Best & Worst of the Oscars: "What's Up With All the Hitler Memorabilia?"

We've compiled a list of all the ups and downs from Hollywood's biggest kudosfest

Ten Best Picture nominees! Two hosts! One kudosfest.

It's Oscar night, and we've got the bests, the worsts and the most talked about moment of the night right here:

Most Awkward! We hope they never again get the idea to trot the nominees out onstage so the audience can stare at them like they are very expensive mannequins. They have feelings, people. Pretend feelings, but still.

Best Host: Steve Martin. No, wait, Alec Baldwin...Hey, Neil Patrick Harris is doing this one, too? Um, can we choose Jeff Probst?

Best Opening Jokes: There were so many—some of them were even good! (Not to mention all those lingering looks at George Clooney...)

"Meryl Streep holds the most nominations as an actress. Or, as I like to think of it, most losses," said Steve Martin.

"I know you loved Invictus," said Baldwin to Martin. "Because it combines two of your favorite passions: rugby and tensions between blacks and whites."

"Anyone who has ever worked with Meryl Streep," said Martin, returning to a favorite target, "always ends up saying the exact same thing: 'Can that woman act?' And, 'What's up with all the Hitler memorabilia?' "

Best Aside: Matt Damon, watching the clip of his own nominated performance and mumbling to his wife, "So bad." (Well, that's what it looked like anyway.)

Most Rehearsed: Christoph Waltz, who gave his umpteenth speech thanking Quentin Tarantino for putting him in Inglourious Basterds.

Most Competitive Category: Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart vs. Zac Efron and Anna Kendrick: Who presented the best?

Least Upset: Mo'Nique surprised no one by winning Best Actress in a Supporting Role for Precious. But when you think about it, that's pretty amazing, right?

Worst Way to Begin an Acceptance Speech: The Young Victoria's Sandy Powell began with, "Wow. Well, I already have two of these."

Best Tribute: Reuniting the Brat Pack to celebrate the works of the late John Hughes was a fine idea, but giving the filmmaker's family good seats to see it was even better.

Best Introduction: Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. gave funny, character-driven performances just introducing one of the writing awards. Said RDJ: "Actors want scripts with social relevance, warm-weather locations, phone-call scenes that can be shot separately from that insane actress that I hate and long, dense columns of uninterrupted monologue."

How Do You Say Noble in Na'vi? After doing his damnedest to crack up James Cameron with his Avatar-cum-Vulcan impersonation, blue-faced presenter Ben Stiller then promised, "After I announce the winner, I will try to stand as far away from them as possible so as not to demean their moment of triumph." That was totally nawm, Ben.

Worst In Memoriam Snub: Not sure why the Academy decided to leave out Farrah Fawcett, Bea Arthur and Ed McMahon, recently departed actors who appeared in film as well as on television. That stunk. TV is good enough to air your awards show, right? Should have included them.

Biggest Question: Do live dance sequences belong on Oscar telecasts?

Best Reactions: Some of the stars look like they're far, far away when the camera finds them in the audience, so it's wonderful when celebs look like they are having a ball. Take a bow, Penélope Cruz and Maggie Gyllenhaal; you make the Oscars look like a blast.

Most Contentious: Was the decision to put Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper together the sexiest pairing—or so not?

Best Advice: "Do it."
—Winner Michael Giacchino, thanking his parents, teachers and colleagues for supporting him, and telling kids out there if they want to become artists they can

Most Family-Friendly: Whether it was a winner thanking his parents or a married couple accepting trophies together, Hollywood almost seemed to be one big happy family tonight. (Don't worry, tomorrow is another day.)

Least Effective Kudos: Though Colin Farrell and Tim Robbins managed to find some humor in the exercise, the actor-delivered testimonials to the nominated performers almost veered into parody with the over-the-top praise. Seriously, enough.

Most Effective Kudos: Oprah Winfrey celebrated Gabourey Sidibe, and nobody does that better than Oprah.

Biggest Wha? Sean Penn offered a brief mea culpa during his presentation, which was nice. We have no idea what he was talking about.

Best Man: During his acceptance speech for Best Actor, Jeff Bridges must have ended every other sentence with the word man. Truly, the Dude abides.

Happiest Ending, Part 1: Sandra Bullock gave a warmhearted speech that thanked many and accepted little credit for herself. It was about as gracious a speech as they get.

Happiest Ending, Part 2: Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to win the Best Director trophy. Loved that, because it's an excellent film.

Worst Music Cue: As noted by an expert, the Academy chose the 1970s Helen Reddy hit "I Am Woman" to play Bigelow off. Really?

Best Question: Which nominated film will we still be talking about in five years: Avatar or The Hurt Locker? Or something else?

Most Important Opinion: What did you make of this year's telecast? Awesome or awful? Or do you count anything a success simply because it featured Taylor Lautner?