Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
That reminder comes as we enter the mind of Axl Rose, courtesy of a $5 million lawsuit the Guns N' Roses frontman filed against his former manager Monday in Los Angeles.
The 28-page complaint, slightly shorter than one of Rose's tweets, takes on psychological warfare, and a whole lot more. Here are the highlights:
1. The ex-manager had a twisted plan with an Eddie Van Halen twist: According to Rose, music-heavyweight Irving Azoff wooed Guns N' Roses with talk of a mega-tour with Van Halen because he, Azoff, wanted to crush Guns N' Roses.
2. The powers-that-be were all about seeing Slash play in GNR again: Rose accuses Azoff and his firm, Front Line Management of plotting GNR's demise in order to "force" Rose to reunite with his old bandmates. (Rose is GNR's lone member from its "Sweet Child O' Mine" heyday.) Rose, if it wasn't already clear, "was adamantly opposed to the reunion tour." And that's why he claims Azoff was out to get him.
3. Chinese Democracy was "sabatog[ed]": Per Rose, Azoff and cohorts purposely botched everything from the liner notes on the band's 2009 album to its exclusive sales deal with Best Buy. Rose thinks Azoff leaked tracks, too, thereby damaging sales of the previously leaked platinum-seller.
4. The world tour was "sabatog[ed]": According to the suit, Azoff "mishandled Guns N' Roses tour dates in Asia, Canada and South America," and then "abandoned" the band before it hit the road late last year. Rose thinks Azoff "lied" about the never-was tour with Van Halen, too.
5. There are no coincidences. Or idly dropped names: Rose's court action is a countersuit to a complaint filed by Azoff in March. In Azoff's suit, which seeks nearly $2 million in allegedly owed fees, Rose is I.D.'d as "William Bill Bailey." In Rose's suit, the singer calls Bailey his adopted name (by way of his stepfather) that Azoff "knew…carries significant emotional damage from Rose's childhood."
Azoff attorney Howard King did not return a message seeking comment. To the Hollywood Reporter, the lawyer invoked the memory of J.F.K., remarking, "He didn't accuse Irving of being on the grassy knoll in Dallas on November 22, 1963?"
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Here's a conspiracy: Let's all sneak off to see Sex and the City 2!