Finally.
We don't mean finally as in we're glad Lindsay Lohan's finally going to jail. We mean finally as in we're glad we're finally being set free.
From Lohan.
Do you know how long it's been since the onetime teen queen of Hollywood has been making headlines for being dehydrated, or being arrested, or being sued, or being on probation, or for doing all those things all over again?
Nearly six long years.
We don't know if jail will be the just the thing for Lohan to become who she said she was at Monday's court hearing. We don't know if it'll be just the thing to push her toward a Robert Downey Jr. moment of redemption.
All we know is that the Lohan franchise, like the Batman one once, is in serious want of a reboot.
And remember, it wasn't the Caped Crusader who needed Christopher Nolan—it was us, the audience. We needed to be rescued from camp and codpieces. As for Batman? He was a character—he got to be Batman whether he was in a great movie or a bad movie.
In the same way, it's we who need Lohan's jail term—to be delivered from missing passports and SCRAM bracelets, to perhaps get back the actress of The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls.
As for Lohan? She's a star—she gets to be Lindsay Lohan no matter what.
We don't want "no matter what" anymore. We want Lindsay Lohan Begins.
This is our chance. Hers, too.