra Nemcova was overheard telling peeps about the trials and tribulations of her hair. Like, who the eff cares about her, anyway? Oh, that’s right, forgot she’s stunningly do-able. Not to mention the luscious looker survived a tsunami. Oh, and she’s James Blunt’s current babe. Guess that means we’ll continue with Ms. En’s furry fixations. Turns out that when Petra-hon met boink buddy Jimmy, she was a platinum blonde, but soon after, Nemcova cut and darkened her locks.

And—gasp—what did Jamie-poo have to say to this? He exclaimed, “Wow! I was dating Barbarella, and now I'm dating a Bond girl!”

How deep. Jeesh, wouldn’t ya think that after almost being engulfed in a 50-foot tidal wave, you would become a little less superficially inclined? Of course, I survived growing up gay in Texas, and I sure zero in on every little stupid-ass thing I can find in this town, so I guess Petra and I have a lot in common after all.

Jeff Frank/ZUMApress.com

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of bad hair and second chances, could it be that Kevin Federline is tryin’ to send some kinda message to Britney? See, a little fete birdie told yours truly that not only does K-Fed plan on throwin’ himself a huge B-day bash (he's a Aries-head, how perf!) in the near future, but on hand at the pah-tay will be a crew from Rudy’s Barber Shop to shave the lucky heads of any guests who choose to go Britney!

Wonder what else is on the agenda? Cheetos food fights? Barefoot Twister? Tossin' babies in the air like David Bowie did in Labyrinth?

Well, you know what they say: If you can’t beat ‘em, homage 'em!