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Carrie Prejean's Biblical Boobs Are A-OK!
Michael Loccisano/Getty Images
It is time to get off Carrie Prejean's back about her chest. The woman is correct. The Bible absolutely, positively does not say, "You shouldn't get breast implants." In those exact words.
We have reached this conclusion after seeking counsel and revving up the search engine at BibleGateway.com.
We are sorry we didn't take Prejean's word from the get-go. It just sounded like a rationalization from a beauty queen turned inspirational memoirist. But a little bit of faith would've saved us time, not to mention the embarrassment of having to ask students of the Bible for their thoughts on—how should we say?—pageant helpers.
Our findings—and, yes, our defense of Ms. Prejean—are as follows:
• A literal search of Prejean's quote to Christianity Today ("you shouldn't get breast implants") yields no results. Even in the kinda-hip-sounding New International Version. Bottom line: Prejean's right!
• The Bible not only doesn't doesn't say "you shouldn't get breast implants," it doesn't say anything about breast implants. (We know. We searched that more general phrase, too.) Bottom line: Prejean's right!
"Obviously, breast implants were not possible in Bible times, so the Bible nowhere addresses the decision of whether or not to get breast implants," MeLissa Houdmann, editor for Got Questions Ministries, confirmed in an email.
And no, in case you were wondering, we did not run "sex tape" through the handy-dandy Bible search engine. (OK, we did. And we're sorry. And anyway, we found no results. So, literally speaking, it would seem Prejean's in the biblical clear on that count, too.)
• By getting breast implants, Prejean arguably was living the message, or one of the messages, of the Bible. At least that's what we took away from our exchange with Ronald Ecker, author of And Adam Knew Eve: A Dictionary of Sex in the Bible.
"Breasts are associated in the Bible with sexual satisfaction, and breast size is important according to a couple of passages in the Song of Solomon," Ecker said via email.
As Ecker pointed out, one passage, Song of Solomon 8:8, even speaks woefully about the young, undeveloped woman who "hath no breasts."
"If such a thing [breast implants] were known back then," Ecker said, "I doubt that it would be forbidden."
Holy mackerel, Prejean's still right!
Now, please observe the above use of the word "arguably." Since the Bible isn't explicit on the subject of silicone and whatnot, we are left with interpretations. And interpretations vary.
"Ultimately, my conviction is that breast implants are wrong if the sole purpose is vanity [or] pride," Houdmann said.
Tom Gruber, author of What the Bible "Really" Says About Sex, meanwhile, has no problem with the procedure: "I don't see it as a moral question at all," he told us. "What's wrong with looking good?"
In the end, if we can accept that reasonable people can reach reasonable, but divergent, conclusions, then can't we accept that Prejean is entitled to her own opinion, if not her own pageant helpers?
Or, to put it another way, if there are no right answers, then Prejean can't be wrong.
But just this once.
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