Bombs dropped--but not over Baghdad.

Instead, documentary filmmaker Michael Moore caused more of a ruckus with his antiwar acceptance speech than either of the two ABC newsbreaks aired during last night's bizarro Oscar telecast.

And Moore wasn't the only one to leave Hollywood's beautiful people picking their jaws up off the floor as odd-on favorites were replaced at the winners' podium by The Pianist's Adrien Brody and Roman Polanski (in spirit not body), presenter Halle Berry got more than she bargained for, and Eminem proved that--love him or hate him--he's here to stay, winning the Best Original Song Oscar for his 8 Mile track "Lose Yourself."

Even Steve Martin wasn't immune to the unpredictable, as a stray walkie-talkie crashed to the stage in front of him: The quick-thinking comic pretended it was all a part of the act.

Unfortunately, those wacky moments, which could have made for colorful watercooler chitchat, passed largely unwatched by a nation concerned with the safety of its troops overseas. An estimated 33.1 million tuned in to ABC to watch Chicago dance away with Best Picture last night--the lowest ratings since Nielsen started counting in 1974. In contrast, 41.8 million ogled Best Picture winner A Beautiful Mind last year, while a whopping 55.2 million watched Titanic sail to first place in 1998. The previous viewership low was registered in 1987, when 37.2 million tuned in to see Platoon win.

ABC spinmeisters tried to put a happy face on the record-low ratings, estimating that 62 million viewers "watched some portion" of the show.

Viewers weren't the only ones sitting out the raucous broadcast. Also missing in action last night were conscientious Oscar objectors Will Smith and Jim Carrey, geographically stranded Peter Jackson and Cate Blanchett and last-minute cancellation Elizabeth Taylor, who just last week announced the event would be her "swan song on the stage." Calls to her reps were not returned.

Whatever impact the war had on ratings or presenter pull-outs, it seemed to have little effect on the diamond jubilee awards show itself. Sure, the red carpet had shrunk to the size of a welcome mat, but instead of the subdued ceremony promised by organizers, those of us who tuned in were treated to a glitzy shindig that largely ignored external events.

Today, the critics concurred, a good time was had by all: "It was one of the best, and certainly most stimulating, Oscar shows in years," wrote the Washington Post's Tom Shales. New York Times critic A.O. Scott welcomed the star-studded time-out: "There was some relief in watching the show unfold in the usual way, as a tribute to and an exercise in solemn, self-loving escapism." The Los Angeles Times' Howard Rosenberg also gave a thumbs-up, writing, "Producer Gil Cates delivered a nice, crisp, economical telecast in tune with the times, highlighted by an Oscar family portrait, with past winners side by side on stage."

Who could flip away when The Pianist snatched the honors for Best Actor, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay--something not even the most seasoned Industry watchers could've predicted. Jack Nicholson almost fell out of his front-row seat when Brody went up to accept top honors. Halle Berry's hubby, R&B artist Eric Ben?t, almost jumped out of his seat when the actor placed a big wet one on the wife.

Of course, one moment that may never make the best-of montage is Moore's diatribe against President Bush. The Bowling for Columbine helmer railed against the Commander-in-Chief in an impassioned speech ("Shame on you, Mr. Bush!") until he was drowned off the stage by a chorus of boos and the sounds of the Academy orchestra.

Martin saved the moment from turning ugly, quipping: "It was so sweet backstage. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo." The comedian's deft sense of humor in dealing with the difficult times inside and outside the auditorium got good feedback: "The first and perhaps prime task of an Oscar host is to give a funny monologue, and Martin delivered the goods," wrote critic Robert Bianco in USA Today. Organizers may not have asked Martin to host last year (as he sardonically pointed out), but it's unlikely they'll make that mistake again.

Otherwise, antiwar sentiments were restrained as actors celebrated 75 years of back-patting. "In light of all the troubles in this world, I wish us all peace," uttered Best Supporting Actor Chris Cooper to a loud ovation. Even noted activist Susan Sarandon kept her protest simple, flashing a peace sign on her way to the podium to honor Academy members who passed away last year.

Instead, most of the actors chose to check their politics at the door, leaving the uproar outside, where antiwar protesters and pro-war demonstrators clashed with the National Guard and police in riot gear. By the end of the night, 10 people had been arrested on suspicion of unlawful assembly and assault on police officers.