You know everything there is to know about Lindsay Lohan's life behind bars (you're welcome). Now it's time to dig into her life within the proverbial padded walls of UCLA's Resnick Neuropsychiatric Hospital.
Last night, Dina and Ali Lohan filled up LiLo's visitor quotient by dropping in on the star on just the second of her 90-day stint, proclaiming that Lindsay was not only doing "great," but is, apparently, flush with cash. (Though now we're wondering if she has a comprehensive insurance policy, considering a Resnick employee exclusively told News that it costs $2,550 a day to stay there, not including tests, medication, therapy, etc.)
And while reports have been flying fast, furious and often fact-free about what, exactly, Lindsay's post-jail treatment plan entails, we're giving you the lowdown right now:
First of all, the hospital describes its psychiatric service as being "for patients who need medical assistance in stabilization of an acute emotional or psychiatric crisis, with or without complications by substance or alcohol abuse or dependence."
It's worth noting, of course, that Lindsay's diagnosis has yet to be made public. While attorney Shawn Chapman Holley has distanced herself from reports that Lohan is bipolar and addicted to meth, no alternate diagnosis has been proffered.
However, E! News confirms that UCLA no longer offers a substance abuse program and that all patients admitted to the facility do so only under a "dual diagnosis," meaning patients being treated must suffer from both a mental disorder and a substance abuse problem that was diagnosed prior to their stay.
So we may not know why Lindsay is getting treatment. But we know how. Here's what Lindsay can expect:
• Dina and Ali (and especially Michael) Could Be Left In the Dark. The confidentiality clause of Lindsay's treatment extends all the way through to her family, and the hospital is not legally allowed to tell her kin the details of her treatment unless she gives it specific permission to do so. Family meetings, however, will be held with the treatment team.
• She Might Have a Roommate…but Probably Not. Rooms are single or double occupancy, each of which have a closet and nightstand. They're assigned based on clinical need, or more likely in Lindsay's case—and as with jail—for her own safety and protection.
• She Can Still Be Social. A dayroom common area features a TV, stereo and piano and is the site for therapeutic group activities, meals and general relaxing. As evidenced by Dina and Ali's visit, visitors are allowed, though never more than two at a time. Any items brought for the patient must first be screened by staff. Should all else fail, there's also a pay phone in the unit that patients can use as they please.
• She'll Learn Hospital Corners From the Masters. Each patient is expected to make their own bed each morning and, when necessary, change their own sheets. Laundry facilities are also provided, as is a communal fridge which requires patients to name and label all their food.
• Meal Times Are Rigid. Monday through Friday, breakfast is at 7:30 a.m., lunch is at 12 noon, and dinner is served at 5:15 p.m. on the nose. Ditto for the weekend, aside from breakfast being served slightly later.
• She Can Smoke. UCLA is a non-smoking hospital, but outdoor areas are designated for lighting up, albeit only at appointed smoking times during the day (there are eight of them, and they are posted). But Lindsay better not be above bumming a light. Among the items prohibited in the hospital are lighters and matches.
• She Can Forget About Accessorizing. The following items are also prohibited: firearms (obviously), cameras (good thing she got her fill of photoshoots before beginning her sentence), tape recorders, knives/daggers/weapons of any kind, alcohol, illegal drugs, over-the-counter drugs or prescriptions, including vitamins, herbs and supplements, coat hangers, televisions and cell phones.
• She Can Throw Away That Orange Jumpsuit. So what's the dress code for a rehab center's psych ward? Jailbait casual? Pornstar chic? Try street clothes. Patients bring their own wardrobe for their stay and are encouraged to make sure all their garments are "comfortable and casual." Sturdy walking shoes and low heels are suggested, and under no circumstances will Lindsay be able to feel the cool linoleum on her tootsies: patients are required to wear footwear at all times unless they're in bed. She also better not forget her toothbrush—patients provide all their own toiletries.
• She Really Should Leave the Designer Gear at Home. It's recommended that patients don't bring any items into the facility that are valued at more than $15. Ditto with holding cash.
• Samantha Ronson Should Feel Free to Make Her a Mixed Tape. Radios and clocks (without cords—psych ward and all) are allowed on the floor, but a random assortment of other items must be checked in and out at the nursing staff's discretion and remain locked up when not in use. Among them are personal electronic appliances (hello, iPod!), knitting needles, aerosol spray cans, any glass items, including cosmetic bottles, cigarettes, scarves, art supplies and anything sharp. And while electronic items can include laptops, they're typically only allowed if deemed necessary for the patient. So, don't expect too many Twitter updates before October.
• Her First Day Was Probably Confusing. On day one (give or take a few hours, since she probably arrived around 2 a.m.), Lindsay individually met with a resident MD, an RN, an occupational therapist and a social worker, where she no doubt answered a repetitive list of questions to ensure a thorough assessment. She was also questioned by the attending physician in front of the rest of her treatment team (known as rounds), and possibly even (though in Lindsay's case, we doubt it) students, given as UCLA is a teaching hospital.
• She's Not Going Anywhere. All patients are assigned "activity levels" when they first enter the program, which determine how much freedom the patient will be given to roam around on their own. The answer: not much, regardless of your classification. AL I restricts patients to the unit. End of story. AL II allows them to leave the unit only when accompanied by a member of staff and only in order to submit to medical tests or procedures. Higher levels are given on a case-by-case basis.
• She Can Reach the Big Man Upstairs. A chaplain is on site in order to account for the spiritual and religious needs of patients. They are trained on an interfaith basis, though patients may request a meeting with specific clergy members should they so wish.
• One Strike and She's Out. While it's a collaborative program and a learning process to be sure, the use of illicit drugs is strictly prohibited and could lead to discharge from the program (and entry into Judge Marsha Revel's s--t list).
• Payback's Feedback's a Bitch. At the end of Lindsay's hospitalization, she'll be asked to complete a survey regarding her stay and offer feedback and suggestions. She will also get recommendations for support groups to help her after her discharge.
That's three down, 87 more days to go. We're pulling for ya, Linds!