Teen Mom Recap: Home Is Where the Heart Is...As Long as You Don't Live in Tennessee

Amber, Maci and Catelynn are moving in with their boyfriends, while Farrah is going places...with her boobs

They may not have all graduated high school, but the young mothers of Teen Mom are acing Home Economics.

Cohabitation is the theme of tonight's episode, which featured three of the four stars moving in with their boyfriends. (Still-single Farrah is going places too, thanks to her new boobs.)

So can our baby mamas find happiness on the home front?

With Amber and Gary reconciled, they continue their glorious pursuit of the American dream by moving into a house. After all, Gary's got a "good job doing in-home health care" (an obvious perk: the well-stocked pantries of his clients). Amber's own Teen Mom earnings have nothing to do with the go-ahead from the bank, right?

Gary's delight about the new house—"It's gonna be great," punctuated with his signature slurp from a giant smoothie—gave way to dismay when a step in the house gave way to Gary. "Oh my god, Gary—you are so chunky," shrieked his politically correct girlfriend.

The chunky monkey of course blamed the collapse on the stairs' fabrication—"pressed wood, ain't my fault it damn broke"—rather than his own appetite for everything served in Styrofoam.

The stairs proved to be a harbinger for things to come for the reunited couple, who fought all the way to a planned retreat with Amber's brother, with Gary threatening, significantly, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." More gold for the Teen Mom editors? Amber's brother ominously warning her, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day."

More ominous still was Gary's cavorting at the water park—shirtless. The horror! Fortunately, patrons must have complained, because he was soon seen sporting yet another Aero-emblazoned XXL-er. (Seriously, does he buy these T-shirts by the dozen, or have an endorsement deal with the company? If so, big mistake, Aeropostale.)

Gary wasn't the only one showing off his boobs tonight: Farrah celebrated her brand-new C-cups with an all-expenses paid weekend gig as a hair model in Denver. But Farrah was homesick the whole time, missing her daughter Sophia and…it's all just so hard. "It's draining to stand there and smile all day," Farrah complained to her mother. Lesson learned: "It's hard being in modeling and being a mom."

Maci herself is having a hard time just paying the bills (guess this MTV gig just isn't cutting it?), and is resigned to moving back in with her parents in Chattanooga. Kyle to the rescue! Her on-again (they only broke up once! Sheesh!), not-slow boyfriend offers to move into her Nashville apartment to help out. "You need me?" he asks sweetly. "I need you." Bentley does a Snoopy dance of approval, so it's settled…

Except when it comes to her ex, Ryan—and the State of Tennessee! Yes, according to the indignant baby daddy—who once shared a home with his girlfriend and son—the couple are violating some kind of statute if "y'all gonna live together and not be married." But who are we to question this scholar of jurisprudence/unemployed mama's boy?

Leaving home—much too early, especially in the eyes of his own mom—is Tyler, who has reluctantly agreed to share an apartment with his girlfriend/stepsister Catelynn. After seeing some of the sweet digs available for $400/month ("a picture frame would look real nice over this gaping hole in the wall"), we can't blame him for having cold feet.

Finally, the high schoolers rent an apartment, promising Tyler's mother they won't skip class. Their first night, however, they exult in their freedom, with "nobody to wake us up in the morning"—to like, you know, go to school. Whose heart didn't break a little when cameras showed Tyler staring sorrowfully at the picture of his daughter Carly?